Last Chance Gulch
I saw you at the Starbucks on Last Chance Gulch, you were standing out front, listening to Taylor Swift on your Ipod, you were doing a little dance all by yourself and singing along to the music. You were wearing a dress but I couldn’t tell what kind or anything because you had a brown apron on over it, with some type of lettering, I’m positive it started with an “S”. You also had a cup of Starbucks coffee on the ledge next to you.
I don’t know… did you notice me? I was wearing a tank top that had ‘You can’t ban these guns” on the front of it. I was walking back and forth in front of you, flexing my guns, trying to get your attention. At one point when I “accidentally” bumped into you that’s when you stared directly at me and said “What the fuck?”
I tried to say “Hello” but I couldn’t muster the words, but in my head I asked you out and you agreed, we had a wonderful evening, dinner, dancing and a little romancing, then we finished the date with coffee at Starbucks in the morning.
But before I could make any of that happen you told me to stop looking at you and you called me an f’ing creeper, that’s when you went back into Starbucks.
Maybe you would like to hang out with me some time?…. I think you would enjoy it, please reply to this ad.
Starbucks Parking Lot
I saw you in the Starbucks parking lot on Last Chance Gulch, I found out you work there, I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, I watched you as you worked behind the counter, always smiling, working your magic with the espresso machine, I watched customers come and go, they all seemed to have a smile and a coffee after interacting with you, I just couldn’t bring myself to go in and get myself one, so I just waited and watched in the parking lot.
You came out eventually, your shift was over, you had your Ipod out and listening to your music again, I got out of my car and followed you as you walked around the corner. At one point you turned around quickly and made eye contact with me, I was wearing a tank top that had “You can’t ban these guns” on the front. You yelled out “Why the fuck are you following me?” then you grabbed a rock and threw it at me, I picked up the rock and kept it as I ran back to my car.
I never got a chance to ask you out, I guess I am shy, but if you would like to get coffee or come watch a movie at my place just respond to this ad, please!
I saw you get out of your car and walk into Target, you took off your headphones and put your Ipod in your purse, later I watched as you browsed around in the ladies clothing area, that striped dress you held up to you would look fantastic. I would have bought it for you. Later, I saw you checking out some of the jewelry they have, but in my opinion you deserve better, I would buy you anything you want.
I bummed shopping carts with you over in the make-up aisle, I was wearing a tank top that had “You can’t ban these guns” on the front, maybe you remember me? I think you recognized me from earlier at Starbucks, you screamed at me to get away from you, then you said you were calling the cops on me, I took off running, do you remember any of this?
Anyways I would love to take you shopping, maybe get some coffee, then go to my place and watch a movie? Please respond to this ad!
Memorial Park Memories
I saw you at Memorial Park, you were with some guy, looks like he might have been a boyfriend or a cousin, but you were kissing each other that I know for sure, you had on some gym clothes, the same gym clothes I watched you leave your gym wearing. You and your friend walked around the park for a while, holding hands, I felt like he might have been molesting you at one point, I hope he didn’t, you both ended up rolling around in the grass, couldn’t see much after that because a car pulled up and blocked my vision.
I was wearing my trademark tank top that has “You can’t ban these guns” on the front of it, I know you saw me as I approached you near your car because you started screaming for “Mike” who it turns out is your boyfriend, I was just coming over to say “Hi” but when I saw “Mike” running over towards me with a baseball bat in his hand I put my Reebok’s to good use and ran off….Do you remember me?
I was hoping to ask you out for coffee, maybe a movie night at my place as well, if you are interested please respond to this ad.
Blue Light Special
I saw you eating at Chili’s, you had a wonderful outfit on, a low cut top and sexy skin tight pants, you were with your boyfriend, pretty sure you were eating a salad, could have been a Chef Salad, and “Mike” your boyfriend, was eating a cheeseburger and fries. I saw you laughing a lot, looked to me like you and “Mike” were having a great time. I wish it could have been me with you instead of “Mike”.
I approached you two as you were eating, I had a tank top with the saying “You can’t ban these guns” on the front and before you could react I handed you a box and took off before “Mike” could get out of the chair. I did hear you say “I can’t believe this shit” perhaps you were taken back by my sweet gesture, I hope you enjoyed the fifty-two page love letter I wrote you, I’m sure you were impressed with the detail I put into it. And to clarify something when I said I wanted to have several babies with you I didn’t put a number on it for a reason, we could have ten or more and that would be fine with me. I also hope the sexy lingerie I got you fits correctly if not I saved the receipt and we can take them back together if you like.
If you would like to get together and act out some of the fantasies I wrote down in the letter then please respond to this ad, I’m getting desperate, not sure what more I can do to let you know I’m interested in you…please respond.
Shocked In Helena
Well I see that you filed a restraining order against me because of the Chili’s incident, now I’m not even allowed to be within one mile of you…A mile? Really how can you and I ever get to know each other properly if I can’t get within a mile of you? Somehow I think there has been a huge misunderstanding. I believe this is all “Mike’s” fault, he is trying to keep us apart. I plan on having a conversation with him today.
Please reply to this ad, I would be so happy to hear from you, maybe if I hear from you I won’t have to go pay “Mike” a visit, it’s totally up to you my love….So please respond!