Death By Dumbbell!

 

In case you haven’t been paying attention to the news lately, I need to point out the rash of gruesome deaths being cause by Dumbbells. There was another one over the weekend, this will undoubtedly raise the question of Dumbbell registration and many politicians are already promising to push the legislation through Congress.

The media will hype these deaths up like they always do, just fear mongering plain and simple. There have been several studies, the most recent one which was done by Montana State University, which disproves any link between children watching shows like  “Pumping Iron”  or  “Generation Iron” and adults using Dumbbells as a tool to commit homicide, again there is absolutely no correlation between the two.

There are some people calling for mandatory waiting periods before people can start using Dumbbells in the gym, perhaps even making people take a Dumbbell safety course before they can use them. This will most likely also lead to Dumbbell registration and criminal background checks before you can purchase one, even at places like Walmart. None of these measures will create any meaningful reduction in Dumbbell related crimes. Some politicians even say there should be a mandatory waiting period when purchasing a Dumbbell, but this would fail to accomplish anything because there has never been a case of someone using a Dumbbell in a crime of passion. Most crimes involving Dumbbells have turned out to involve illegal Dumbbells which were purchased on the black market, illegally shipped in from Mexico.

Some people want to limit the size and weight of Dumbbells, thinking if they limit the size to no larger than 25 pounds that this might somehow reduce their use in crimes. But there really is no distinction between a regular Dumbbell and an Assault Dumbbell. Common sense would tell you that no Dumbbell has ever been made for the express purpose of hurting anyone. The only exception to this was the  “Arnold Dumbbell”  which the military has designed for use in a failed operation against ISIS. It turned out dropping the GPS guided Arnold Dumbbells had little effect on ISIS moral like the military hoped.

It really is strange to me that Dumbbells which were designed to help people gain muscle, to turn your biceps into  “Guns” have themselves been turned into weapons of human destruction. I mean if someone wants to kill another person they will do it, but for someone to choose a Dumbbell for that purpose just blows my mind. Why not just use a firearm? Or maybe even a knife? It saddens me that Dumbbells have now been given an unfair characterization as a tool of murder.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say on average there are 15,000 murders a year in this country and out of those only 283 were caused by Dumbbells. One would be too many but in the bigger picture 283 isn’t that alarming. To put things in perspective more people die from Shark attacks each year.

Just in the state of Florida last year 934 people were eaten by sharks, but you never hear about this stories because the news doesn’t want tourism affected, but yet they report on Dumbbell deaths and make it sound like an epidemic, which is scaring people away from gym’s and fitness in general.

I think most people don’t realize that the majority of Dumbbell-related deaths are not violent crime related. Do you realize you are twenty times more likely to be killed by a Dumbbell on accident?

The majority of these Dumbbell accidents occur when people are improperly using them while they exercise. Most cases result from people doing over-head presses and they lose their grip on the Dumbbell and it falls hitting them in the head, usually killing them instantly. Several weeks I witnessed one of these accidents happen in my gym, there was this guy who was doing seated overhead presses with one hundred pound Dumbbells, I asked him if he needed a spot but he said  “I got this bro”  and on his very first rep, he lost his grip and one of the Dumbbells came tumbling down crushing his skull, I had blood and brain matter all over me, I nearly wasn’t able to finish my workout, but I pulled through and finished it…Thank God!

As parents it is important we teach our children the proper use of Dumbbells, whether it’s for sport, profession or as a hobby, if we teach our kids early enough on the proper safety precautions to take when using them, perhaps we can reduce the number of Dumbbell related accidents each year.

If you ever find yourself getting hit in the head by a Dumbbell either by accident or on purpose, please seek immediate medical attention, even if you feel like your injuries are not life threatening it is important to get checked out. If you do receive a blow to the head from a Dumbbell, look for the warnings signs of injury, blurred vision, and large amount of blood loss, bleeding from the ears, nose and eyes, indented skull, caved-in skull, exposed brain matter, inability to move arms or legs, involuntary bowl movements, people around you screaming and unable to look directly at you without vomiting, these are all signs you should seek immediate medical attention.

Let’s not forget our country was founded on the principles that we are all free men, we have the right to bear arms, build big arms and lift big weights, which include Dumbbells. Don’t just sit there and let these hard fought freedoms be stripped away from us, just because some jackasses and their irresponsible use of our beloved Dumbbells, so many of these unnecessary deaths could be prevented if Bros just used a spotter. So let’s all do our part in keeping each other safe at home or the gym, wherever Dumbbells are found let there also be safety found with them….God Bless America… God Bless our Troops and God Bless Those Who Use Dumbbells!

20 Reasons To Avoid The Gym Today!

20reasonstoavoidthegym

 

So are you just looking for some excuses today to not go workout? Do you need help? If you’re really needing some good excuses I will help you out since I am always trying to promote living a healthy lifestyle, I think it’s only fair that I once in a while keep it balanced and help those who have no desire to improve themselves.

