I’m Not Special Or Anything…But I Could Kill A Caterpillar If It Was Required Of Me!

fefef

 

I would say according to most standards I’m just an ordinary man. I really don’t think I’m musically talented in anyway, I can’t breakdown a car engine and put it back together, I haven’t cured any diseases, nor have I starred in any movies, so I’m pretty much an average joe. But even though I may be average in most people’s eyes, there are a few things I can do, and do very well. For example, If I needed to I could kill Caterpillar. It wouldn’t be hard for me at all.

I really have no doubts about it, I could kill one fairly easy. I would just put on a pair of gloves, grab it, and throw it against my neighbor’s wall real hard. Or I could take a machete and sneak up on it and hack it up like Jason Voorhees does in those Friday The 13th movies. Maybe if I was having a bad day I would just grab one and squeeze it firmly in my hands as if it was a nearly empty tube of toothpaste. Hell, I bet I could come up with half a dozen ways to kill a Caterpillar if I really put my mind to it.

Please understand I’m not just blowing hot air up your asses either. Perhaps you think I’m just saying this stuff to make myself sound more impressive than I really am, well listen up buddy that couldn’t be further from the truth if you tried. I might not be the best looking or most talented guy in the world, but I know my abilities, I know where I truly excel….and I swear to you upon everything that is holy I could kill a Caterpillar with no problems whatsoever. Maybe you are wondering how does he know this for sure? Well, if you look closely at Caterpillar’s they really aren’t that big, and certainly not very fast.

I don’t think I have to be Conan The Barbarian to send one of these little creatures to Bug Heaven. But let me be honest here, I have no desire to kill a Caterpillar. Heck, most of them are pretty cute in their own weird way, but the point is I could do it if I was called upon to do so. I guess when it comes right down to it, anyone reading this could probably kill one just as well as me. You just need the desire and a solid plan of action.

Now, could I kill a Butterfly? I’m not really sure on that one, even though Butterflies were once Caterpillars. I think when they develop the ability to fly we are talking about a whole different ball game. I saw a Butterfly in my yard the other day and I tried chasing it, but it flew circles around me, then it just hovered above me, staring at me, mocking me, until I ran inside my house. But Caterpillars, they are nothing, they are slow and weak, the only thing they have going for them is cuteness, but if you close your heart off and think of them like you would if they beat up your kid or something, then you can really do some damage to them.

Hey…I just thought of another way I could kill a Caterpillar, I could beat it with a shovel…Brilliant!

Alright, so let me make this clear one last time, I have no desire or intention on killing a Caterpillar. I’m just trying to point out that if it was necessary I could handle it. And  anyone who says that I couldn’t kill one doesn’t know what they are talking about, they just need to shut their filthy mouths and get a stinking life. I am willing to make a pledge with anyone who wants to make one with me, and that pledge will be that I will give them my word that if they need me to kill one for them I will do it, and you can take that to the bank!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s