Stop Your Techno Rudeness!

And Rant engaged….I’m growing to hate cell phones and computers more and more every day, basically all technology is evil in my opinion today, my opinion will most likely change by tomorrow, but for today, it’s evil.

I am even mad at the guy who invented cell phones, whoever it may be, oh I’m sure when the idea of being able to communicate no matter where you were was great at the time, a utopia of connectivity. But the truth of it is far different, this mobile technology has created a society of downward-gazing nincompoops. And I can envision world were increased technology has caused people’s elbows to fuse, there will no longer be joints at the elbows, your arms will be nothing more than skin covered tripods to aid us in taking terrible pictures of food, (food that nobody cares about but you) and of children (if you’re not related to the kid, nobody cares, and even if your related they don’t care) and of your significant others (seemingly just to provide photographic proof to your friends that this person does truly exists)

Why has it become so important that we must configure our lives around the notion that we must remain in all social circles at all times? Call me cold-hearted, but I don’t care if you cousin just had twins. I’ve never been a fan of other people’s kids anyways and there’s a pretty high probability that if I’m not in constant contact with your cousin already, then I probably don’t like her either. Unless your cousin and you are naked don’t send me the pictures.

And since I’m on a roll now, let me also make you aware that I honestly don’t care what you ate for lunch, unless you’re eating your lunch naked, then I might be interested.  I really, really don’t care at all how  “gangsta”  or  “thug”  you think you are crouching next to your  “pimpin”  ride, I will just laugh at you and probably make insulting memes out of your pictures.  Also let me be clear, I have never claimed to be unique in my distaste for these things, I only claim to be much angrier and annoyed about them.

I’m not totally against all forms of sharing and staying connected, it’s reasonable to stay closely connected with long-time friends, our significant others (if I had one) and of course kids.  But why must your phones remain on the table while we drink coffee?  Have you suffered some type of emotional trauma in the past when you looked at your phone after it was in your purse or pocket and saw that you got a new  “Like”  or text message and missed it?  Do you feel safer knowing that if for one  “Nano Second”  I don’t somehow enthrall you, then you can grab your phone and be stimulated momentarily by some duck-facing tart on your news feed?

I say if you want to communicate with me in person, that would be fantastic and at the same time soul-crushingly rare. But if you are one of the masses to whose hand an electronic device must always be fused to, then please do us a favor before engaging in actual conversation, take that phone and shove it up your rear end. I imagine that picture of your bowels will get dozens of  “likes”  within minutes.

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