Besides, it’s pretty cold out today!

 

Here are 20 Awesome reasons NOT to go workout today.

You’re saving up for the lap-band surgery.

You’re gonna start… gonna eat freaking perfect too man… you’re gonna do everything right… gonna get RIPPED!… and you’re starting tomorrow… it’s gonna be soooo awesome!!

You like to train outside. But it’s too hot, too cold, raining, snowing, there’s a tornado warning, or it’s too nice of a day out to be exercising… who works out on a perfect day like this?

You’re waiting til you can afford supplements. You really like supplements.

You’re waiting to get your diet in order.

You saw a website that said it’s better to just take green coffee extract, or Acia extract, or blueberry testicle extract… or some other crazy supplement.

You’d rather take a step away from your goals than take a step towards them.

You have no goals.

You don’t don’t wanna hurt yourself.

You’re waiting for New Year’s… 2017.

You’re in a relationship now so screw it.

You’re gonna try Weight Watchers first… Jewelie at work is getting really good results with it.

You don’t wanna get calluses.

You don’t wanna get all tight and muscle bound.

You actually do plan on working out today. Right after you finish this beer.

Only insecure people need to work out to overcompensate for their insecurities.

Endorphins are addictive and you don’t wanna get hooked… all it takes is one workout…You’d rather be safe than sorry.

Chicks don’t like guys who work out. They want guys with money.

You let your workout program fall by the side lately, so you’re gonna ride it out a while.

Health isn’t all that important.

 

Yeah…So just go work out already will you?

If you’re not really  “feeling”  it today just tell yourself you’re just going to do a few light sets. And within 10 minutes you’ll be hitting it hard…DO IT!!

Meathead Wisdom!

meatheadwisdomfordummies

 

Sure I know what you might be thinking what can a “Meathead”  teach me besides lifting weights? Well, first of all if your one of those people who judge people based on appearances then get the Hell out of this blog. Don’t need your type around here.

Let me just start by saying  “Meatheads”  shall one day rule the earth and there is nothing you can do to stop it, so you better just start working on assimilating as fast as you can. It’s your only chance.  Alright so perhaps you actually don’t want to be a  “Meathead” I guess I can understand stand why, but honestly you should want to be one and not for the reason’s you’re probably thinking.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror, wouldn’t it be pretty cool to have chest that tears at your shirt’s seams and biceps that get the girls all goo goo eyed.  Now picture yourself walking into a store and having people turn their heads to stare at you in awe as you walk past them.

Hey, did you see that dude? He’s Huge!!

But…You could be thinking, I don’t want to be a “Meathead”, they are all Conceited…Vain…Muscle bound most likely insecure and trying to compensate for something. Or how about, all those weightlifters are just shallow egotistical narcissists. They are probably soul-less just like Gingers (kidding)…All body, No brain!

Maybe after reading that you’re thinking what the Hell could I possibly learn from them.

Well. Frankly …a lot more than you might think.

I will tell you this, there are many things about weightlifting that many people just don’t understand. They just don’t grasp it, all you can do as a non-lifter is judge, unfairly I might add, and use those stereotypical descriptions of something that is actually hard and something that requires dedication and commitment.

And when I say Hard. I mean really freaking hard!

If you know anything about some of the top athletes in the sport, the Olympians, you will understand that they have accomplished something few people are capable of.  They actually built themselves.

Nearly everyone has tried to lose weight at some point, which in theory is pretty easy because fat loss is a natural byproduct of correct eating. But for someone to grow muscle. That is a different animal entirely. Your body doesn’t like the idea much of growing muscle and it will resist the best it can.

So keep that in mind, while I try to give you insight to the qualities that truly make a successful weightlifter. Whether they be bodybuilders, strongmen or the Olympic lifters. All successful  “Meatheads”  typically share these traits.

And YES you can learn something from them…

 

Know The Inner YOU

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing in life, you will never achieve your goals in life if you’re not willing to look deep inside yourself and face your demons.

And nothing will make you face those demons as quick than that last rep on the bench. The one you didn’t think you could push up, that hard fought last rep.

You learn so much about yourself when you are willing to push yourself to your limits…Not the limits people place on you, Not even the limits you set for yourself, I’m talking about the point of complete Mental and Physical failure limits where you think your body cannot go any damn further…This is true failure..physical collapse.

“Meatheads”  face this daily…Many times over.

 

Pursue Your Passion

You’re not going to add 20-30 pounds of muscle to your frame by chance and you can’t squat double or triple your body weight through God-given talent alone..It’s take a pure Dedication to the craft. Pure Determination.

You need Persistence, the type of Persistence that can only come when someone has found their Passion.

The elite weightlifters are some of the most passionate people you will meet. A person doing this craft needs to be, putting yourself through the intense rigors of lifting day in and day out, is a grueling process. You will never last if you’re not truly passionate about it.

“Meatheads”  have this Passion…And they pursue it with all the brutal intensity that it deserves.

