That Time I Was In A Coma!



I was going through an old box yesterday, I found some old medical records, seems like I get hurt a lot, but one incident stood out among the rest.  The time I was in a horrible recyclables accident and ended up in a coma for 14 hours. I found the medical records for that incident in the box, it has the transcript of my interactions once I had finally come out of my coma….Thought it might make for an interesting read.

HELP….HELP ME!!  Where am I?….HELP M…Oh yes, thanks I could use some water, my throat is so dry. You…you’re a doctor? Am I at a hospital? What the hell is going on? Where are my wife and kids?

I was in an accident? But…At the recyclables place? I was badly hurt…a baseball bat to the head? What? I was in a coma?….COMA!?! Dear God…How long have I been asleep?

Tell me the truth, I have to know…

What? Fourteen hours? Are you sure about that? Are you telling me I was in a coma for nearly a whole day?…Well, I guess your right…I was in a coma for little more than half a day then. What’s today’s date? Please…tell me what is today’s date?

I…can’t remember anything…I can’t remember anything since yesterday….Dear God!

I can’t believe this happened to me….Everything looks the same outside the window, but….please, what show is this on the TV? I don’t…I don’t recognize any of the people on this show…Oh my God! (Sobbing)

I guess I should be thankful that you still speak English here….I can only imagine what the world is like now, everything I knew…everything I loved…so much time…(more sobbing)

Doctor…please, tell me ….What…What’s the biggest thing on the Internet right now? A funny video of a cat? A cat that dances? No…I haven’t seen it, how could I…I’ve been in a coma remember! I just don’t understand…how could it dance? Back in my time cats couldn’t dance…so much time lost…so much has changed.

Oh my God…My Facebook account!?…I’ve gone all this time without updating it, no gym selfie’s, no funny meme’s…I can only imagine what people must think, they probably think I’m dead. They all must be so sad…Please Doc, I need to update, I need to let them know…

Wait…who was eliminated on Cutthroat Kitchen yesterday? Why don’t I just watch it? Jesus Man just tell me!! Alright, pull it together, I just need to realize I am a man from the past…who is now living in the future, things will be different…I feel disconnected from civilization already.

Doc…Is…is it even still on the air? Cutthroat Kitchen! Jesus man, I’m going through enough as it …have some compassion!

What? Really? There is someone who wants to see me?

Who…You? Angel?  Oh yes, my wife …Oh Yes! I do remember you…you must have remarried by now. Its okay, I forgive you for not waiting, for not being here with me, I understand…life must go on…I wish you nothing but happiness in your new life!

And who is this? Is this our son? Wait, I know your name, your Nathan. I am so, so sorry to have missed so much of your life, please, forgive me…your father, I left you in you when you needed me the most?

So many things I missed doing with you, playing catch, talking to you about the birds and the bee’s…Tell me son, are you in love? Have you managed to accomplish your dreams? Ah, I can only imagine how different your life might have been if I would have been there for you. (sobbing again)

I am sorry, I can never forgive myself…Yes, please help me wipe my nose. What are they called? What?  A  “tissue”….they call Kleenex’s tissues now? But…I just don’t understand this world.

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