Sept.10th – Begin month of personal growth, decide to grow a Goatee, bought house plant with goal of keeping it alive.
Sept. 11th – First day of not shaving…itchy, had fun standing in a strong breeze, wind seemed to flow aerodynamically over my head and ears…felt resistance on unshaven face, questioned purpose of Goatee.
Sept. 12th – Still unshaven, feeling like a homeless person must feel, except I have a home and money.
Sept. 13th – I accidentally dropped a milk container on kitchen floor…total loss. Amazed at the sheer amount of milk to clean up and how stressed my cat seemed by the event, she seemed overwhelmed by the opportunity so decide to leave area instead, determined using paper towel to clean it up was pointless. Wondered if this would have happened if I had been clean shaven?
Sept.14th – Woke up hating Goatee, face looks fat because of it, also determined my head is lopsided, becoming depressed over Goatee…Must see it through.
Sept.15th – Decided to buy new shoes, something a Goatee owner would be seen in, so bought new dress shoes…leather, they were on sale, once home began stressing about the quality of the non-stitched sole…will it fail me?
Sept. 16th – Decided not to shower today after receiving new water bill…WTF! Began questioning societies hygiene standards, feel they are too strict.
Sept. 17th – Had a glorious shower, stayed in longer than normal because my body was feeling extra filthy, feeling clean again feels so good, while showering I can’t help but think that humans have completely lost touch with the joys of showering for 30 minutes or more, we live in a fast paced world, I wonder how people must have smelled in the Dark Ages, today was the first time trimming up Goatee, impressed with it today, feel like Hulk Hogan….the early years.
Sept.18th – Go to the Real Food store, want to expand my normal diet so spend small fortune on high-end cheese, fancy olives and pate’…when I got home found out pate’ isn’t what I thought it was…gross.
Sept. 19th – Woke up this day stressed, had dream that my Goatee was kidnapped by terrorists, ran to bathroom mirror, and stunned to see Goatee still in place, my dreams are so vivid, is it because I have a Goatee?
Sept. 20th – Nearly fell off treadmill at the gym, but felt an insane burst of adrenaline, you know the kind that makes you feel frightened but exhilarated, want this feeling all the time, but can’t seem to reproduce as of yet.
Sept. 21st – Today while walking into the Doctors office, I finally come to terms that my new leather shoes are too small, tight even when I wear thin socks. While waiting for my appointment, I inspect my shoes and find a small hairline crack running across the right sole, I begin to verbally chastise myself for buying them, and people watch me as I do this.
Sept. 22nd – Feeling empowered today, at lunch with a female friend, instead of me paying like I always do I ask her to pay this time, I feel like a damn champion for once, end up paying anyways because my friend didn’t bring her purse, she just assumed, afterword’s went home and punched my heavy bag, took solace in my Goatee, looks impressive today.
Sept. 23rd – Had an awakening experience, realization that world is a garden of diversity, with lush areas as well as dry, arid deserts, recognize that some people will always have more fruit than others, but no person should go without, or maybe just I shouldn’t go without? Was this about me or world in general? I feel more at one with universe because of my Goatee.
Sept. 24th – I throw away un-eaten expense cheese and the untouched pate’…lesson learned, perhaps.
Sept. 25th – I yell out the words “Jesus Christ” when I found only two mismatched socks in my drawer. I am angry but also intrigued, there is an obvious loss of socks going on in my dresser, can’t help but think that perhaps my dresser is a portal to a different dimension.
Sept. 26th – Did not have a good workout at the gym today, was thrown off by a comment made regarding my Goatee, lady told me I look like her brother, she also ask me if I wanted to go out tonight, couldn’t get image of her having relations with her brother, I declined invite.
Sept. 27th – I wake up this day with a sore throat but feel much better after lunch.
Sept. 28th – I decide to act more like a liberal type today instead of my normal conservatism, I watch as a man races past my house, he was driving far too fast in my neighborhood. I walk out to my garden and ponder that the planet’s metaphorical trees are too tall, their nourishing fruits are out of reach for the common man, and that only greedy sons of bitches have pilfered their way up the tree, sitting smugly in the fruity tops, engorging themselves on ripe mango’s and bananas, while they throw the peels down at the confused underclass.
Sept. 29th – I treat myself to steak and lobster for dinner today, I watch a news report regarding Hillary’s emails and yell out “Fuck you Hillary”…I am a conservative again, and it feels good, my Goatee is glistening with the juices from my lobster, I’m on top of the world.
Sept. 30th – I come to terms with the fact that my sole of the new leather shoe is badly fractured, rendering them unwearable, I place the shoes into their old shoe box, as I do I reflect on the all the solitary shoes I have seen throughout my life, left abandoned on roadsides, alley ways and river beds, I can’t help but wonder about the original wearers and what happened to the other shoe, I feel like a daydreamer, or perhaps this is what people do who have evolved spiritually and metaphysically , or if it’s just the fact I have Goatee now and it causes me to think more often?…I give my leather shoes a viking funeral in the backyard, farewell.
Oct. 1st – I have some found memories brew up about a high school sweetheart I once had, this came about after I saw an ad on tv for Subaru’s. I resolve to seek out this old sweetheart on Facebook.
Oct. 2nd – Old sweetheart is married now, so I instead resolve to find the high school girl I took to the Sadie Hawkins dance in 9th grade…But I forget to do it.
Oct. 3rd – I had a great workout today, my Goatee is really coming into its own, I honestly believe it is giving me increased strength in the gym, is this possible?
Oct. 4th – I just remembered the house plant I bought on the first day, I haven’t watered it at all, it’s brown and dead, I can’t help but think what this means, or does it mean anything at all? I should have gotten a cactus.
Oct. 5th – I receive a call from my Doctor, not good news, ponder my options and the only thing I can come up with is I will grow out my Goatee as long as possible, this I have control over.
Oct. 6th – My cat throws up on my bed, I was unaware, I lay in it, I am not on speaking terms with my cat right now.
Oct. 7th – Determine to make amends with old enemies, I reach out but am rebuked, bitch!
Oct. 8th – Was a good day at the gym, almost fell again on the treadmill, felt that scared yet exhilarated adrenaline rush, try to replicate several times but to no avail.
Oct. 9th – Almost suffered a major Goatee setback, accidentally shaved too much off one side, but hairs are long enough to cover missing area, am resolved to force facial hair to grow faster, haven’t noticed anything as of yet.
Oct. 10th – End of thirty day personal growth and Goatee challenge, reflect on past thirty days, I feel wiser yet, not much has changed. Still am missing socks, still eat same foods, still wear same shoes, health has declined, but one hairy bright spot is the Goatee, I view the challenge as a success.