 

Personal Sacrifice

To reach the goals you set for yourself it will require Sacrifice. Something most people would choose to ignore.

But a weightlifter knows that strength can only be built through pain. There is no other way. They have to accept that simple fact and they don’t bitch about it, they don’t complain about how unfair it is…that other lifters have bigger bi’s or that Dan is over there out-deadlifting him by 100 pounds.

The lifter knows that Dan worked his ass off for those extra 100 pounds. And he knows that he will have to do the same if he wants to achieve that level of success.

“Meatheads”  are willing to make the Sacrifices necessary…They will Sacrifice their comfort. They will Sacrifice their time. They will Sacrifice the Friday nights out at the bars, sleeping late in the mornings and buffet lunches at Jade Garden.

Perhaps even after a set of 20 heavy squats they will Sacrifice that lunch all over the mat.

 

Iron Builds Iron

Weightlifting is a beautiful thing in my opinion, it’s all about growth, and I’m not just talking about muscle growth. Because what is the pursuit of strength if not an attempt at personal growth… To better yourself.

I think it is impossible to build strength of body without building strength of mind. The effort that is required to truly change your body is resistance on a whole different level. And this resistance must be overcome…Resistance that makes you stronger.

So the more that you give to the Iron…The more the struggle, blood and pain…The more it gives you in return…The more of its own qualities you embody.

You will become the Iron…Iron body…Iron mind.

There are so many people out there who are looking for a sure-fire way to build their own willpower. To build their character. They will search the internet looking for tips and tricks to help strengthen their mind and empower themselves.

Rarely do they ever consider the simple and proven methods before their eyes. Yes, all it takes is a trip to the local gym.

“Meatheads”  understand the fortitude that weight lifting builds…they have it because they have earned it.

 

So next time you see some big  “Meathead” don’t be so quick to judge.

How many times have you seen a well-muscled guy and thought  “He must spend all day in the gym…Dude needs a life”

Guess what, he has a life…And there is a good chance it’s probably a lot better than yours. Maybe we tried living a bit more like the  “Meatheads”  we might have more to show for our own efforts.

Useful Gym Etiquette You Should Learn!

usefulgymetiquetteyoushouldlearn

 

So I had a bad experience at the gym yesterday, there was this new guy in there, one that I have never seen before, I always tend to go at the same times every day and the same regulars are always there, I feel comfortable with that group, we all do our own thing, they all seem to know what machines I’m working on or what weights I’m using and they never try to interfere, so simply put I like these people, they are my gym people.

But this new guy, he was small, older, didn’t look like a lifter, but he seemed to be bouncing around all over the place, he even got on my machines when I wasn’t using them, imagine the nerve!  Well needless to say this guy put me in a bad mood, I let it ruin my workout, I will never get big now.  But if anything good came out of this, it gave me something to write about, so I feel it’s once again time for me to write down the rules, my rules of how to properly behave while at the gym.

If you are a new to the gym scene, or perhaps an old timer that has never played nicely while at the gym…There are rules you need to follow, rules set by bigger, stronger men…And some scary women.

 

Gym Rule #845  “Your Voice”

If you’re going to talk while at the gym, you must do so in a loud, crisp voice.  Almost as if you’re having a verbal altercation with the person you are speaking to, you may put others at ease by occasionally laughing as you and your friend insult other men who are not in the gym at the moment.

Remember it’s not that you mean to be so manly all the time, it’s just a simple fact that you are.

Also keep in mind when other gymrats are shouting back at you, be sure to have you shaker bottle or a water jug in your hand so that you may hydrate yourself and give yourself an opportunity to flex your  “Guns…pew…pew…pew”  You may also want to up the game and do some  “Air Squats”  at the same time, this move will give you some valuable gym cred. Just in case you don’t already know, proper  “Gym Talk”  is much like ballet…You can enforce your dominance by performing pirouettes while vehemently insisting that such moves build flexibility, stamina and cardio endurance, all while you’re talking about which dudes you could kick the shit out of using your special moves.

 

 

Gym Rule #295  “Self-Control”

I am one of those that believe the theory of weight lifting is to take it slow, gradually build up weight each week and in doing so you should develop into a bigger, better, healthier version of yourself.  The new  “You”  should then be able to kick the crap out of smaller, more domesticated people. I mean come on, I hope that you wouldn’t put in all this time and effort into becoming a huge muscle commando, just to waste it by being content with your gains and just sit in a meadow somewhere reading poetry and trying to communicate with nature.

Now let me give you some serious advice, there is so much information out there about Bodybuilding and Weightlifting, some good, some bad.  But none of it will do you any good if you don’t follow one simple, but very important rule…”Listen to what your body is telling you.”  Forget what the magazines tell you, just listen to your body, if you are pushing it too hard and not giving yourself time to recover you are only going to hurt yourself, it will take longer to reach your goals and if your just starting out you may quit early because of just not taking the time to listen.

