A father and son went to the gym together, the son who was fairly young and not so sure of himself with being in a gym, he watched as his father, a huge, muscular man who was covered in tattoo’s and scars… both of which he considered to be a sign of a life well lived. The son was simply in awe of the physical presence his father made while lifting the heavy iron, hoping one day he too could achieve such feats…
“Hey Dad?” the boy said. “What is it like to kiss a girl?”
The father paused briefly during his set, then put down the weights. He stared out the large window of the gym... “Well,” he said…”I guess there comes a time in every young man’s life when he starts to see girls in a different light, no longer are they just merely looked at as friends but they are seen as something more, something special….I imagine that time has come for you, too”
“I think so too” the boy said as he looked down, somewhat embarrassed.
“I can still remember the first girl I ever kissed,” said the father, “she was this cute young thing named Faith. And let me tell you son, that girl made a fool out of me. Every time I saw her I got weak in the knees and those butterflies in my stomach. But that day I had finally found the courage to kiss her was on Valentine’s Day, it was a soft, sweet and ever so brief little kiss. And from that moment on I never felt nervous around her again.”
“That sounds great” the boy said. “I hope one day I too get to kiss a girl”
The father laughed. “In due time son” he said, “I imagine you will kiss plenty of girls before you find the perfect one you want to spend the rest of your life with” Then the father picked the dumbbells back up and finished his set.
“Hey Dad?” the boy said, “What’s it like to cheat on your wife?”
The father turned around and stared at his son, then he put the weights down again. “Well son, that’s a pretty serious question to ask” he said. “Now as I see it every man should consider it his duty to remain loyal to his wife and kids. But once in a while a man gets that urge, the urge to move on. But you see that urge can get a man in trouble, do you understand?”
The boy nodded his head yes, even though he didn’t quite get the meaning of the “urge”
“Now son, let me try to explain this to you better so you understand. The first time I cheated on your mother was with this hot little thing named Nicole. She had the face of an angel, brown hair that went down to her shoulders, let’s just say the girl had butt that only squats can give you, and the chest only a plastic surgeon can create.” The father let out a laugh, “She truly was a great piece of machinery!”
The son laughed along with his father, but then he saw his father’s face suddenly become serious. “But let me be clear son, when you give in to the urge…it’s not anything you want to be involved with, no man should want to give in to the urge if they are married. But being with Nicole felt good for a while, I will give you that. But I do love your mother and she loves me back, so that’s the way it should be, do you understand me?”
“Yes, I do understand Dad” the boy said.
“Well, good then, I’m glad you get it” the father said as he picked up some more weights…”Because I never want to hear about you cheating on any girl you are with, I am not raising a cheater.”
“Hey Dad, what about punching Mr. Williams our neighbor?” the boy asked. “What was that like?”
The father laughs, he puts the weights on the rack and said “Well, you see the funny thing about cheating, it causes you to get jealous, and there isn’t much that can stop a jealous man from making mistakes. Now, I’m the first one to admit I was totally wrong about your mother and Mr. Williams, I know that now. But man I sure did put a beating on that guy.”
“Hey Dad?” the boy said. “What is it like to try and stuff a teddy bear full of gunpowder and mail it to President?”
The father started laughing again. “Well, hell son you are just full of questions today aren’t you?” the father said with a smile.
The boy smiled and shook his head yes…
“Okay,” he the father said, “I will tell you something important about this amazing country we live in. I was raised to respect my country and cherish it. The same way I have been teaching you. But living in this amazing place comes with a high price my son. Our country was founded by brave men willing to sacrifice everything for Freedom and I believe that it is still every man’s duty to keep defending that Freedom. And once in a while, that even means you have to go against your own government when you feel they are going against the ideals and principles we were founded upon.”
“So sometimes” the father said. “the best way to let the government know they are making mistakes is to go out in the shed, cut open your little sister teddy bear and fill it full of gunpowder, sew it back up and mail it to the President.”
The boy thought to himself that he had so much to learn about life, and he couldn’t help but wonder if one day he would know as much as his father does….
The father let out a chuckle and said “Hell, I can still remember that Thanksgiving morning when the FBI came knocking on the door” The father stared at the window again, gazing off into the distance, he muttered “Yeah, I will never forget that day” then he shook his head as if dislodging the memory stuck inside and picked up some weights to start another set.
“Hey Dad?” the boy asked. “What is it like to do four scoops of that pre-workout stuff, strip yourself naked and run down the street trying to catch an imaginary dumbbell in your bare hands only to end up in the Walmart parking lot surrounded by police officers, still naked, while trying to eat out of the garbage can, while screaming …I need protein bitches!?”
The father let out a booming laugh. “Maybe I will tell you about that one when you get a little older my son” the father said. “But I will tell you this, never do more than 2 scoops son, never!”
“Yes, Sir” said the son.
The father then put his hand in the boys hair and messed it up, with a huge grin on his face “Ya know” the father said, “I think that’s enough questions for today. Why don’t we head home and get some protein” he said with a smile.
The boy nodded and the father and son left the gym, heading home …
When they got back to the house the boy saw his mother sitting on the couch reading a book so he went and sat next to her.
“Hey Mom” the boy said “What is it like to put on high heels, and those fish net stockings, along with that little black dress and then go down to the bad part of town and try to get men to pay you to have sex with them?”
The mother just laughed and with a smile she said “Go ask your father!”