You Know Who You Are….
For the better part of a week you have been hounding me about buying some chocolate from your daughter to support her cheer team. You violated the unwritten code of the gym by leaving an order form on the counter…Knowing I would see it. Not to mention emailing me the link to the chocolate company and a picture of your daughter as if that would make me want to buy the cheap-ass chocolate she is pushing. Well, I have been thinking this whole chocolate buying thing over all day, and I want to let you know that I have reached a decision. I’m sorry, but I cannot buy any chocolate from your daughter at this time.
I think it’s only fair that I share my reasoning for not buying any chocolate from your daughter. First of all, I don’t like chocolate. I would never eat it and since I believe in living a healthy and clean lifestyle I wouldn’t buy the chocolate then give it to someone else. Secondly, I have no idea who your daughter is, we have never met. This on its own is usually a deal breaker for me since I like to know the people I am buying products from when they are selling them to support a cause or group. For all I know your daughter could be a member of ISIS and her cheer team could just be a cover for a secret terror cell looking to do harm in my state. Now I realize your daughter is probably not a member of ISIS and her cheer team is most likely just a cheer team. But your daughter might be a little shit, she might bully and demean other girls, maybe the girls who couldn’t make the cheer team, maybe your daughter sells drugs or maybe, just maybe your daughter is one of the little punk as bitches who threw eggs at my house last Halloween. So this is why I like to know the kids I support by buying stuff from them.
I’m not done, I still have more reasons why I will not buy anything from your daughter. Okay, so thirdly, perhaps if your daughter would have come to me personally and tried to make the sale directly to me I might have been more inclined to buy some chocolate from her, I could have asked her a few questions, maybe got a feel for her character and proceeded from there. But, since she employed you, her mother, in the execution of her sales, this to me reflects laziness. She manipulated you into doing her work for her. What kind of Mother are you? Are you going to do everything for her? You probably do her homework for her as well don’t you? Your daughter would have been better served going out door-to-door in the community, it would have given her a chance to work on her self-confidence, public speaking skills, and learning to take no for an answer. But it is clear to me that the loss of any revenue she would have gained through me is the least of her issues.
And another thing, and this is directed more at the so called “Mother” in this situation, do you have any idea how irresponsible and sleazy it was for you to leave a chocolate order form on the counter at the gym? I found it socially irresponsible. Your behavior was downright reprehensible. I feel by making the record of chocolate orders public like that, you created a hostile and dare I say volatile atmosphere of personal anxieties and unstable egos. The pressure you and your daughter have put on everyone in the gym, is just distasteful, Nobody wanted to wear the scarlet letter of shame for ordering the fewest chocolate bars, you know full well how competitive everyone here at the gym is. Deep down I think you did this on purpose, you probably found some delight in the trouble you and your daughter have caused.
And now with a weeks’ worth of overwhelming pressure for me to make a chocolate purchase has come to an end. I have returned the order form you gave me. (You will see that I did at one point nearly succumb to the pressure and start to order a one pound box of chocolate kisses, but later I scribbled it out) I am proud to say I came to my senses and decided to take a stand today. I refuse to be coerced by you, your daughter’s chocolate proxy. I only hope by me going public with my actions it will help others who find themselves in the same situation, those poor folks who have been forced into this unfair position, an unwanted moral obligation to financially support your daughter’s cheer team or ISIS terror cell…I’m not completely sure on it to be honest. So for those innocent people I take a stand! And just let me be clear this also goes for any future morally bankrupt business ventures you and your daughter might try to impose upon me or anyone at the gym. Today’s NO is also tomorrows NO!
I will also ask you to relay this message to your daughter. It would be nice if you could read this letter or proclamation as I prefer it is looked upon as to your daughter with the theme music from the “Last of the Mohicans” playing in the background. I was listening to it as I wrote this so I think it’s only fitting.
Also, on a related subject. If your daughter finds herself with a surplus case of chocolate with caramel centers and she is unable to off-load them on anyone, I might be interested in taking those off her hands, but at a substantially discounter price…Thank You.