Ways To Keep Your Lack Of An Active Sex Life Fun And Flirty

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As you sit on your couch alone, not having sex, try whistling “Eye of the Tiger”  it will make you feel carefree and sexy.

 

At night before you fall asleep alone, with no chance of sex happening at all. Try throwing some ice cubes in your bed, so when you wake up in the morning you will find some wet spots under you.

 

When you wake up alone in your bed in the morning, keep a mirror handy and then start talking dirty to that sad, pathetic face in the mirror. Dirty talk in the morning is an exciting and flirty way of starting your day. A day filled with no sex whatsoever.

 

If you are a female, make a game of throwing your un-needed birth control pills into a plastic solo cup. Give yourself a reward for each pill you make in the cup, perhaps a candy bar for each one, no need to watch that figure if no one is there to see it.

 

Every time you find yourself getting aroused and not end up having sex, which is probably every time. Put a dollar in Mason jar. In no time at all you will be able to go out to dinner alone, for free!

 

While you’re sitting around your house alone, not having sex. Make sure you keep a mint or tic tac in your mouth at all times. This way you will keep your breath minty fresh for you to keep breathing in by yourself.

 

If you don’t already own it, go to the book store and buy the Kama Sutra.  But just read the preface, because that’s all you really need, it’s not like you will be able to act out any of the incredible sexual positions alone now is it?

 

When you find yourself fantasizing about feeling the soothing touch of another living being, use a fake name for yourself, that way you can ask yourself who that exciting flirt was…It was just you silly, cause you are all alone.

 

Leave yourself little notes to find when you get home from work, like  “I can’t wait to spend some quality time with you tonight”  that’s right, once you see that note you know what that means….Netflix and Sadness!

 

When you make a home cooked meal always cook for two, that way you can have left-overs the next day, it will give you more time to spend by yourself, not having sex.

 

When you go out to eat, always tell the waitress that you are expecting someone else to show up, after a couple hours of sitting there they will feel sorry for you and probably give you a free appetizer.

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