So you have a Toddler, I’m sure he is just an adorable little human and your life is just simply amazing. But maybe your Toddler is a shithead, maybe he goes into epic meltdowns every hour on the hour. Is this normal? Is your Toddler normal? Are you normal? Well, there is only one way to find out, take my Toddler quiz and see how your Toddler scores.
The Toddler Quiz
It’s Noon on a Saturday. And your Toddler is…
- Is having a meltdown because he hated what you gave
him for lunch.
2. Is having a meltdown because he thinks you looked at
him the wrong way.
- Is eating his lunch and is smiling at you, he even said
Thank You today.
4. Won’t come out of his room and is currently tearing it
apart just for the fun of it.
5. Ate his lunch and asked you if it is okay if he takes a
nap. He makes your job as a Nanny so easy.
It’s 3pm on a Saturday. And your Toddler is…
- Is still angry at you for what you made for lunch, is
currently still having a meltdown.
2. Is having another meltdown because he thinks you
looked at him the wrong way yet again.
3. Woke up from his nap in a good mood and is currently
4. Fell asleep after tearing his room apart, but now is
awake and screaming at you to clean his room.
5. Woke up from his nap and came over to give you (the
Nanny) a hug, wants to know how you are doing and
when his Mommy will be home.
Your Toddler has been having an epic meltdown for the last two hours, so you…
- Pour yourself another rum and coke, you call your
spouse at work and let them know THEIR child is sucking
the life out of you.
2. You keep trying to deescalate your Toddler by offering
him bribes of chocolate and Benadryl.
3. You laugh to yourself because you know your precious
little angel would never have a Meltdown like this,
certainly this must be a mistake.
4. You cry yourself asleep on the couch, you swear you will
never have another child, tomorrow you find out your
5. A Meltdown for two hours? You are shocked to find this
out, you call your Nanny back and tell her to make sure
to let you know when he is done so you can return home.
It’s Saturday night and you and your spouse are in the mood for some intimate contact. Your Toddler…
- Is kicking his bedroom wall, while making choking sounds
as he has his nightly bedtime meltdown.
2. Is running around the house screaming at the top of his
lungs that he is not tired.
3. Is already asleep, he even gave you a kiss on the cheek
4. Follows you around the house screaming and throwing
things, he refuses to lay down in his bed.
5. Is with the Nanny, so you and your spouse get it on in
the next room.
Because the premiums on your health insurance skyrocketed this month because of Obamacare you are forced to ask your Toddler for the birthday money Nana gave him. Your Toddler…
- Has an epic meltdown, he doesn’t even know why, and
he doesn’t care, it’s what he does.
2. Laughs at you, he then goes into you room and starts
tearing it apart.
3. Hands you his piggy bank and says “I thought we could
keep our Doctor”
4. Has a meltdown, begins banging his head against the
wall, almost like he is trying to give you an extra
medical bill on purpose.
5. Doesn’t know that you aren’t going to pay his Nanny this
month because you are going to call INS and ICE to turn
her in because she is an illegal, this way you can make
the premium payment, then you bring in a new Nanny
the next day. Her name is Bonita.
Your Toddlers first complete sentence was….
- I telling Nana.
3. Thank You Mommy.
4. I hate you.
5. Donde esta la ninera?(Where is the Nanny?)
Your Toddlers favorite toy is…
- A knife.
2. A Barbie doll with a missing head.
3. A book of children’s bible verses.
4. A metal coffee can.
5. The Nannies breasts.
Mostly Ones…It is clear your Toddler is a major shithead. The good news is most Toddlers grow out of this behavior in a few years, you just need to ignore them until they are teenagers.
Mostly Twos…Your Toddler is still pretty much a shithead, but does have some redeeming qualities like…umm…well they eventually fall asleep, Right?
Mostly Threes…Your Toddler is an Angel, I have no idea how you got so lucky, but you are clearly lucky, you should probably have some more kids because you clearly hit the Toddler jackpot!
Mostly Fours…It is clear that your Toddler is evil, he is probably not of this earth and has been sent here to destroy our world, or at least yours….Enjoy!
Mostly Fives…You clearly have a Nanny, Congratulations!