Dear Lady Who Will Probably Never Call Me,
Let me just start out by saying I am not really surprised by this, but I am a little disappointed. I thought for sure that you showed great potential, I really didn’t picture you as one of those typical females in the 30-40 year olds, the kind that still have no clue what they want in a relationship, they are always looking for the next best thing, maybe a one night stand here or there, but nothing too serious, we call them Users.
I thought you were adorable, you had a great sense of humor, smart and heck you were even nice to that guy who cut you off, you just waved instead of giving him the finger, that move really won me over. When we first met you didn’t judge me, I thought for sure you would just write me off as some Meathead, but you took the time to talk with me. You even asked me for my number, you said you would call. You gave this Meathead hope, but not just me, it gave hope to all the Meathead’s out there that a classy lady like yourself could show interest in guys like us. So by not calling me, you’re not only letting me down, but all the other Meatheads out there as well….you’re also letting yourself down, because you are missing out on something special.
And as far as our evening went, I’m almost certain you did not plan it would end that way. I certainly didn’t plan for that to happen. But since it did happen, you should realize that it is a big deal, at least to me. I don’t do that very often and I’m pretty sure you don’t either, but the least you could have done is friended me on Facebook or even sent me a funny text or something, but to not even acknowledge that it happened at all seems odd to me, almost hurtful. I mean I’m a pretty easy going guy, maybe even a “anything goes kind of guy” but to be so uncaring, so hurtful…I almost broke down into tears, but luckily my cat did something pretty funny and it pulled me out of the emotional state I was in.
Perhaps you will say that you don’t have my number, perhaps you don’t, even though I did watch you enter it into your phone. But I know you have my friend request on Facebook, all you have to do is hit “Accept” but I guess that is even too much for you to do right now.
I have also gone to the trouble of making up some excuses as to why you haven’t contacted me, so no need on your part to think up a valid reason….
Excuse #1: You just weren’t sure that I wanted you to call me. Perhaps you thought I wasn’t that interested, which is completely false since I looked you directly in the face and said “I am really interested in you, please call me!”
Excuse #2: Perhaps you just got a case of the nerves, you wanted to call me but you were afraid of being rejected, this must happen often for you after you display any type of intimacy with a man.
Excuse #3: Perhaps there was a kidnapping of one of your family members or a close friend and you had to go on a mission to rescue them, you went for three days without contact, until you were finally able to locate and rescue them, but when you did rescue them you lost your phone that had my number in it, which makes sense….Except why didn’t you just accept my friend request on Facebook?
Excuse #4: Perhaps you have been way to busy. Although you weren’t too busy to throw yourself at me the other night, even though I know you had other plans already for that evening!
Excuse #5: Perhaps you’re just a Whore and I was just another notch on your fake Louis Vuitton handbag.
So now it seems I’m left with just two viable options…I can just be ashamed of myself and move on. Or I can spend my days Loathing you! But guess what? I choose neither of these options. There is no way I will ever walk around ashamed of myself because of your actions or lack thereof. And I refuse to spend my time Loathing you either, it’s counterproductive to my ever positive mindset, plus I hear it causes skin rashes. And to be honest, I’m still holding out hope that you will call, there is still time to make this right.