Excuse Me Folks…While I Have An Extremely Loud Phone Conversation In The Movie Theater As We Wait For The New Star Wars Movie To Start.



It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting here in the packed movie theater anxiously awaiting the start of the new Star Wars movie, I literally have goose-bumps. I’m totally jacked, I just know this movie will be amazing and stay true to the original Star Wars story line, with JJ Abrams directing it, how could it be anything but Awesome!? The only thing that would have made this night any better is if my bro Steve-o could have made it out tonight. So I think I will just give Steve a call right now and let him know what he is missing. Oh and by the way I plan on talking obnoxiously loud so everyone in this crowded theater can hear my conversation.

“Yo Steve-o…What up, ya loser?”

Did everyone hear that? Only bros call each other “losers” I mean I would never call up some guy I didn’t know very well and call him a loser, he would probably get offended, that’s why I only say that to dudes I’m super tight with. But as everyone in this theater can probably tell, my bro Steve-o and I are both pretty laid back because of how we openly address each other with derogatory comments.

“Yo Bro, you are totally missing out on the main event tonight, too bad you are married and she wouldn’t let you come.”

Oh sorry about that, my bro Steve-o and I were just talking about how he is totally missing out on this Star Wars movie night. Did I mention he was married? Yeah, I’m not married, well anymore. Do you realize how much stuff Steve misses out on because his wife won’t let him hang out with me? Shit loads!  Just yesterday she wouldn’t let him come over after work and watch the Star Wars trilogy with me as a lead up to this movie. His wife really is a bitch, I feel bad for him, because he’s my bro.

“Yo bro, this movie is going to blow my mind, I can’t wait to see Hans and Chewie show up in it, I will probably yell out CHEWIE …CHEWIE ….Damn, I wish you were here.”

Hey everyone, can I get a show of hands…Who here is as excited as I am that Hans and Chewie are going to be in this movie? What the hell, guess you people aren’t true Star Wars fans. I was there for the original, I was just a kid, but I knew right then and there I was going to be a fan for life.

“Yo bro did you hear that? These mutha fuckas ain’t down with the Chewie, Bro you need to be here, I need my wingman!”

Hey I’m sorry for saying that everyone, it’s none of my business what your motives are for seeing this movie. Maybe you all just got sucked up in the hype, I can understand that, same thing happened to me when the movie Mad Max came out, I got sucked in on pure hype and left the theater half way through it.

“Alright bro, the movie is about to start, I will call you after it’s over and let you know what I thought…HA! HA! No, bro I won’t ruin it for you, I got you, no worries…Later.”

Ahh…Thank goodness the previews are over with, am I right people? It’s time to get our Star Wars on! Listen before the movie starts I think I should let you guys know the truth, my bro Steve, well he really isn’t that Awesome.  Actually, he is kind of a dickhead. I am so tired of the way he treats me, he only takes the time to hang out when it’s convenient to him.

I really was disappointed yesterday when he didn’t come over and watch the trilogy with me, we had been planning it for the past week and then at the last minute he calls me and says he forgot it’s his wife’s birthday? What kind of bullshit excuse is that? I would just stop hanging out with him, but he is the only person I know in this city. If anyone would be interested in hanging out after the movie let me know, I would totally be down for that. I would be up for doing anything with anyone in this theater. I am really lonely. I don’t even understand why Steve’s wife won’t let him hang out with me. I can’t keep going on like this anymore…I talk to myself all the time.

Can I sit next to someone?….Anyone?

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