Dear Monday Afternoon Nap…I Miss You!

Dear Monday Afternoon Nap,

I am pretty sure it was twenty two years ago when we first met. It was a rainy October afternoon, I remember I had a lot to do that day but you showed up and changed my life for the better. You were a wonderful ray of sunshine on that rainy day, a respite from the challenges I faced that Monday in October…You totally changed my outlook, you left me refreshed, mind, body and spirit.

But I have been in shock, perhaps a little disheartened these past few Monday’s when you haven’t shown up, did you forget about me? Did you have something better to do? Maybe you simply moved on to a better place, if that is the case I have no doubt you will be welcomed with open arms by your new family, maybe they are unemployed, or have a new baby, or a kitten that is wearing them down. Regardless of where you land I want you to know how much you have meant to me over the years.

I will never forget the time when my cat and I cozied up to read my new book  “Winning at life, even though life is kicking your ass”  that I had just gotten earlier in the day. My cat ended up falling fast asleep on my lap. Monday Afternoon Nap, you must have sensed I needed a break because you lasted five and a half hours. I ended up missing my doctor’s appointment and picking up my kids from school, I even missed an important phone call causing me to lose my job. You were like an angel sent from heaven that day, I have never felt as refreshed as I did that day.

Then there was that time my family and I were on a road trip to Yosemite National Park, you came early that day and surprised me as I was driving. All I remember was listening to my wife complain that I needed to find a job and that she was sick and tired of supporting my lazy ass and then it happened…You decided to give me a much needed break from my stress, you lulled me into a trance, perhaps it was the rhythmic sounds of the road markers chattering away letting me know I was drifting off course, whatever it was it worked. When I awoke from my slumber my wife had stopped complaining…thankfully! She was thrown fifty feet away as the car rolled into that ditch, that nap changed my life, it was just what I needed at the time.

1 Corinthians 15:51 tells us, “Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed.” Monday Afternoon Nap, My life will be forever altered now that you have moved on. You were with me for most of my adult life, and those years were delightful. Without you, Monday Afternoon Nap, my Monday’s are sometimes long, and at times, relentless. When 1:30 PM rolls around, the witching hour begins and chaos ensues. It is during these times I miss you most.

I know with challenge comes opportunity. Now that you have moved on, I have been able to leave the house on Monday afternoons to go to Walmart. While at times nice, the consistency of my Monday Afternoon Naps was a welcome friend I will always cherish.

I will miss you Monday Afternoon Nap, but know you will forever be regarded with honor and reverence.

Sincerely,

Tired In Montana

That Time I Was In A Coma!

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I was going through an old box yesterday, I found some old medical records, seems like I get hurt a lot, but one incident stood out among the rest.  The time I was in a horrible recyclables accident and ended up in a coma for 14 hours. I found the medical records for that incident in the box, it has the transcript of my interactions once I had finally come out of my coma….Thought it might make for an interesting read.

HELP….HELP ME!!  Where am I?….HELP M…Oh yes, thanks I could use some water, my throat is so dry. You…you’re a doctor? Am I at a hospital? What the hell is going on? Where are my wife and kids?

I was in an accident? But…At the recyclables place? I was badly hurt…a baseball bat to the head? What? I was in a coma?….COMA!?! Dear God…How long have I been asleep?

Tell me the truth, I have to know…

What? Fourteen hours? Are you sure about that? Are you telling me I was in a coma for nearly a whole day?…Well, I guess your right…I was in a coma for little more than half a day then. What’s today’s date? Please…tell me what is today’s date?

I…can’t remember anything…I can’t remember anything since yesterday….Dear God!

I can’t believe this happened to me….Everything looks the same outside the window, but….please, what show is this on the TV? I don’t…I don’t recognize any of the people on this show…Oh my God! (Sobbing)

I guess I should be thankful that you still speak English here….I can only imagine what the world is like now, everything I knew…everything I loved…so much time…(more sobbing)

Doctor…please, tell me ….What…What’s the biggest thing on the Internet right now? A funny video of a cat? A cat that dances? No…I haven’t seen it, how could I…I’ve been in a coma remember! I just don’t understand…how could it dance? Back in my time cats couldn’t dance…so much time lost…so much has changed.