 

 

Gym Rule #623  “Having The “T” Juice”

Guess what…People who are at a gym or  “Church”  as I call it, make noise. We want to be heard, it shows Dominance, much like a Lion’s  “Roar”  in the Serengeti.  Gymrats will look in the mirror and scream at themselves, and yes it sounds like they are crazy, obsessive freaks of nature. Now an outsider could argue that their  “Gains”  speak for themselves. But let’s face it, if you are like me, we are all battling inner insecurities and building a shell of hardened, solid muscle, which makes us at times look like ballooned animals, who can’t find clothing that fits, and operating simple machinery a challenge.

I could argue that our culture teaches us that working out is good for our health, but forgets to mention that we need to get bigger than the other guy. It is important to push yourself, besides it’s the best drug on the market, that feeling you get after finishing that last hard set, feeling your muscles, thick and full, like they might burst…It feels…like…Victory !!

 

Gym Rule #002  “Size, Yes It Matters”

If you spend most of your time in the gym like I seem to do, you get used to seeing big guys, they don’t seem physically intimidating, these are your people. But if you’re not in the best of shape, perhaps you blame genetics, or evolution, whatever you tell yourself to make up for the fact you can’t build muscle, the muscle your body needs to detract from the breast like curves of your chest, your puffy teats and Sasquatch like hair that you use to disguise the fact you couldn’t lift a small child, even using both hands while lying on your back.

Some little people like to blame the big guys for not going to the gym, they feel intimidated, they don’t want to be made fun of, these are bullshit excuses. That’s like blaming the bartender for you driving drunk.  Size Matters, the size of the heart in you, the Size of the spirit inside you, the Size of the desire and the will to do something about it. Stop making excuses, it is a slow process, just be man enough to see it through.

 

Gym Rule #593  “Women In The Gym”

Having women in the Gym is a beautiful thing, there is nothing sexier than a woman that works out.  What you need to know about them is this, 99% have no desire to be hit on while they are working out…so don’t!  Guys if you sit and stare at them, you will be classified as the  “Creepy Guy”  So let me share a secret with you, the gym is full of mirrors, it is entirely possible to  “watch”  that Hot girl without getting yourself classified as the  “Creepy Guy”  it takes some practice to master it, but it is well worth the effort.

 

Gym Rule #240  “The Wipe Down”

Don’t do it. Don’t come with a towel. Real men allow their scent to permeate through any leather so as to ward off potential threats.

 

Gym Rule #813  “The Shower Scene”

If your gym doesn’t have private showers, and it’s just an open bay, be sure to follow the proper shower etiquette. Keep the small talk to a minimum, never turn directly towards the person you are talking to, no guy really wants to have a full frontal conversation with another guy.  And if you forgot your towel, don’t ask to use another man’s wet towel, that’s just weird and you will get the  “Creepy Guy”  classification.

 

Gym Rule #105  “Protein Farts”

They are deadly, avoid inhaling them at all costs!

 

Now that you read the rules, get your ass in the Gym and lift some shit !

A Chat With…The Woman On The Treadmill

thewomanonthetreadmillachatwith

 

Excuse me, you remember me right?  We made eye contact here at the gym yesterday.  I was wearing my somewhat iconic  “You Can’t Ban These Guns”  t-shirt and you were wearing something blue-ish, or maybe green-ish, but whatever it was you looked great.

Does this ring any bells?

I will admit it was pretty packed in here yesterday, just like it is today, but I remember plain as day you were right here on this same treadmill.  If my memory serves me right, you were watching  “Keeping up with the Kardashians”  but no worries I won’t judge you for that.

I know it is a packed gym today, but still, there’s something about fate actually squeezing us next to each other on the treadmills…Oh, you didn’t notice me?

Well surely yesterday you must have noticed when our eyes met?  You were on this treadmill and I was sitting on the bench across from you, I was doing concentration curls?  You smiled at something on the show you were watching and looked up and I’m positive you caught me staring at you, I even gave you my trademark head move as if to say  “What’s Up”  then you looked down quickly, I just figured you didn’t want to seem like you were ogling me.

I was on the bench?  Doing concentration curls?

Oh, umm, well that’s okay.

Listen, I know you’re probably thinking this conversation is all a product of our patriarchal, misogynistic society and this is just a form of the male gaze and I’m probably viewing you as this unattainable object that can cure all my wants and desires, ending the nights of lonely slumber, or something of that nature.

Wait,  that is what you’re thinking?  And my self-awareness of the situation isn’t the least bit charming, but extremely creepy and self-indulgent?

Well…I can’t say that I necessarily agree with you. Side note, I didn’t expect the lady on the other side of you to be listening in on this, or that she would be vehemently shaking her head in agreement with you. I get it lady, you don’t need to take side here!

But back to the point…We had such a connection!

