Don’t Take This The Wrong Way… But I Like The Facebook YOU Better!



I must congratulate you my Facebook friend for such a seamless transition from your story regarding how difficult things are for you, asking us to say a little prayer for you, then twenty minutes later posting a photo of the wonderful looking cookout you are having at your cabin, you cracked me up with your caption  “Looks like we are eating out AGAIN…Oh, well”  I will admit, I almost felt your pain, then I looked at the photo again and saw not only huge steaks but lobsters as well.  And that corn on the cob looked like it should be in a food magazine, the potatoes and green beans, so lovely looking.

And I couldn’t help notice the bottles of Champagne, looks to me like you were having a celebration…I guess those prayers you asked for must have paid off.  See God does work wonders and so quickly it would seem.

I always find the humor in your status updates most delightful.  I hate to say it, the real life version of you just doesn’t seem as funny, especially after you throw back a few glasses of wine and begin endlessly ranting about your ex and how he wronged you and all your money problems and then you cap the evening off with a rash of petty resentments against friends and family.  But the Facebook version of you is one funny and thoughtful little paragraph after another.

For example the other day you typed…

“Just spending my afternoon at the dealership, the salesman is trying to talk me out of it but I am willing to pay for the optional accessories, because if I’m going to spend my money on a Lexus I won’t drive it without everything that can go in it…My boyfriend thinks I must have been royalty in a past life…He might be right LOL”

I think this Facebook update, it was a hot tamale compared to the previous week when your real life status update consisted of drinking four bottles of Brute at The Steak House spouting off ….

“I think I have to find a cheaper gym, I can’t keep spending this much money at the Salon and forget about my nails…My boyfriend is a Dick!…I have to start cutting back, this month sucks, I’m gonna be screwed…Get in your fallout shelter people the world is coming to an end!”

You were freaking out so badly you didn’t even eat half of the stuffed mushrooms and steak tar tar appetizer you ordered. But you sure could drink that wine. You made it clear you don’t like Asians, at least three or four times. You even yelled it, at the waitress.  And even the table next to us and lastly to nobody in particular, mostly the ceiling fan. But I’m pretty sure it was just the Brute talking because the Facebook version of you liked two different trade groups that endorse easing trade restrictions in Asia.

I would say looking at your photos on Facebook, it would appear that you never know where you might end up on any given day, perhaps wishing for those 4 lazy days of summer you spent on the Coast, soaking in the sunshine, then ending the day with a gorgeous multi-colored sunset. Then suddenly we find you in another city one weekend seemingly caught unaware of that forty-five day advance purchase of economy plane tickets to get you there. Then there is the fancy meal in a swanky establishment whose name makes no sense because it’s that swanky, and then there’s the impromptu shopping trips to Vegas that seem to overshadow the layoffs and cutbacks where we work…Really makes you wonder.

I will admit, I adore that the Facebook version of you is so spiritual almost bordering on religious and at times even philosophical. But…The real life you is, let’s just say ….pretty damn quick to judge people for believing in anything more than cheaply priced wine, entry level luxury cars, restlessness and chronic dissatisfaction with life. But thankfully the Facebook version of you has created a completely enchanting web bio that makes one think you are a cross between Steve Job’s and Hippie holdout from the 60’s who has been living on a commune for way too long.

For example you’re about me statement was brilliant…

“This life we live in is just a small temporary celebration of something to come which is far larger and eternal. We share our paths, sometimes we travel at different times than those closest to us, but I would like to think we never travel alone. Material gains such as money and possessions cannot be life’s indicator of Wealth.  That is found in love and experience, which are both created and imagined”

That statement always gets me excited, even recalling it right now gets the juices flowing. I just want it to be true, it feels like it could be true, well at least when I’m under your spell of creatively rendered Facebook photos of a life going according to plan, mixed in with some status updates from days that never fail to overwhelm you with their spontaneous gifts, no matter how simple or exciting. Honestly, the Facebook version of you is the kind of person I have always wanted to know.  So I am going to make that dream of mine come true, so now I do know a person like the Facebook you…Here is to not ever seeing you again in real life.

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