Oh my God…My Facebook account!?…I’ve gone all this time without updating it, no gym selfie’s, no funny meme’s…I can only imagine what people must think, they probably think I’m dead. They all must be so sad…Please Doc, I need to update, I need to let them know…

Wait…who was eliminated on Cutthroat Kitchen yesterday? Why don’t I just watch it? Jesus Man just tell me!! Alright, pull it together, I just need to realize I am a man from the past…who is now living in the future, things will be different…I feel disconnected from civilization already.

Doc…Is…is it even still on the air? Cutthroat Kitchen! Jesus man, I’m going through enough as it …have some compassion!

What? Really? There is someone who wants to see me?

Who…You? Angel?  Oh yes, my wife …Oh Yes! I do remember you…you must have remarried by now. Its okay, I forgive you for not waiting, for not being here with me, I understand…life must go on…I wish you nothing but happiness in your new life!

And who is this? Is this our son? Wait, I know your name, your Nathan. I am so, so sorry to have missed so much of your life, please, forgive me…your father, I left you in you when you needed me the most?

So many things I missed doing with you, playing catch, talking to you about the birds and the bee’s…Tell me son, are you in love? Have you managed to accomplish your dreams? Ah, I can only imagine how different your life might have been if I would have been there for you. (sobbing again)

I am sorry, I can never forgive myself…Yes, please help me wipe my nose. What are they called? What?  A  “tissue”….they call Kleenex’s tissues now? But…I just don’t understand this world.

I Wish You Were Healthy Like Me!

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So what do you do when you’re in a relationship and only one of you is making the effort to get healthy?

This can be a tricky topic, I think we are constantly growing and changing, same thing happens to relationships, the ones that grow together tend to be better and happier in the long run.

So what do you do when one person in the relationship is struggling to live a healthier lifestyle, while their significant other is not interested or motivated to make those changes with them?

So let’s break this down, you are with somebody who you love unconditionally, yet they seem to be enablers of your unhealthy lifestyle and push back when you say you want to make some positive changes.  In fact, when you tell your loved one that you want to lose weight or start eating better, they say something like  “but I like you just the way you are.” (that’s a load of cat doo doo)

And then there are the more difficult cases, situations where you have loved ones who have let themselves go physically and are pretty unhealthy.  Be honest, there is NO good way to tell your loved one things like  “You need to lose weight”  or “You should really start exercising”  (I can feel the drama already with that one)  If you are truly worried about your loved one, I can imagine that they already feel pretty self-conscious and will instantly get defensive if you open up a discussion with them about their health or appearance.

So if you’re in this situation and have a loved one who is out of shape and sadly not interested in getting healthy and you are truly worried about them…You obviously can’t use force to get them to exercise or to make healthier food choices.

And nagging them to exercise is only getting you rebuke and hostility.  Look, if it’s not their choice to start exercising then they will most likely reject it or quickly give up at the first sign of resistance.

So what the heck can you do? I would say the best approach is to plant the seed deep in their subconscious that life will be better if they start taking care of themselves.  This isn’t about manipulation, it’s just merely suggesting that you try to line up the pieces in the right places so that when your loved one is ready to make changes they will be on the right path to success.

This isn’t a quick fix approach, remember it may have taken you years and years before you made the choice to pursue a healthy lifestyle, so patience will be required.

Perhaps some of these tips can help you along in this process…

You can use this article as the  “Bad Guy” …Tell them you read this idea about lifestyle change at An American In Montana (Sorry, self-promotion is important) and it seems like it’s a little ridiculous, but what do you think?

Try something new together… (Fill in the blank) seems like a cool thing to do, but I’m worried that I can’t follow through with it by myself. Can we try this 30 day challenge together? I know you can help me stay on track.

You should constantly ask for their advice and support on being healthier. The goal is to get them talking about making healthier choices and make it more and more of a comfortable topic of discussion. When you find interesting articles about healthy living, share them and ask their opinion.

So get conversations started, here are some good examples “Hey, I have been trying to lose some weight lately. What do you think about the Paleo diet?”  or  “I’ve been reading this awesome blog site lately called An American In Montana (Sorry, I can’t help myself) and it has me thinking about how I want to make better choices, are there any bad habits of mine you would like me to change?”  Yes, your throwing yourself under the bus, but at least it gets the conversation started.

And then there are the always beneficial positive comments, use them …a lot!

Like these old standbys…“Did you lose weight?”  “You look great whatever you’re doing keep it up!”  Be your loved one’s biggest cheerleader and supporter (Something you should be anyways)

So the whole idea is to get to the point of having open discussions about health and fitness, sharing tips, asking for opinions and advice…Hopefully you will get to this point.

