Maybe One Day You Will Understand Life Isn’t Fair…Until Then Just Whine About It!



Well, I’m sorry to hear about your problems, your troubles, and the daily dose of bullshit you drink down in that shot glass named Life.

We all have problems, we all have shit taking up space in our heads, we all have that crazy ex, crappy boss, crappy friends, but we just ignore them and move on.  Did you lose your job? Damn so close to Christmas and all too. Can’t pay your rent? Where will you go? You got sick?  Man that is rough. All of these things suck, they seem unfair when they happen to us, but that is Life, and sometimes it’s brutal. But unless you put the barrel of that gun in your mouth and pull the trigger you agree to the terms and conditions that Life has made for you…So suck it up and drive on.

Hey, I’m not trying to be insensitive or anything, but come on,  Life is a bitch sometimes.  Bad things happen to bad people, and even a few of us good folks as well, but you deal with it.

One second you are having a great conversation with your best friend and the next thing you know, your friend collapses to the ground…Dead!  Or maybe YOU collapse to the ground …Dead!  Or maybe your still alive and your dead friend comes back to life, which freaks you out and you hit your friend with a hammer, and he collapses to the ground again, this time really dead.  And now you’re a murderer…See sometimes Life can be so unfair, but you deal with it….And bury the body.

Sometimes Life is funny, sometimes it makes no sense. There’s no rhyme or reason to anything.  It’s like you go to one coffee shop and see a group of Hipsters drinking their Latte’s and grooming their beards, then you go to another coffee shop across the street and see an entirely different group of Hipsters drinking Espressos and reading the Wall Street Journal.  Can you explain any of this? No, of course you can’t.

The only thing predictable about Life is that it’s totally unpredictable.  You never know where you may end up.

Perhaps you will see people running a 5k on your way to work and you will stop and join them, and later find out they were not really running a 5k at all, but instead they were running from your car because you were driving on the sidewalk. You just never know what you will get into each day, that’s the unpredictability part.

As bad as it gets sometimes there is always the bright side of Life, where anything is possible.  You can be anything you want.  Maybe you would like to be a Gynecologist or a Banker. Or perhaps you would like to kidnap and hold for ransom Justin Bieber. Or maybe instead of Bieber you can kidnap Taylor Swift, you would probably get more money for her anyways. But if kidnapping isn’t your thing you could join the cast of a local musical group who is putting on a performance of  “50 Shades of Grey”  It might be the best thing you ever do, or maybe you will get arrested for indecency and end up doing hard time in prison. But the beauty of Life is you can do whatever you want…as long as you don’t get caught.

Personally, I would like to see someone kidnap Justin Bieber…But that’s just my opinion.

Abraham Lincoln once said…”Life is like riding a unicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving”  Damn, Old Abe always had something to say didn’t he?  You would think for someone who had so many great quotes he would have come up with a good one about Life so I could use it right now, but he didn’t. I guess he really wasn’t that great of a President then…Oh, well.

I get asked all the time  “Who are you?”“Who are you talking to?”“Why are you in my house?”“Why are you following me?”  And I always give the same response to those questions, I like to say…”Life is one big mystery, and some answers never make themselves known”  Then I usually run away as fast as I can. But sometimes I get caught, so usually I blame everything on mental illness and gluten.

Well, what else can I say about Life?  There are Winners and there are Losers, that’s always a good one to say.  Some days you are the Vacuum and other days you are the cat hair curled up in a ball that the vacuum won’t suck up.  Or how about my favorite saying…Sprinkles are for Winners!  Maybe that doesn’t make any sense to you but it does to me because I’m a Winner!

And in the end, we all have one thing in common, each and every one of our lives will come to an end. Some will be tragically soon, others will be dragged out for many, many years until one day one of your grandkids finally has enough of having to change your soiled diapers and smoothers you with a pillow.

So until that day comes…Live the shit out of your Life!

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