Like when you got done with the treadmill and went into the other room to do some stretches, I eventually followed you in there and started hitting the punching bag.  You picked up on that I was in there with you right?  I was watching you do the Downward Dog , that’s when I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing a punched the metal bar on accident. I saw the look of empathy you gave me as I screamed out in pain, but I was a little shocked you got up and left the room after that, I felt for sure you were going to come nurse my hand and tell me everything would be alright, cause we are together now.

Oh, you had your ear buds in and didn’t hear anything? And you actually didn’t even notice me in there with you?

I guess I’m surprised you’re still on this treadmill, Yes, I know you’re trying to workout, but I just thought maybe you’re starting to feel the same connection now? Huh, well yes, this place does have a manager why?

Let me just apologize about my incessant sweating, it’s something I’ve carried with me my entire life. It’s somewhat of an identifying characteristic of mine, my friends always say “He always sweats, Don’t mind him”

Of course I’ve tried prescribed deodorant, but thanks for the suggestion, really, I’m like impervious to all forms of expertly hygienic mandated deodorants. Back in ninth grade my sweat stains were so dramatic that once a teacher asked me if it was raining outside. How we laughed (the other students, not me)

Do I seem like a  “sweaty perv”  as the kids would say?

Oh…I do? Well that’s pretty candid of you.

Wow, all this running on the treadmill seem like it takes forever to go a mile huh?

I want to share something with you, perhaps it will help you learn more about me. I haven’t cried in a long time.  And I’ve always believed that crying is good for everyone.  When you cry you open yourself to extreme emotions, often times negative.  And then when that whole thing is done you’re vulnerable and free, and then all those happy emotions can pour in and create a reason to keep moving along, sorta like this treadmill, speaking of you have really been running fast on yours, almost seems like your running from something.

What’s that? Oh yeah, my treadmill stopped a long time ago, but I wanted to ride this conversation out.

Look I am going to be perfectly blunt with you, I’m lonely. That much is clear. And we have seen each other a few times in this gym and sure it’s creepy that I know that, and I’m perpetuating an unreal reality that you can’t possibly fulfill, not with the expectations I put on myself and subsequently on you. It’s just, I feel a lot, and I want to share those feelings with someone and I want that someone to share their feelings with me. To exist completely and wholly together. To wave our hands through the silhouette sunrise. To just get coffee or something…What do you say?

No, no, no, don’t worry about it…I totally understand, I didn’t even see the ring, what a careless mistake on my part.

Hey, you don’t happen to have a sister do you?

Common Sense Dumbbell Laws…Make America Safe Again!

makeamericasafeagain

 

In case you haven’t been paying attention to the news lately, I need to point out the rash of gruesome deaths being cause by Dumbbells.

There was another one over the weekend, this will undoubtedly raise the question of Dumbbell registration and many politicians are already promising to push the legislation through Congress. The media will hype these deaths up like they always do, just fear mongering plain and simple.

There have been several studies, the most recent one which was done by Montana State University, which disproves any link between children watching shows like  “Pumping Iron” or  “Generation Iron”  and adults using Dumbbells as a tool to commit homicide, again there is absolutely no correlation between the two.

There are some people calling for mandatory waiting periods before people can start using Dumbbells in the gym, perhaps even making people take a Dumbbell safety course before they can use them.  This will most likely also lead to Dumbbell registration and criminal background checks before you can purchase one, even at places like Walmart.

None of these measures will create any meaningful reduction in Dumbbell related crimes.  Some politicians even say there should be a mandatory waiting period when purchasing a Dumbbell, but this would fail to accomplish anything because there has never been a case of someone using a Dumbbell in a crime of passion.  Most crimes involving Dumbbells have turned out to involve illegal Dumbbells which were purchased on the black market, illegally shipped in from Mexico.

Some people want to limit the size and weight of Dumbbells, thinking if they limit the size to no larger than 25 pounds that this might somehow reduce their use in crimes. But there really is no distinction between a regular Dumbbell and an “Assault Dumbbell.”  Common sense would tell you that no Dumbbell has ever been made for the express purpose of hurting anyone.

The only exception to this was the  “Arnold Dumbbell”  which the military has designed for use in a failed operation against ISIS.  It turned out dropping the GPS guided Arnold Dumbbells had little effect on ISIS moral like the military hoped.

It really is strange to me that Dumbbells which were designed to help people gain muscle, to turn your biceps into  “Guns”   have themselves been turned into weapons of human destruction.  I mean if someone wants to kill another person they will do it, but for someone to choose a Dumbbell for that purpose just blows my mind.  Why not just use a firearm?  Or maybe even a knife?  It saddens me that Dumbbells have now been given an unfair characterization as a tool of murder.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say on average there are 15,000 murders a year in this country and out of those only 283 were caused by Dumbbells.  One would be too many but in the bigger picture 283 isn’t that alarming.

To put things in perspective more people die from Shark attacks each year.  Just in the state of Florida last year 934 people were eaten by sharks, but you never hear about this stories because the news doesn’t want tourism affected, but yet they report on Dumbbell deaths and make it sound like an epidemic, which is scaring people away from gym’s and fitness in general.

