Things I Will Probably Say To Customer’s One Day When My Dream Of Being A Walmart Greeter Is Finally Realized…



Things I Will Probably Say To Customer’s One Day When My Dream Of Being A Walmart Greeter Is Finally Realized…



“Hey there, Welcome to Walmart…We have specials on prophylactics today, over in aisle 4, wrap it or you will be paying for it the next eighteen years “


“Welcome to Walmart…You look like your high, got the munchies?  We have chips and soda of sale today, aisle 14”


“Welcome to Walmart…No worries today lady, no whaling boats in this store today, so enjoy your visit”


“Welcome to Walmart…I should have invested my money better when I was younger so I wouldn’t have to be doing this shitty job at my age, but you can’t go wrong investing in some fresh fruits and vegetables over in our produce aisle”


“Welcome to Walmart…Have you ever wanted to chop someone up? Well we have Ax’s on sale, aisle 11”


“Welcome to Walmart…I really want to quit this job, but they would just replace me with someone else and pay them less, but guess what… you will pay less shopping at Walmart”


“Welcome to Walmart…That’s the fourth leopard print spandex tights I’ve seen today, must have gotten your welfare check today and got yourself all dressed up, didn’t you!…Don’t walk away from me…Enjoy your shopping experience”


“Welcome to Walmart…. Our prices can’t be beat, I can’t say the same for your face, looks like someone beat you with an ugly stick!”


“Welcome to Walmart…Hey lady, we have tarps on sale over on aisle 20, just in case you needed a new dress.”


“Welcome to Walmart…I better not see your kids running wild in my store again, otherwise I’m going to put a whoopin on them…I think I forgot my meds today.”


“Welcome to Walmart….Hey, acknowledge me you son of bitch, you see this happy face button on my vest? It means I can throat punch a son of bitch, next time you better acknowledge me when I greet you.”


“Welcome to Walmart….Hey, do you think this is what Sam Walton envisioned when he opened his first store? I shit my depends earlier and my manager won’t let me take a break to go change it.”


 “Welcome to Walmart….I just choked my Manager, the damn kid cut my hours again, I’m just waiting for the cops to come, anyways we got a sale going on in lawn and garden, water hoses for $5.99 today only”


*I just found out they did away with the Greeter’s at Walmart? Now what the hell am I going to do when I get old?

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