To The Environmentally Conscious Inhabitants Of Helena,
If you are receiving this notice it is because the city has made certain changes to the recycling policy, it describes what we now officially WILL or WILL NOT accept as a recyclable item(s). Please note that this new policy change will go into effect the moment you finish reading this notice.
First of all, the City of Helena Recycling Center (HRC) will no longer accept cardboard boxes, in particular cat food boxes which have not been cut down into individual pieces of a size no larger than 4” by 4” or ground into the approved pulp recyclable form. We understand that this may not be convenient for you but sadly the recycling plant has developed a feral cat problem, they seem to smell the recycled cat food containers from miles away and they sneak into the facility and make homes out of the boxes. It really is vital that you do not get cat food residue on any of the material you wish to recycle. I do not want to single any homeowners out but I feel I must, the individual who lives at 2700 Prospect Ave. is likely the main culprit to our current feral cat infestation.
Secondly, the feral cats have been interfering with our recycling operations, therefore we will be forced to reduce our recyclable pick-ups days to a semi-weekly schedule until the recycling plant has been deemed cat free by the city health department and animal control. Unfortunately, the local Cat Rescue And Protection agency or (CRAP) has lobbied the city council and made it impossible for us to try and remove the feral cats from the recycling center. So right now we are forced to spend monies we don’t have to buy humane cat traps, which capture the animal in a safe and humane way so they may be re-located to a safer area. For any citizens who are interested in donating any unused humane cat traps just place them on top of your recyclables pile and we will collect them during our next semi-weekly pick-up.
Thirdly, supermarket style plastic bags which previously had been banned (due to the fact they foul are sorting machine) have been temporarily approved for recycling. We are hoping the feral cats will start playing in the bags and we can capture them without the use of humane traps. We understand this scenario is probably unlikely to have the desired effect but we still want the bags anyways, mainly because Pete in our Public Relations office has run out of doggie-poop bags for his three incredibly large Saint Bernard’s. The policy on supermarket style bags is only temporary until the feral cat’s have all been captured or until Pete has enough poop bags to last him a few months.
Fourthly, if you bring glass bottle’s and aluminum cans to the (HRC) for a cash redemption we will no longer be giving out cash. We just got the results from the six-month survey we used tax dollars to fund that showed many of you so-called “recyclists” come down and trade your bottles and cans for cash then immediately go out and buy alcohol or drugs with the funds. So to combat this unfortunate drug and alcohol abuse we have decided that any money you would have earned by recycling the bottles and cans will be used to found our Christmas and New Year’s Parties here at the (HRC). We feel the community would not mind trying to bring some cheer to the hard working employees of the (HRC) and their families. We thank you for your support.
And lastly, this is for the individuals who filled out applications for the seasonal internships that we offer at the recycling facility, we sadly must inform you that Pete, in the Public Relations office accidentally left his dogs in the room where the applications were at and dogs ate them all. Please apply again for next year when hopefully Pete will be banned from bring his dogs to the facility, but since his Mother is the manager here and Pete is a momma’s boy, it still hasn’t been determined whether or not this will happen. But feel free to apply anyways.
Thank you for your understanding and patience with our revised policies while we try to deal with Pete and the feral cat infestation.
The Team At The (HRC)