I’m still not sure what happened, but a crazy ass fight broke out at my next door neighbor’s house last night. Well, to be honest I guess I know how the fight started. The first fight started when a woman who got kicked out of the Pure Romance party my neighbor was having came back and started hitting one of the women there, she promptly got her ass beat by a large woman who was swinging a big rubber dildo around like it was a baseball bat, a few other women dragged the trouble maker out to the front yard and told her to leave, that’s when she jumped up and took a swing at the large lady with the rubber dildo, She was again knocked cold by that massive dildo…But this is where the second fight started.
A fairly large group of maybe 10-12 college aged girls emerged from two cars that rolled up and they began attacking anyone they could find, it was a total melee. More women emerged from my neighbor’s house packing large dildos and one was even swinging what appeared to be a portable stripper pole. I went out on my front porch so I could get a better view of the action and maybe take a little video for Youtube.
I witnessed to my horror five of the college girls attacking my neighbor who was inexplicably dressed in a red leather dominatrix suit, she had gotten separated from her friends and ended up in my yard. I almost intervened until one of the college co-eds top was ripped off, I felt I should do the right thing and allow the fight to progress. When some of the other women realized what was happening they ran over to help my neighbor, one of them screamed at me to call the cops but I didn’t want my neighbor to get into any trouble, after all she is the Principal of my kid’s school. Then out of nowhere ten more women showed up, I think there must have been another Pure Romance party going on in my neighborhood and they got a call for backup.
Now this is when things started to get out of hand, the girl who had her top ripped off left, so now I was able to focus on what was happening in my neighbor’s yard. That large woman from earlier was in full BeastMode, she was taking out college girls with swings of her huge dildo, I counted at least six girls lying motionless on the ground. I knew the fight would be over soon if I didn’t re-act so I sneaked around the corner of the house and ran up behind the large woman grabbing the dildo and I kept running through the mayhem until I reached the street, I threw the Dildo of Destruction into the field, as I turned around to go back to my house I could see the large woman chasing after me, but before she could reach me a very athletic co-ed scissor kicked the big lady knocking her to the ground, I was able to make it safely back to my porch.
Then much to my surprise the topless co-ed from earlier showed back up, she was carrying an orange traffic cone which I have no idea how she got that, but believe me it was a sight to see, she began doing a helicopter move, striking friend and foe alike, she was clearly in a blind rage, she easily took out ten women of varying shapes and sizes before she was brought down by a gag-ball that was thrown by one of the Pure Romance women, it made contact with the side of her head, she laid motionless in my yard, out of concern for her safety I went and picked her up and put her on my porch, I just sat there with my new topless friend keeping her safe.
After a while the cops finally showed up, it was pretty funny to watch all those crazy women scatter, some still carrying dildo’s in their hands. All in all, I would have to say it was a fairly interesting evening in my normally sleepy little neighborhood. I don’t think anyone was arrested, most of the women got away before the cops could really figure out what happened. When I went out to get my newspaper this morning I could still see the carnage from last night, dildos and feathers all over my neighbor’s yard.
Oh, and my new topless friend finally came too after the cops left. I had covered her with a blanket, she thanked me and I gave her my shirt….I will be seeing her again for coffee this morning.