Well hey there my friends, how many of you lucky bastards wants to be stinking rich? How many of you like having money? How many of you like spending money? Who here has more debt than money and are afraid one day you might have to sell a few of your organs to pay that debt off? This one is for the guys, who wants to score a supermodel? Okay then sounds like some of you might be interested in my new investment plan I have created which is almost guaranteed to make you stinking rich in a few short months.
Now I didn’t say it would be easy, nothing this good ever is but with my easy four step plan which I call “The Stinking Rich Program” you will be able to be…that’s right…Stinking Rich!
So how is this possible? It’s really simple, I call it “Swole Economics” First thing you do is go find yourself an easy job, one that you like doing, maybe you want to work at Taco Bell, remember you want to keep this simple, so just work one or two shifts a week, you will get some money and some food, can’t beat that. Now let’s crunch some numbers along with some tacos, you’re going to make like ten bucks an hour and probably work five or six hours a shift, then times that by two days a week, then times that by four weeks a month times three months total…Holy Shit, that’s probably like fifteen grand right there. Can you say Ka-Ching! and Ba-Da-Boom!!
Alright, now that you have all that Taco Bell money it’s time to move on to step two, what’s step two? Well my friends it’s simple, you need to add a few more shifts at Taco Bell, that’s right, you saw all that money you made just working two shifts a week, now double that taco cash, take on a total of four shifts a week, more shifts, means more money, more money means more shit you can buy!! Can you say Ba-Bling!! and Ba-Da-Bling!!
Okay so far you’re doing great, you doubled your shifts at Taco Bell and you are literally rolling in the cash. Now it’s time to implement step three, when you get your paycheck, don’t deposit it, get all the cash out and bring it straight to me. That’s right I’m step three, I like to think I’m the best part. You see I’m a Un-Regulated Wage Maker or Bookie for short, I will give you the odds on all the current games and races out there. Let’s say you decide to wager everything you have on the dog races, all you need to do is pick a dog, any dog at all and if it wins then Ka-Ching!! Ba-Da-Bling!! You will be Stinking Rich!! You will have so much money you won’t know what to do with it all. But the down side is if you are anything like me you will have terrible luck at the dog races….Stupid dogs! In that case you lose everything, but hey, no worries my friend it’s all figured into my “The Stinking Rich Program” so why don’t you just head down to the bar and drown your sorrows in a bottle of Jack.
Now you’re probably thinking, hold up, how can I buy a whole bottle of Jack when I just blew all my money on those stupid dogs? Well, to be honest you probably shouldn’t have done that. But I’m a Bookie, so I won’t tell you NO, I’m not your Father, at least I don’t think so? Anyways, my Stinking Rich Program has your back. So you find yourself in a financial hole right? So what you do is take on a few more shifts at Taco Bell, I know genius, Right? You can even go into debt for a while if you need to because you will be able to work yourself out of it thanks to Taco Bell.
So fast forward, your work two more months at Taco Bell, now you have a little of that taco cash saved up, but not enough as it is to pay everything off, so what do you do? Step Four, that’s what you do, what is step four? Well you take that cash you worked all those extra shifts at Taco Bell to get and you bring it right back to me, your Bookie. Or as I like to consider myself your Investment Bookie. This time we aren’t going to screw with those damn dogs, this time you are going for a sure thing, you bet it all on Black 7, it’s a sure thing. Oh shit, you’re a freaking idiot, you lost it all again. Why the hell do you keep doing this shit? But no worries, I got you covered my friend. Since you weren’t able to get Stinking Rich by following my simple four step program I now offer you an additional two extra steps, they will cost you a little extra, but right now you don’t have many other options.
So let’s talk about step five shall we, you are in a pretty big financial hole, and if you don’t find a way to pay it off, your Bookie (Me) is going to make sure you end up another hole. You following me here? You owe thousands of dollars to some pretty nasty people, one of them being me. And you clearly have a gambling problem on top of it all.
Now it’s time to talk about step six. That’s right, you know what happens now don’t you? Oh, you don’t? Well it’s simple, you need to go rob a bank, this way you can pay off what you owe me and still have a bunch of money left over for yourself, see, you still will be Stinking Rich after all.