The Pressures Of The “Leave-A-Penny Take-A-Penny” Philosophy At Your Local Gas Station.

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It’s always there on the counter, a little tray with pennies in it. The idea is if you need one take one, also if you get some pennies back in change and you really don’t want them then you can leave them in the little tray for someone who needs one. This is a simple and somewhat noble idea of helping your fellow man….But what happens when the pressures of this little penny tray become too much?

 

 

Hey, buddy do you need a penny?

Go ahead, take one, that’s what they are there for, so just take it. Have you seen your total? It ends in a three and a one. Come on man, use your head, take a damn penny. We don’t have time for this bullshit! Take one….TAKE IT!!! Goddamn it!! I will do it for you, there…Now get the hell out of my store!

 

I will just leave this penny here for someone else…

I’m trying to be a good citizen, do my part for the larger community. I’ve always wanted to find a way to contribute, now I have. By leaving this penny, it’s like I’m taking my neighbor by the hand, gently whispering to them  “I got your back.” Come my friends, let’s all join hands and form a chain around this gas station. We shall sing songs, and talk about our community, come brother, join us.

 

I do what I want, I shall leave a Nickel…Fuck the system!

You sir, are an asshole. You know what you’re doing and you just don’t care do you? What are you? Did a union bring you in to cause trouble? Or maybe you just don’t understand the principle behind  “take a penny, leave a penny”  Now guess what happens, someone will reach in that little tray for a penny and what will they find? Nothing but despair and moral shame…Curse you, and all that you stand for!

 

Well look, your total is exactly $3.05…

I guess that asshole who put that Nickel in there wasn’t so bad after all, wish more people were like him.

 

 Dear God, there are no pennies left…

The community as a whole has failed you, perhaps it is a sign of the times, money is tight in this economy and not even a penny can be spared. You stare at the empty penny tray and look up at the ceiling and cry out  “Fuck You Obama!!”  you look to the cashier for help, but he doesn’t speak English, he can be of no help in your time of need.

 

You pay with a Mastercard…

I’m sure you would leave a penny if you had one, but you’re paying for your smokes and a soda with a credit card, you are spiraling down into financial hell.

 

You try to pay with Company Credit Card…

Not only would you not leave a penny, you would probably steal them all. You know you’re on the fast track to a cell block buddy, I hope you don’t end up someone’s bitch.

 

You are wearing a ski mask and you have a pistol pointed at the cashier…

Well, I will take a wild guess and say you are probably a junkie, maybe you once believed in the whole  “Take a penny, Leave a penny” thing but now the only thing you give a shit about is your next high. So you take everything now, bills, coins, snacks, beer, customer’s wallets, those little Ice Cube chocolates that are on the counter. You need help, but don’t worry your community has a place for you, it’s called prison.

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