It’s time to cut the bullshit, time for some real talk and real actions. I don’t know about you, but I care about this rock we live on, I want my grand-kids to have a happy and healthy place to live. Who knows maybe you want the same thing, but here is what I do know, unlike you, I’m busting my ass to do something about it.
That’s why two days ago I traded in my gas guzzling piece of shit car for a nice, clean burning eco-car. I did the math and I’m like saving 40 miles to the gallon. And one day when I get around to trading in my other vehicles like my Suburban, Hummer, Range Rover and even my Hot Rods, I’m guessing that I will probably achieve something like quadruple digit gas mileage savings across the board.
I know what you’re probably thinking right now, you think just because you are not filthy rich like me that you shouldn’t even bother trying. And that your pathetic attempts at going “green” won’t make a difference.
Well my commoner friend, you’re just flat wrong. That’s probably nothing new to you, but it’s true, you are wrong! Sure, last month when I downgraded my personal jet, I went with a cheaper Bombardier Global 8000, yeah I know it only seats twenty, but it was worth it. I estimate I’m probably saving 200-300 acres of prime Amazon rain-forest. But think about this, if you and a few of your buddies in the trailer park started a carpool, I bet your little effort there will save maybe 1 or 2 Amazonian trees, now that’s something…Right?
Maybe you should take a look at your lifestyle for a second. Don’t you think there might be a few extra changes you can make or give up a couple things that might help make a difference? I mean it really won’t make much of a difference, compared to what I can accomplish, but hey something is better than nothing.
Here is another example of how I’m sacrificing to save our planet. As soon as boating season is over I plan to significantly reduce my fleet of high-end watercraft. I will just keep a few of them around for entertaining. I think this incredible sacrifice on my part will probably help save the Antarctic from melting or whatever it’s doing. I realize you can’t even fathom doing something this grand, but maybe you could do something like reducing the amount of carbon dioxide you exhale during the day or taking less showers, even less than you obviously already do. Who knows you might save an ice cube or two.
If stop and think about it, just the act of getting to work does harm to our delicate environment. This is why I have come up with the idea of letting Charles, my personal chauffeur go and I will start working more from home. Now I even have a similar gesture you can do, it in no way measures up to my act of environmentalism. But you could stop taking the bus or subway and start walking to your place of employment, wouldn’t you feel a certain amount of pride as you are flipping those burgers that you are making difference? A very, very small difference? But it’s still something…Right?
Listen my commoner friend, I would hate to see you get down on yourself because you lack the wealth or intellect to actually make a difference, just remember you can just do your part, and that’s all anyone could ask of you.
Maybe if nothing else, try to live your meager life by the example I set in my fourth book on celebrity environmentalism that I co-authored last year with Johnny Depp. Try living your life using the Triple D method…Downsize, Do-Over and Decycle (We came up with a new way of Recycling) Anyways you would be shocked at the difference you can make with these little words.
A great example of this Triple D mentality is something I did recently, I completely downsized the size of my home theaters in each of my mansions, I went from an admittedly extravagant 140-inch plasma screens down to a surprisingly serviceable 100-inch plasma screens. Come on, even you can admit that was a huge sacrifice on my part, but I’m willing to do it if it means I am saving our wonderful little planet.
Now by using the “Do-Over” method which is just another way to say Reusing, but most people in my financial bracket don’t like using that term, they think it’s something you folks use, so we came up with our own term the “Do-Over.” So I too have done my part in this area, I have my clothing laundered and I actually wear them more than just once, but I draw the line at three times, then I of course “Decycle” which is again a term we came up with instead of using your people’s term of Recycling. So I Decycle my clothing after I wear it for the third time. By the way, here is a helpful Decycling tip you might not know about, some of your old clothing can be turned into dust rags for your cleaning staff.
Look, we all must chip in and do our part to save this planet, regardless of how big or small the effort. If enough of you people can get together and help out, I think the sum of all your efforts will still probably never even come close to what I have done. But that’s okay, together we will save the planet for our children and grandchildren…Well, probably mine at least. After all I am making the biggest difference, so that’s only fair.