I think most people don’t realize that the majority of Dumbbell related deaths are not violent crime related. Do you realize you are twenty times more likely to be killed by a Dumbbell on accident?

The majority of these Dumbbell accidents occur when people are improperly using them while they exercise. Most cases result from people doing over-head presses and they lose their grip on the Dumbbell and it falls hitting them in the head, usually killing them instantly.

Several weeks I witnessed one of these accidents happen in my gym, there was this guy who was doing seated overhead presses with one hundred pound Dumbbells, I asked him if he needed a spot but he said  “I got this bro”  and on his very first rep, he lost his grip and one of the Dumbbells came tumbling down crushing his skull, I had blood and brain matter all over me, I nearly wasn’t able to finish my workout, but I pulled through and finished it…Thank God!

As parents it is important we teach our children the proper use of Dumbbells, whether it’s for sport, profession or as a hobby, if we teach our kids early enough on the proper safety precautions to take when using them, perhaps we can reduce the number of Dumbbell related accidents each year.

If you ever find yourself getting hit in the head by a Dumbbell either by accident or on purpose, please seek immediate medical attention, even if you feel like your injuries are not life threatening it is important to get checked out.  If you do receive a blow to the head from a Dumbbell, look for the warnings signs of injury, blurred vision, and large amount of blood loss, bleeding from the ears, nose and eyes, indented skull, caved-in skull, exposed brain matter, inability to move arms or legs, involuntary bowl movements, people around you screaming and unable to look directly at you without vomiting, these are all signs you should seek immediate medical attention.

Let’s not forget our country was founded on the principles that we are all free men, we have the right to bear arms, build big arms and lift big weights, which include Dumbbells. Don’t just sit there and let these hard fought freedoms be stripped away from us, just because some jackasses and their irresponsible use of our beloved Dumbbells, so many of these unnecessary deaths could be prevented if Bros just used a spotter.

So let’s all do our part in keeping each other safe at home or the gym, wherever Dumbbells are found let there also be safety found with them….God Bless America… God Bless our Troops and God Bless Those Who Use Dumbbells!

Oh… I Spend Too Much Time In The Gym Huh?

Ispendtoomuchtimeinthegym

 

Since I spend a lot of my time in the gym, I guess I have become oblivious to the fact that perhaps I spend  “too” much time in the gym.

I had someone tell me earlier today that there’s a fine line between working out and getting in shape and just plain freaking people out with your muscles. So I guess there needs to be some clear signs that perhaps you have crossed that line…Maybe these might help.

 

Your Incredible Hulk Halloween costume is just you shirtless.

You say  “Arnold in his prime”  while forming ironic quotation marks.

You remember days of the week as  “Legs, Chest, Arms…”

No matter the style, every shirt you wear becomes a muscle shirt.

You fall asleep by counting tubs of protein powder.

When people make small talk with you, it’s always, “Have you ever thought about becoming a pro wrestler?”

You have the chest of Hercules and the legs of his pet chicken Florence.

You remember your gym partner’s birthday, but not your mom’s.

You have won  “Strongest Walmart Employee”  five months in a row.

A bicep has sprouted on top of your bicep, and you named it “Precious!”

 

But personally I don’t care what anyone thinks, working out every day and trying to get as big as a house makes me happy…Haters gonna Hate!

A Father And Son Go To The Gym And Talk About…Life, Women And Freedom!

lifewomenandfreedom

 

A father and son went to the gym together, the son who was fairly young and not so sure of himself being in a gym, he watched as his father, a huge, muscular man who was covered in tattoo’s and scars, both he considered as a sign of a life well lived.  The son was simply in awe of the physical presence his father made while lifting the heavy iron, hoping one day he too could achieve such feats.

“Hey Dad?”  the boy said,  “What is it like to kiss a girl?”

The father paused briefly during his set, then he put down the weights.  He stared out the large window of the gym  “Well” he said…”I guess there comes a time in every young man’s life when he starts to see girls in a different light, no longer are they just merely looked at as friends but they are seen as something more, something special….I imagine that time has come for you too”

“I think so Dad”  the boy said as he looked down, somewhat embarrassed.

“I can still remember the first girl I ever kissed”  said the father, “she was this cute young thing named Faith.  And let me tell you son, that girl made a fool out of me. Every time I saw her I got weak in the knees and those butterflies in my stomach. But that day I had finally found the courage to kiss her on Valentine’s Day, it was a soft, sweet and ever so brief little kiss. And from that moment on I never felt nervous around her again.”

That sounds great”  the boy said  “I hope one day I too get to kiss a girl”

The father laughed  “In due time son”  he said,  “I imagine you will kiss plenty of girls before you find the perfect one you want to spend the rest of your life with”  Then the father picked the dumbbells back up and finished his set.

“Hey Dad?”  the boy said  “What’s it like to cheat on your wife?”

