Things I Found Myself Thinking About As I Sat At My Kids Band Concert

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“I wonder if Hillary will get indicted while I’m at this concert….Please Lord, make that happen!”

“I wonder how everyone would react if I just stood up and started screaming?”

“I think the woman in front of me just farted, dear God she stinks!”

“Oh, shit…I think the hot chick next to me thinks I was the one that farted, why is this happening to me!?”

“That kid playing the tuba isn’t even trying, he is ruining this whole concert”

“I wish that lady with the baby would start breastfeeding right now, what a lucky kid”

“I really should have worn underwear”

“Why do I keep having the urge to stand up and start screaming?”

“Is it okay to put ear buds in at a band concert?”

“I think my kid is the only one that sounds any good, I  wonder if everyone else thinks their kids play better  than mine? Because they would be wrong their kids  suck!”

“Sweet Jesus did that woman just fart again?”

“They should sell food during the concert”

“I wonder are these songs really supposed to sound like this?”

“It must be pretty embarrassing to be the kid who plays the triangle!”

“All these people videotaping this concert, I wonder if they will ever watch it again?”

“I think these chairs were made by ISIS”

“I’m really, really getting sick of that kid with the tuba!”

“If that little kid keeps staring at me, I swear I’m going to go over there and punch his dad in the throat!”

“I think these concerts would be even cooler if the cheerleaders preformed during them”

“Why is there a cop here? Surely these things don’t get out of control”

“Again? What the hell is wrong with that woman, her insides must be rotted!”

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