Sure, most of us have been through the ringer a few times when it comes to relationships, but in order to find that truly special “someone” you can’t go into every relationship not giving it your all just because it might not workout, it’s almost guaranteed to fail if you think that way.
Let’s say you got a special fondness for cats, so you meet a stray cat, you pick it up and it begins to shred the shit out of you, you are literally bleeding all over the place. This keeps happening every time you try picking up a stray cat, so after 19 times you just automatically assume the 20th cat will do the same. Even if it’s purring and rubbing itself all over your legs, but this time you think back to those 19 others mean little cats that hurt you and you decide this time you’re going to kick this friendly little cat into the street and when you do so it accidentally gets run over by a street sweeper and squirts blood all over you anyways. (That last part really didn’t have any meaning to my analogy but just seemed kind of ironic so I ran with it.)
So in my opinion most of us don’t find our special “forever mate” on the first shot, so we are then doomed to endure attempt after agonizing attempt at connecting with people who we normally wouldn’t pay that much attention to, but now because your searching for that someone special you have to get in the game and mix it up. But after a while we learn that this dating stuff sucks.
I can’t speak for women but I think guys will start to emotionally shut down after a few bad experiences just to try and reduce the “Suckyness” They build a phony version of themselves to send out on dates on their behalf, learning to fake their way through simple small talk in hopes of getting the panties on the floor next to their bed.
The problem with this flawed approach, is that we wall ourselves off from everyone you meet, it seems to me that the odds are pretty high that you will skip right past the one that is actually compatible with you. You know, the one you’re really searching for.
I will admit, because of past relationship failures I allowed myself to get cold, clearly an emotional disconnection behind my witty banter. It was all just an act, women were allowed on the porch, but if they wanted to see in the living room, they could only look through the windows. (Hot Damn that is a great analogy)
So, if you find yourself in this emotional void, where you’re afraid to trust and also worried about getting hurt. Now there are a few ways to get past this wall your building around yourself, but the result has to be the same. It’s you getting to a point where you can share the worst parts about yourself and not judge the other person when they do the same.
This is kind of why I think meeting on the internet works well for this, well I guess for some people it does. Some find it easier to be open and honest with a faceless person. Others say trying to date someone that their already friends with, cause maybe they have seen you in some of your worst moments yet still stick around.
So I’m sure there are dudes out there who meet women at clubs or neighborhood orgies who, over time, bring down those barriers and actually get honest with the person they are with. The point is that you have to get past the stage where the relationship depends entirely on how you’re hiding your flaws from each other.
And of course this will require a certain amount of trust, which means you need to give it time, slowly take those bricks down and share yourself more and more. Maybe in the end it won’t work out, but you have to get over the fear of trying, it’s the only way to find that “forever mate.”