The father turned around and stared at his son, then he put the weights down again. “Well son, that’s a pretty serious question to ask”  he said  “Now as I see it every man should consider it his duty to remain loyal to his wife and kids. But once in a while a man gets that urge, the urge to move on. But you see that urge can get a man in trouble, do you understand?”

The boy nodded his head yes, even though he didn’t quite get the meaning of the  “urge.”

“Now son, let me try to explain this to you better so you understand. The first time I cheated on your mother was with this hot little thing named Nicole.  She had the face of an angel, brown hair that went down to her shoulders, let’s just say the girl the butt that only squats can give you, and the chest only a plastic surgeon can create.”   The father let out a laugh, “She truly was a great piece of machinery!”

 The son laughed along with his father, but then he saw his father’s face suddenly become serious.  “But let me be clear son, when you give in to the urge…it’s not anything you want to be involved with, no man should want to give in to the urge if they are married. But being with Nicole felt good for a while, I will give you that. But I do love your mother and she loves me back, so that’s the way it should be, do you understand me?”

“Yes, I do understand Dad”  the boy said.

“Well, good then, I’m glad you get it”  the father said as he picked up some more weights…”Because I never want to hear about you cheating on any girl you are with, I am not raising a cheater.”

“Hey Dad, what about punching Mr. Williams our neighbor?”  the boy asked  “What was that like?”

The father laughs, he puts the weights on the rack and said “Well, you see the funny thing about cheating, it causes you to get jealous, and there isn’t much that can stop a jealous man from making mistakes. Now, I’m the first one to admit I was totally wrong about your mother and Mr. Williams, I know that now. But man I sure did put a beating on that guy.”

“Hey Dad?”  the boy said  “What is it like to try and stuff a teddy bear full of gunpowder and mail it to President?”

The father started laughing again  “Well, hell son you are just full of questions today aren’t you?”  he said.

The boy smile and shook his head yes.

“Okay,”  he the father said,  “I will tell you something important about this amazing country we live in. I was raised to respect my country and cherish it.  The same way I have been teaching you.  But living in this amazing place comes with a high price my son. Our country was founded by brave men willing to sacrifice everything for Freedom and I believe that it is still every man’s duty to keep defending that Freedom. And once in a while, that even means you have to go against your own government when you feel they are going against the ideals and principles we were founded upon.”

“So sometimes”  the father said  “the best way to let the government know they are making mistakes is to go out in the shed, cut open your little sister teddy bear and fill it full of gunpowder, sew it back up and mail it to the President.”

The boy thought to himself that he had so much to learn about life, and he couldn’t help but wonder if one day he would know as much as his father does.

The father let out a chuckle and said   “Hell, I can still remember that Thanksgiving morning when the FBI came knocking on the door”  The father stared at the window again, gazing off into the distance, he muttered  “Yeah, I will never forget that day”  then he shook his head as if dislodging the memory stuck inside and picked up some weights to start another set.

“Hey Dad?”  the boy asked  “What is it like to do four scoops of that pre-workout stuff, strip yourself naked and run down the street trying to catch an imaginary dumbbell in your bare hands only to wind up in the Walmart parking lot surrounded by police officers, still naked, while trying to eat out of the garbage can, while screaming …I need protein bitches!?”

The father let out a booming laugh  “Maybe I will tell you about that one when you get a little older my son”  the father said  “But I will tell you this, never do more than 2 scoops son, never!”

“Yes, Sir”  said the son.

The father then put his hand in the boys hair and messed it up, with a huge grin on his face  “Ya know”  the father said, “I think that’s enough questions for today. Why don’t we head home and get some protein”  he said with a smile.

The boy nodded and the father and son left the gym, heading home …

When they got back to the house the boy saw his mother sitting on the couch reading a book so he went and sat next to her.

“Hey Mom”  the boy said  “What is it like to put on high heels, and those fish net stockings, along with that little black dress and then go down to the bad part of town and try to get men to pay you to have sex with them?”

The mother just laughed and with a smile she said  “Go ask your father!”

Pssst…Hey Buddy, Want Some Excuses? I Got What You Need!

hillarybitchslapyou

 

So are you looking for some excuses today to not go workout?

Do you need help?  If you’re really needing some good excuses I will help you out,  since I am always trying to promote living a healthy lifestyle I think it’s only fair that I once in a while keep it balanced and help those who have no desire to improve themselves.

Here are 20 Awesome reasons NOT to go workout today:

 

You’re saving up for the lap-band surgery.

You’re going to start… and you are going to eat freaking perfect too man… you’re going to do everything right… going to get RIPPED!… and you’re starting tomorrow… it’s going to be so damn awesome!!

You like to train outside. But it’s too hot, too cold, raining, snowing, there’s a tornado warning, or it’s too nice of a day out to be exercising… who works out on a perfect day like this?

You’re waiting until you can afford supplements. You really like supplements.

 You’re waiting to get your diet in order.

