America Is Chunky And I Want To Help Slim It Down!



In case you haven’t noticed, there is something wrong with America.  We have an epidemic, well actually we probably have a whole bunch of epidemics but I am only focusing on one of them today, can you guess what I’m talking about? Of course not, you are too busy snacking on crap while you listen and watch crap, which in turn makes you feel like crap.

So cut the crap you silly skin bags, sorry I’ve been wanting to say that all day. Anyways, what am I talking about? Oh yeah, the problem with America is that America, home of the brave, land of the free is FAT!  We take the cake for being the fattest country on the planet, we super-size everything including our heart attacks.

Now I know it will be hard to change the way adults eat, they are set in their ways and resist change.  It would probably be easier to make Obama a better President than to make Bubba in Alabama give up friend chicken and beer.

But if you want to change the way a free society thinks, you don’t target the older people you target the youth. We have a greater chance of teaching little Timmy in second grade to make healthy choices than trying to teach little Timmy’s Dad ..Big Earl, cause Big Earl is already set in his ways and doesn’t want to hear your bullshit about what he should eat.

So screw Big Earl and let’s go after little Timmy and the rest of the kids, maybe the next generation will be healthier and maybe, just maybe Canada will then turn into the fattest country on the planet.

So my idea is simple, kids like games right?  So I thought of some new games we can teach kids while they are in school, and with any luck it will help them become healthier and more physically fit, it’s all about teaching them to make good choices and live a healthy lifestyle.


Game: You Sleep, You Lose

So this game is so simple it’s almost not even a game, there is only one rule…Stay Awake.

The object of the game is to see who can stay awake the longest. Now this game can’t really be played at school alone, so encourage the kids to stay awake when they go home, tell them not to sleep. Everyone knows that kids are at their least active while they are sleeping.  So the idea is to eliminate that 7-9 hours a day that kids spend sleeping and have them engaged in physical activities instead, the amount of fat burning this will cause is simply amazing.  This might sound off the wall right now, but just think about it for a while, you know deep down that it is a fantastic idea.


Game: Extreme Catch

I think every kid knows how to play catch, but Extreme Catch is a whole different animal. This game will help bring kids closer together, it will teach teamwork, sportsmanship and proper hand eye coordination.

The kids should be given a rubber ball to throw back and forth, the goal is to catch the ball ten times in a row without dropping it.  If someone does drop it, the PE teacher should immediately hack off the students non-dominate hand with a machete.  You will be amazed at how focused the kids will be while playing this game, also for the kids who lose a hand it will help them eat less as well.  Plus they will save money on gloves, and they will always value and appreciate their good hand and won’t do stupid stuff to lose it.  See all kinds of benefits.


Game: Mad Max

This game teaches self-reliance, it will make the kid problem solve and use his head.  The object of the game is fairly simple, you find an empty classroom, lay mats out across the floor, along with various edged weapons and clubs, baseball bats, etc.

How to play…turn the lights off to the room, you have two boys or two girls enter the room, and when the lights come on the two boys run to grab a weapon and try to eliminate the their opponent, same goes for the girls.  Only one student can walk out of the room a winner.  Boys will never fight against the girls, we know that would be unfair, the boys would never win.


Game: Flaming Stars

In this game, the PE teacher sets up a pitching machine in the middle of the gym floor. You have all the kids line up against one wall, the object of the game is for the students to run to the opposite wall of the gym, without getting hit by a flaming baseball.

The PE teacher will douse the balls in lighter fluid and light them prior to letting the pitching machine hurl the balls at the students. It is a fun option to turn the lights of in the gm which will make the flaming baseballs look more spectacular while traveling towards the students. This game will really help the students tap into their hidden athleticism and metal focus in order to avoid becoming a flaming catcher’s mitt.


Game: Road Rage

This game is fun on many levels, have the students gather on the football field, have them partner up, teams of two, and to make sure they stay together you have to tie them together at the waist with rope, this will teach them to work as a team literally.

The PE teacher will get a golf cart or ATV, whichever is available at the school. The object of the game is for the teams to run from one end-zone to the other, while working as a team and while avoiding the PE teacher who is trying to run them down in the golf cart or ATV. This game takes fun and replaces it with survival instincts, the students will come away from this game stronger mentally and physically.


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