Cat Chronicles: Ms.Kitty, She Is Getting Out Of Hand…Please Someone Help Me!



Strange things happen anytime I question my cat Ms.Kitty regarding her disruptive behavior, she starts farting. I called my vet to ask about it and she said it was probably just Ms.Kitty’s body re-acting to stress. At first I believed that, sounded like it could be real. But as time went on and the farting got worse and more rank, I now believe Ms.Kitty does it simply because she is a bitch! A good example of this happened yesterday when I confronted her on stealing my gym bag, here is how the conversation went….

Me….Hey, Ms.Kitty why did you take my gym bag and fart on it, then go lay down like nothing happened?

Ms.Kitty….Phfft! (Fart sound in case you didn’t pick up on that, you can also find out how bad it smelled if you rub your finger on this spot———-> {X} …pretty bad huh?)

I should probably get more upset by this blatantly awful behavior of hers but for the longest time Ms.Kitty had some real issues when it came to her self-confidence, she has always been a little on the heavy side so I think that and a difficult kittenhood really took a toll on her. But for the last three years she has been seeing a pet therapist and I think it has really helped her find that self-confidence she was always missing. But lately it seems she is overly-confident. Before she would just wait for me to wake up then ask to be fed, now she scratches my face at three in the morning to get me to feed her. Also anytime I sit on the couch to watch TV she will come over and forcibly shove her ass in my face, she never use to do that before, the vet told me it is a dominance thing and that I’m clearly her bitch now.

Ms.Kitty also has some major anger issues anytime I leave the house, if I’m gone longer than five minutes she starts trashing the place, just the other day she managed to knock all the plates and bowls out of the kitchen cabinet, I still have no idea how she pulled that one off. I asked the vet to put her on some medication to calm her down, sort of like kitty Prozac, but before I could give it to her she somehow slip me one cleverly hidden in my dinner, it knocked me out and when I woke up I was laying in the kitty litter box, covered in kitty litter like a piece of shit. The vet laughed when I told her about this, so did Ms.Kitty’s therapist.

But the therapist did suggest I put her in a crate next time I go out, it was supposed to calm her down and make her feel safe. So I went out and got her a really nice crate, some new cat toys and even a little catnip thinking if she was high she would be mellow. So I put her in the crate and went to the gym, when I returned two hours later I found she chewed a whole through the crate, then dragged the crate, the new cat toy’s and the bag of catnip outside and left them in a broken pile by the front door, she then ransacked the house and even scratched her name into my new flat screen TV, needless to say I was quite disappointed with her!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with her therapist, it’s time I get a handle on Ms.Kitty’s behavior before she completely ruins my life. If anyone has any suggestions with how to properly deal with a mischievous cat, please let me know.

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