 You saw a website that said it’s better to just take green coffee extract, or Acai extract, or blueberry testicle extract… or some other crazy supplement.

 You’d rather take a step away from your goals than take a step towards them.

 You have no goals.

 You do not want to hurt yourself.

 You’re waiting for New Year’s… 2017!

 You’re in a relationship now so screw it.

 You’re going to try Weight Watchers first… Jewelie at work is getting really good results with it.

 You do not want to get calluses.

 You do not want to get all tight and muscle bound.

 You actually do plan on working out today. Right after you finish this beer.

 Only insecure people need to work out to overcompensate for their insecurities.

 Endorphin’s are addictive and you do not want to get hooked. All it takes is one workout. You’d rather be safe than sorry.

 Chicks don’t like guys who work out. They want guys with money.

 You let your workout program fall by the side lately, so you’re going to ride it out a while.

 Health isn’t all that important.

 

Yeah…So just go work out already will you?

If you’re not really  “feeling”  it today just tell yourself you’re just going to do a few light sets. And within 10 minutes you’ll be hitting it hard…DO IT!!

The Morning Struggle

Themorningstruggle

 

Ah Man…It’s 5am,  I really just want to sleep in, maybe sleep until noon. That’s all I’m thinking right now. I should just toss the blanket up over my head and ignore the cat who has worked herself up into a feeding frenzy…She is a creature of habit just like me, if she doesn’t get her food at 5am she will make sure nobody in the house sleeps…But just today I want to sleep in.

But of course that’s not going to happen, I relent to the cat’s insane antics and get up to feed her. And few moments later I’m two cups into a coffee bender, no chance of going back to sleep now. Besides I’ve already been pretty productive, fed the beast, got dressed for the gym, posted my new morning blog on the social network accounts and most importantly enjoyed a few moments of quality bathroom time (always important to start the day right), trying to get myself motivated for my training session is what seems the toughest thing today… I just don’t want to.

I keep telling myself stop being a little bitch and get it over with.

Well, that didn’t work, perhaps I could go back to sleep, I could just lay on couch and watch the news, that might help me doze off a bit.

Ahh…Man Up and get to the gym!!

Nope…This battle is not going well. The couch looks mighty damn fine this morning and the thought of doing anything remotely strenuous seems about as attractive as a wet, fly covered cat turd.

Screw it…I will just make it up another day.

It’s all over…I caved in, I allowed in inner slacker to win.

Guess I really am just a lazy ass bum.

Then as if out of nowhere the Man in me steps up, grabs me by the balls and whispers. It’s time to go… Go where…Go Train. Why? Because it’s what you do, YOU committed yourself to this process and YOU will not fail!!

The next thing I know I’m giving everything I got. Iron in my hand, the pathetic slacker who was vacillating from just a while ago has been completely forgotten. I am truly living only in the moment!

How the Hell did this Happen?

There isn’t a person on this planet, I don’t care how dedicated you are to this craft that gets pumped for each and every workout. Just not gonna happen.  And anyone who tell you that they do are full of it. When the Motivation is high and you’re on a new routine it can be stimulating. But just give it a few months (some people don’t even last that long) and things start to feel tiresome and stagnant.

Keeping your training routine is tough business, even harder than the routine itself in my opinion. I don’t really think it’s in our nature to want to push ourselves into that painful zone on such a regular basis. Actually at times it feels pretty stupid to keep punishing myself the way I do…It would be so much easier just to simply not do it.

And that is what it all really comes down to, Working out is HARD. And sticking with a routine for the long term is damn near impossible for most. But like most things in life, it’s the challenges that are the most rewarding. Look not to the blessings in life, but to the struggles, for they make us who we are.

So each morning it’s the same. The same struggle. I struggle to gather the motivation to go train. If that fails I struggle to shame myself into working out. And that usually fails as well. All the while, this mental struggle takes its toll on me, it tires me. It’s all pointless, I may as well just do it and get it done with. Because this is what I do, it is the life I have carefully crafted for myself.

This is the key to it all, you have to understand that all the reasons we put ourselves through this struggle, whether it’s for health, for the looks, whatever. All these goals we make for ourselves are just easily discarded pipe dreams when we have no Motivation in us. Sitting my ass on that couch, watching TV will always be more appealing than the pain and punishment I put my body through in that gym.

Motivation is fleeting, Persistence is unstoppable. Or better yet…

Persistence will make YOU unstoppable!

It is Persistence that separates the winner from the rest of the pack. Giving up is just too damn easy. Choose the hard path. Make it what you do. If you’re confronted with two choices, choose the more difficult…If for no other reason than to challenge it. Can you just imagine the character that would be forged from a lifetime of challenge?

Create the image of your body that you will forge from sticking to your routine on all those days you want to quit.

That’s the payoff of persistence.

So on this morning, when working out is the last thing in the world you want to do, just remember…You train because it’s hard. You train because it’s a struggle. It’s the challenge you seek!