I’m Going To Teach You Some Sweet Dance Moves!



Now just let yourself get caught up in the music…

Well, don’t be stupid…Turn some music on then, won’t you? I mean come on, you weren’t going to try and dance without any music were you? Is something wrong with you?

What kind of music? I don’t know something with a good beat.  No, not that one.  Hell no, not Moby, keep looking…

Fine, Taylor Swift then.

Now just let the music take hold of you, do you feel it touching you?  Well, try clapping along with it then…wait not so fast…No, now you’re going to slow…Dammit, why are you making this so hard?

Okay, let’s try this instead, don’t clap.  Just try to move your feet around a bit with the music, try shuffling around at a smooth and steady pace, there that looks pretty good, I think you might be getting it.

Let’s now take it up a notch, just start moving your arms around with the beat of the music, let it guide you in your movements…

What the Hell!  Stop doing that, stop it right now!  What the hell are you thinking?  Why did you do that?  Are you sick in the head or something?  That was totally inappropriate and if you do something like that again we are done, got it!?

Alright, let’s try this again, this time when you move your arms, bend them slightly at the elbows.  No, don’t flap them like that, you’re not a migratory bird, just relax, feel the beat, and let your arms flow with the beat.

Listen, that looks weird, don’t just lock your elbows at a right angle, you look like a little monkey jumping around, just relax, why can’t you just relax?  Is it really?  Your life can’t be that hard that you can’t relax your arms…

What?  Oh so now it’s my fault?  Really?  I’m the reason you can’t relax your own arms?  Huh?  That’s bullshit, I have not been  “screaming”  at you.  Look, let’s both just calm down, maybe we are both getting a little worked up here.  Maybe I did raise my voice just a little, but I wasn’t screaming.  I don’t scream, Okay?

Oh come on, stop that…Alright, look I am sorry, honest.  I really am sorry, I was wrong and you are totally right.  I realize teaching you to dance was all my idea and you have been a good sport about it.  What?  Yes, I do think you are correct, I am an asshole.  But I only get worked up because I want you to do well, I know you have the potential to be a great dancer.

Please, let’s just start over, just go back to when you were shuffling your feet, you were doing great up to that point.

Nice, there you go, you are doing great.  See you are a natural.

Now, let’s just try moving those arms again, follow along with the music, there you feel that beat?  Yeah, that’s right, just sway those arms back and forth.

So, yeah, you’re doing good, just keeping doing that, sway them back and forth, shuffle those feet, that’s good…So , remember you can bend those elbows just a little more.

Awesome, see you are really getting the hang of this now.  If you keep this up you will be tearing up the dance floor in no time.  Let’s try mixing up your moves just a bit.  Just let the music flow through you, that’s right, do you feel it?  Sweet, you look like a natural.

Wait, No…Oh come on, I didn’t mean to laugh like that, it’s just when I said you looked like a natural, I just didn’t understand what you thought felt natural to you would look like that.  Look, I’m sorry it just slipped okay.

Wait, what are you doing?  Are you crying?  Really?  Oh Jesus, are you kidding me?  Why is it always this way with you?  I try and do something nice for you and just because it doesn’t go the way you want what do you do?  You start crying.

Is this like some sick and twisted way of trying to thank me?

Look…I’m just trying to help you, can’t you see that?  I just figured you would have more fun at the party if you could dance.

So what do I do?  I take time out of my busy schedule to try and teach you…Time I could have spent doing other things, fun things, I could be at the gym right now, but instead I’m here, trying to teach you to dance.

You know what? I really don’t need this. I have enough going on in my life I really don’t need this headache.  But hey, don’t let any of that stop you, just keep crying, just keep trying to make me feel bad…Way to go!

What’s that?  Yeah, you’re damn right you are sorry.

No, I have had enough, that’s why, I don’t want to teach you anymore.

Oh, I see…Now you’re going to dance huh?  Without any help from me?  Then go right ahead…Just Dance!  I don’t give a shit!

No, I’m not even going to watch you, I don’t care anymore, learn on your own…

Well…Alright, maybe just a few pointers.  Now you still aren’t bending your arms.  Come on bend them, just try…Just a little more.  No! That looks ridiculous, why would you do that move again. Oh my God!

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