Seems like everyone has some special “cleanse” that they do to try and rid their body of toxins and whatever else they ingested over the years. Some try the juice cleanse, others go for a raw food cleanse and some brave souls do the enema cleanse, but all of these cleanses have one thing in common, their effectiveness is questionable at best. That’s why I spent last weekend scouring the internet for the latest and greatest nutritional information. And I think I came up with a winning program to rid the body of unwanted toxins and rejuvenate your system so that it is ready to get back on track to healthy eating.
I call this miracle program the “Five Day Gas Station Burrito Cleanse.” I’m almost positive that my miracle burrito cleanse program will flush years of built up toxins out of your system. I think my system is fairly simple and there really is no excuses as to why someone couldn’t try it. If you live in a town that has a gas station then that is like 50% percent of it, the other 50% is will power. Here is how it works, all you need to do is go to a gas station and consume between 10 and 15 burritos each day, for five days. I have specifically researched the effects of gas station burritos and how they react once they enter your system. Trust me, you will be feeling like a million bucks after the five days is up, you might even have healthier skin, a better sex drive and a heightened sense of being.
Now I’m not a nutritionist or anything but I think what makes my miracle burrito cleanse program so wonderful is how easy it is to follow. All you need to do is run to the gas station and grab some burritos, remember the optimum amount to have in your system each day is somewhere between 10 and 15. I think if you go over that amount you might face an increased chance of heart failure, so be smart and don’t go over 15 in a day. I will say variety is key in keeping yourself on the program, don’t be afraid to mix it up, have a bean and bean burrito for breakfast, a red-hot beef or two for lunch, green-chili and bean for after lunch, and so on. Just make sure you get to magic burrito zone which is between 10 and 15 a day.
I imagine by the third day of my program some individuals may start to feel nauseated, a slight fever, explosive diarrhea and severe cramping style gas. Don’t freak out, this is natural, your body is being forced to adjust to the higher levels of sodium, beans and hot sauce which all aid in the detoxing nature of this program. Don’t forget your body has years of toxins in it from all the abuse you have put it through, so you just have to let the natural detoxing abilities of the burritos take hold and clean your disgusting body out.
I also want to recommend that you assist in the program’s effectiveness by eating several burritos right before you go to bed, this will be critically important on the third and fourth days. You might find yourself sleeping more than usual as well, just another side-effect of the burritos cleaning out your toxic body.
I spent all weekend researching this system, so its effectiveness is irrefutable.
As with any miracle cleanse program’s that requires radical dietary changes there is always a certain level of caution that must be taken. Perhaps you might ask the question “Is the Five Day Gas Station Burrito Cleanse 100% safe for everyone?” Well, If you did ask that question then the answer is “Yes” of course it is, anyone regardless of their health concerns can try my program.
Some people might ask another question, like this one “Is this cleanse approved by the FDA?” and the answer is I don’t know what the FDA is? Look, enough of these stupid questions, let me just tell you what you need to know. Your body will probably feel like a bolt of lightning hit it at first, it will be in shock, you might even urinate yourself, it’s possible you will develop facial tics, sweaty palms, swollen glands, heart troubles, poor eye sight, irritable bowel syndrome, hair loss, cancer, rapid tooth decay, excessive ear wax, hernias, fainting spells, and maybe even death. But trust me, all that stuff clears up after the burrito cleanse is complete so you will be fine.
Look, just remember why you are doing this program, it’s because you have treated your body like shit for far too long and now it’s time to come to Jesus, so to speak. But once the burrito cleanse is complete you will have a renewed sense of purpose, your body and mind will be in sync. So just never forget a healthier, happier life is only 80 to 90 burritos away.