Okay,  So you’re at the point where you have explained to your loved one that you are sticking with this and are going to work on improving YOUR life, you still might face some push back. Getting your loved one on your team is essential, If you are constantly trying to eat new types of food, to cook instead of getting fast food or doing more active things and spending less time with your loved one, it can lead to hurt feelings and bad blood …we don’t want that.

So to avoid this you need to get your loved one on your team, here are a few ideas that might…

Find ways to be active together.  Explain that you really need help staying on track so you would like to exercise together.

Find activities that you can both can do together, but don’t limit it to working out.  Try going on hikes (here in Montana if you can’t find a place to hike…Well…you’re not even trying) or perhaps try taking dance lessons together, or some type of self-defense classes and so on.

Set up a reward program, explain that you’re in a weight loss competition at work and the winner gets $500 (by the way it might be a good idea to start a competition at work) and if you win, you will be spending that money on a romantic getaway for the two of you. Suddenly, they’re working with you to win that getaway rather than sabotaging you with hurt feelings.

Or how about an Intimate reward system, every time either of you loses a few pounds, you get a 30 minute massage or a foot rub.

When you collectively lose a certain amount of weight, you get a special date night at your favorite restaurant (just be sure there are healthy meal choices on the menu)

Alright…skip forward a bit.  You’re trying to get healthier and your loved one still hasn’t fully jumped on board with the idea yet, You may face a few well-intentioned but highly destructive comments like…

“Why don’t you skip your run this morning and sleep in with me.”

“Want to sit on the couch and watch TV with me tonight?”

“Why are you trying to change? I like you just the way you are!”

Your response needs to be something along these lines…

“Honey/Pumpkin/Muffin/Moonpie I’m not doing this for you, I need to do this for me and I really need your support.”

You need to be the Inspirational and Motivational person that will inspire them to want to change.

Here’s how you can get started:

Be the Awesome example and always pick healthy options over unhealthy ones and do it with a loving smile.

Offer to do the shopping and cooking if it’s not something you normally do, prepare healthy meals as often as possible.

Politely decline invitations for sweets, desserts and the other unhealthy snacks. But don’t judge your loved one if they choose to do so.

Always keep in mind you’re not doing this for them, you’re doing this for YOU!!

MY FELLOW MONTANANS…STOP BREAKING THE LAW!

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For those of you who live in Montana, it’s time we go over so of the rules for living her.  How well do you know the laws of this state?  There are some little known laws that could possibly get you arrested.  As a public service I will share some of the lesser known offenses and hopefully you can avoid going to prison today.

 

It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. (No matter how bad you want to snoop on your man, don’t cause he can get you locked up)

 

It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperon. (In some areas of the state this might put a damper on date night, nobody like a third wheel)

 

In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all. (Well, I guess you single ladies better wear a wedding ring when you go fishing)

 

It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.  (Hmm, Guilty)

 

It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. (Pretty sure that’s 50 Shades of Grey)

 

One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. (But it’s legal to pretend to abuse a minor in the presence of an animal)

 

In the state of Montana, Indians in groups of seven or more are labeled as a war party. (So if you’re invited to an Indians birthday party are you then part of a War Party?)

 

And for my special little town, here’s one that bothers me…

 

In Helena, no “folfing” at night. (Helena just takes all the fun out of Folfing)

 

Keep It Legal Today Montana!!

An American In Montana…Ask Me Anything!

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This is a new series where random people can send me questions or ask me for advice and I allow the readers to offer suggestions on how to solve their problems.

 

Dear American,

I need your help, I recently found myself in a weird situation and I’m not exactly sure what my moral obligations are, maybe you can help me.

Not too long ago my beloved cat was hit by a truck, thankfully it survived. The asshole who hit my cat took off from the scene, so of course I got stuck with the insanely large veterinary bills, I had the option of putting my cat down to save money but I couldn’t do it, so I told the Vet to spare no expense in saving my cat’s life. But I live a simple life and work in the fast food industry, I really have no means in which to pay back my veterinary bills, so in desperation I decided to become a “Gun For Hire.”

