Ways To Protect Your Privacy On Social Media So Everyone Isn’t All Up In Your Business

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Break Your Fingers

By breaking your fingers before you type anything about your personal life is one way of keeping your personal affairs private. There are several ways you can do this. You can take a hammer and start smashing your fingers. (Very Effective) You can smash your hand in a car door repeatedly until broken. Or you can ask a friend to break them for you, make sure it’s a good friend.


Turn Off Electronic Device

One way of keeping your private life private is to avoid being on social media altogether. If you feel the urge to post something that’s too personal simply turn off the computer or phone, then go to the gym and lift weights. It is a well-known fact that lifting weights cures everything. It can cure mumps, measles, bloating, gout and the desire to over-share.


Tell A Child Instead

Next time you feel like you need to get some attention on social media, instead of posting something you will later regret, just go find a small child and tell them your personal information. Most times the child will handle the information with the same maturity level as most of the people who would respond to your post . But this way you only look like a fool to a small child and not several hundred of your Facebook “friends”  who only follow you because you are a trainwreck.


Start A Fire

If you find yourself in a difficult  “sharing moment”  where you feel like you can’t stop yourself from posting something entirely too personal. Then quickly start a fire, preferably near the device you would have transmitted your personal information on. Fire has always been a good deterrent, for centuries it has stopped people from doing stupid stuff. Just don’t start a fire in the forest otherwise Smokey the Bear will maul you.


Have Sex

Want to share? Well share an orgasm with someone, that’s one personal thing most people won’t mind listening too. And chances are once you are done you will be happier and won’t feel the need to share any of the drama you wanted to share five minutes ago. This even works if you don’t have a partner handy, just take care of business and get on with your day…drama free.


Proof Read First

Okay, so you want to share with the social media world how you were wronged and you really want some attention. Well type out your little tale of injustice on a word document and when you are done walk away for five minutes. Go have a snack or something, then come back and read your little story of heartache and injustice. But read it like someone else wrote it and then think about what you would think of the person who posted it….If you  “Proof Read”  it correctly you will immediately press  “Delete”  and then walk away with the satisfaction that you just dodged a social media bullet.


Just Don’t

This one is fairly simple, just don’t do it! Don’t post all your personal business on social media. Are you tired of people thinking you are just a little hot mess? Then simple, just keep that negative bullshit to yourself, we all have problems, we all face situations that seem unfair, but instead of telling everyone about it just for some attention, keep it to yourself, or go see a therapist…So next time before you do it, just don’t!

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