The first contract I got the client gave me $35,000 to dispose of her husband, I gladly took the job, and to be honest I would have done it for far less, that’s how desperate I am. But then the very next day the woman called me back and cancelled our arrangement. Apparently she found someone far cheaper than me, and they supposedly were more experienced. But the woman then broke down and started crying, I asked her what was wrong. She said that even though she was glad she was saving nearly $10,000 going with this other guy to kill her husband, she had just had a fight with her best friend and that friend said some pretty nasty things to her, the woman was heartbroken and told me she could never forgive her friend.

So now I feel bad for this woman, somehow I feel like I should do something, after all the woman did open up to me about the trouble she was having with her best friend. Do you think I should offer to kill her friend? Maybe offer to do it for a really low price, that way she could feel good about it?  Maybe offer to let her pay in installments? Do you think this would help take away some of the pain she is feeling regarding her friend? In the end her husband would be dead, her ex-best friend would be dead and I would be able to pay off some of my cat’s medical bills. In the end everyone would be happy.

What do you think I should do?

-Gun Without A Target

Help Wanted: Christmas Party Display Wife

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Position: Office Christmas Party Wife

Preferably a lady, in her late twenties to early forties (will consider over 50 if situation becomes critical)

Wife/Fiancee/Girlfriend the title is not important, you will be required to attend my office Christmas party with me. (Possible future employment if Christmas party goes well)

I am the youngest of three boys, have never done very well with whole  “married”  thing and right now I don’t really have time to do the whole relationship trial and error phase before my upcoming office Christmas party. I recently found out my boss is looking to promote some people in the office but he is of the belief that all his Supervisors should be married or in stable long term relationships. He has never met me so there is a chance we could pull this off. Also it would be nice to be able to send my Mom some nice Christmas pictures with someone in them other than my cat. I know she has concerns about me, so I need to act quickly before she becomes completely ashamed of me and starts writing me out of the will.

So this is where YOU would come in, my special Christmas Party Wife. You must not have any plans for the weekend prior to Christmas and it would help if you currently are not pregnant or at least not showing. We can meet at Starbucks before the party or if you would prefer somewhere more secluded, then we can meet at the fairgrounds by the duck pond. I will leave the location up to you.

If you will require lodging for the night of the Christmas party please let me know ahead of time. If you are homeless I don’t feel I should be required to pay for any lodging for you, but I am willing to drop you off at the nearest park or shelter if you so desire. Please bring your last month’s utility bills that are in your name for residency verification.

Now in order for this whole thing to go off properly and for YOU to make a good impression on my boss, I will need you to be able to hold your own in a conversation. My boss is quite the talker from what I have been told and I was able to get a list of topics he enjoys talking about. So you will need to come prepared with a basic conversational knowledge of the following topics:

Yacht Racing. (he owns a large racing yacht)

Theology.

Air-Conditioning Repair. (He owns a small HVAC company as well)

Novels set on the sea in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries.

HAM Radio operations. (one of his hobbies)

Boating in general. (exception: flat-bottom racing boats…Do Not Bring These Up)

Czarist Russia. (prior to the revolution) 

Classical Guitar.

Disney Movies. (His favorite is Fantasia, know it by heart)

Biblical characters. (For some reason he hates it when people bring up Ezekiel, so don’t)

Know the differences between the book Blue and the Grey and the film adaptation.

Learn all you can about Captain and Tennille. (he has a thing for the Captain and those hats)

And the current season of Housewives of New York. (I can’t explain this one)

Now I am well aware all of this seems like a lot to learn and especially on short notice, but I need to show my boss I didn’t just end up with some run of the mill bar girl for a wife.  You need to come across as a well-educated, worldly woman. This will improve my chances at the promotion. I am also willing to give you a bonus if your performance lands me the job, if you get me fired don’t expect any bonuses.

I want to say Thank You to any and all applicants ahead of time, you will be potentially helping me advance my career and in today’s economy these opportunities don’t come along very often. Remember, I am looking for a smart girl to play my wife, so the looks aren’t all that important, I think it will send a good message to my boss that I care more for intelligence than appearances. That being said, there is nothing wrong with breast implants, Botox or any other cosmetic procedures that improve your appearance.

Like I said this will be for the office Christmas party, the weekend before Christmas. We will part ways after the party, but don’t go too far. If things go well and I get the promotion chances are I will be requiring your services again real soon.

That Time Mom Replaced Our Father With “Jerry” Our New Father…

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That awkward time when Mom introduced us to Jerry and his new role in our family….

Hey kids, I’m home…would you all please come into the living room. Who are you talking to? Well tell Tina you will call her back because I have something important to tell you kids. Where is your little sister? What? She is only 4! You are supposed to watch her when I’m not here, didn’t they teach you that in those babysitting classes I paid for you to go to? Go get her, she will need to hear this.

Alright kids, I need you to listen to me, I have some really important stuff I need to share with you. First of all let me just say that there is nobody who can replace your Daddy…No one! Does everyone understand what I’m saying? You kids have a father, one father and right now he is in Hawaii with his new fiancée and her fake boobs. But I would like to introduce you Jerry, he is my new boyfriend and I’m really hoping he can be the one to replace your father.

How long have we been going out? That is a great question, I met Jerry several hours ago when I was out with the girls. It’s kind of a funny story you kids might get a kick out of it. So like I said I was out with the girls at a club called Rawhide, and they had a drink special going on where ladies buy one and get one free until 10 pm. So I had ordered a drink at 10:01 and my watch said 9:59 pm, the bartender was trying to make me pay for both drinks, so we got into this huge argument but then out of the blue Jerry steps over and said he would pay for it. At that moment I looked him in the eyes and I knew in my heart he was the one!

Now you older kids are probably thinking I’m crazy or something for bringing a guy I just met home to meet you, but I assure you, before I brought him back to the house I really grilled him with some tough questions. I was able to learn a lot about his personality and character. And honestly kids, I really liked what I heard from him! Kids you will like this …Jerry actually played semi-pro football in the arena league. Jerry, how many years was it again? Two? Three…Two. So two whole years for, umm, what team was it Jerry?  Oh yeah, the Arizona Rattlers… Isn’t that exciting kids? Your father never played any sports and got paid for it. So that is one very valid reason why Jerry should replace your father.

Jerry is there any other reasons why you can think of that you should replace their father? Well how about that kids, Jerry said he could kick your Dad’s ass in a fight. I’m not sure about that one Jerry. Their father is 6’6’’ and extremely muscular. Now I’m not saying Jerry can’t beat up your daddy, kids….I just don’t feel I should laugh at him in front of you because we are trying to look united as parents here, but let’s just say we will never know until we match them up toe to toe, while they are both punching at each other.

You kids probably don’t want to hear this, but Jerry is a great kisser. But to be honest we haven’t really gone much further than that, although we really did get pretty hot and heavy in his LeBaron for twenty minutes before we came in to talk with you kids. But going off how he performed in those twenty minutes I really do expect him to be a passionate lover. I will let you kids know in the morning if I was right or not…Wink Wink.

Now, I know you kids don’t really need to know this information but keep this in mind while you decide whether or not to accept Jerry as your new father, if I am in a better mood because Jerry satisfied me sexually, then I will most likely be nicer to you and probably a little more understanding when you act out. Who knows maybe I will even surprise you kids with trips to Chuckie Cheese or let you ride your bikes around the block again, you know all the things we use to do back when you had a father who lived in the house and was satisfying me sexually.

What’s that Jerry? Oh kids, Jerry is now having second thoughts about whether or not he could beat up your father. Kids, look at Jerry right now, you see what he is doing right now? He is showing humility, which is a quality you should admire about him. Jerry is admitting his weakness to you, not many men will do that, it takes courage. So kids I want to be sure you understand what Jerry is doing. Jerry is admitting to you and me that he would have a real problem challenging your 6’6” 300 pound father in a fair toe to toe fistfight. Remember nobody can ever replace your daddy, but Jerry is doing his absolute best to do so and I’m really rooting for him to succeed.

Now kids, I should mention to you that Jerry does not have a job. So please don’t ask Jerry where he works, he told me earlier he doesn’t like talking about not working. Kids, Jerry does not work! Do you guys understand that? So what it means is he will not be able to buy your love like most replacement daddies do. So don’t expect any expensive gifts like new bikes, video games or even new clothing. But what you can expect is Jerry’s quality time with you as he attempts to win your love. For example, maybe Jerry can coach you at soccer or drive you to school in the mornings. So remember No job and No money means more quality time to spend with you guys and I for one can see the advantage in that, can you guys? Oh, What’s that Jerry?…I guess that’s fair, I should point that out. Okay kids, remember that sometimes Jerry might parent you in non-traditional ways. Maybe he won’t volunteer to coach you at soccer or drive you to school in the mornings, but he will be there for you, in a supportive type of way, just like a Dad should.

Just so we are clear kids…Jerry will never be your real father, ever!  Jerry can’t simply take his place, you know biologically speaking. But he will try to act like a real father to you and believe me I plan to make you feel guilty if you don’t immediately accept him as a replacement father. I really want you to start calling him  “Daddy”  from this moment on.

So again kids, nobody is trying to take the place of your Dad. I just want you to love Jerry and treat him as if he is your real father, but we know he isn’t your real father, but I will probably tell people that he is so just get used to it. Do you kids understand me? I hope you understand that Jerry will never be your real father, but for all intents and purposes he will replace your real father, to be loved by you as children should love their father and he will please me sexually as husbands should please their wives, and I really feel this will help us all forget about your real father who is now in Hawaii, probably having sex with his new fiancée and her fake boobs.

So, kids…Jerry is ready and willing to stay here with us in our home. He will probably give off a weird vibe of a stranger while engaging you in awkward conversations. Also he is going to slip right into the role of an authority figure without ever trying to earn your respect, but he and I will demand you give him that respect, after all he will be acting as if he is your father. But don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying anyone is trying to say your real father can ever be replaced. No at all! Never! But I am saying, I’m ready to replace your father completely….Are you kids ready?

I Was Just Remembering That Time When I Woke Up From My Coma…

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I was going through an old box yesterday, it contained my medical records, seems like I get hurt a lot, but one incident stood out among the rest. The time I was in a horrible recyclables accident and ended up in a coma for 14 hours. The medical records for that incident had the transcript of my interactions once I had finally come out of my coma….Thought it might make for an interesting read.

 

HELP….HELP ME!! Where am I?HELP M…Oh yes, thanks I could use some water, my throat is so dry. You…you’re a doctor? Am I at a hospital? What the hell is going on?

I was in an accident? But…At the recyclables place? I was badly hurt…a baseball bat to the head? What? I was in a coma?…COMA!?! Dear God…How long have I been asleep? Tell me the truth, I have to know…

What? Fourteen hours? Are you sure about that? Are you telling me I was in a coma for nearly a whole day?…Well, I guess your right…I was in a coma for little more than half a day then. What’s today’s date? Please…tell me what is today’s date?

I…can’t remember anything…I can’t remember anything since yesterday….Dear God!

 I can’t believe this happened to me….Everything looks the same outside the window, but….please, what show is this on the tv? I don’t…I don’t recognize any of the people on this show…Oh my God! (sobbing)

I guess I should be thankful that you still speak English here….I can only imagine what the world is like now, everything I knew…everything I loved…so much time…(more sobbing)

Doctor…please, tell me ….What…What’s the biggest thing on the Internet right now? A funny video of a cat? A cat that dances? No…I haven’t seen it, how could I…I’ve been in a coma remember! I just don’t understand…how could it dance? Back in my time cats couldn’t dance…so much time lost…so much has changed.

Oh my God…My Facebook account!?…I’ve gone all this time without updating it, no gym selfie’s, no funny meme’s…I can only imagine what people must think, they probably think I’m dead. They all must be so sad…Please Doc, I need to update, I need to let them know…

 Wait…who was eliminated on Cutthroat Kitchen yesterday? Why don’t I just watch it? Jesus Man just tell me!! Alright, pull it together, I just need to realize I am a man from the past…who is now living in the future, things will be different…I feel disconnected from civilization already.

Doc…Is…is it even still on the air? Cutthroat Kitchen! Jesus man, I’m going through enough as it …have some compassion!

What? Really? There is someone who wants to see me?

Who…You? Angel?  Oh yes, my wife …Oh Yes! I do remember you…you must have remarried by now. It’s okay, I forgive you for not waiting, for not being here with me, I understand…life must go on…I wish you nothing but happiness in your new life!

And who is this? Is this our son? Wait, I know your name, your Nathan. I am so, so sorry to have missed so much of your life, please, forgive me…your father, I left you in you when you needed me the most?

So many things I missed doing with you, playing catch, talking to you about the birds and the bee’s…Tell me son, are you in love? Have you managed to accomplish your dreams? Ah, I can only imagine how different your life might have been if I would have been there for you. (sobbing again)

 I am sorry, I can never forgive myself…Yes, please help me wipe my nose. What are they called? What? A “tissue”….they call Kleenex’s… tissues now? But…I just don’t understand this world.