Welcome To BlogMD…We Are Just Like WebMD But Totally Different.

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Welcome to BlogMD, unlike WebMD we don’t waste your time giving you information you don’t need and likely don’t want. We have simplified the process for you, we researched the top five most entered symptoms on WebMD and we had our *Docktor write a no thrills, bare bones diagnosis for each of the symptoms, this way you can get yourself on the road to a healthy you.

*We use the term “Docktor” because our medical specialist works at a shipyard as a CNA which is almost like a Doctor but far less expensive.

 

SYMPTOMS…

Drippy Nose, Irritated Eyeballs, Sore, Scratchy Throat

DIAGNOSIS…

Alright you can relax, probably, this most likely isn’t a flu of some type. Chances are you’re probably allergic to something. But keep in mind the Allergy season doesn’t end until after the first snow fall. Life can be a cruel bitch so remember there are many common allergens found inside your home which will survive well past that first snow fall. Dust is a great example of an allergen that lingers on in households, are you a clean person? Perhaps you should get up off that couch and vacuum a little more. Be honest…your house is full of dust isn’t it? You’re a filthy pig aren’t you? How can you live with it like that in your home? That might be one of the reason’s your ex left you, did you ever stop to think about that? Look I’m not the only one who thinks you live like a pig…. Your family, Your Friends, Your Neighbors, all these people agree with me, we all think you should spend more time vacuuming and less time bitching about your drippy nose and scratchy throat. Anyways you will be fine, just clean that pig sty up, and lose some weight.

 

SYMPTOMS…

Chest Congestion, Nagging Cough, Stuffy Nose

DIAGNOSIS…

I have been around enough people on the docks where I work to know this sounds like a common cold. Now to get all technical on you, there are several strains of the Rhinovirus (the thing that causes colds) so the symptoms vary, but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing to worry about, just take it easy for a few days and drink plenty of Scotch. It is well known in many circles that Scotch kills the virus that causes colds, that’s why I drink a bottle a day, it keeps the colds away.

 

SYMPTOMS…

High Fever, Severe Lethargy, Bad Headache.

DIAGNOSIS…

Well, this is a tough one, but my gut tells me it’s the Flu. I should probably go wash my hands after I type this just to be safe. Alright, so let’s just say you have the Flu, that really sucks…Hey, don’t touch anything you will get your nasty germs all over the place. Let’s be safe, you need to wear a mask, like they do in Asian countries, sure people will think you’re some kind of freak but at least you are keeping them safe. If you don’t have a dust mask laying around then I would suggest tying a scarf or t-shirt around your head, right now your appearance matters little, public safety is what really matters so stop being selfish, cover that face. You probably won’t die from this unless you’re old or really young or weak in spirit or just a sickly person in which case you will probably die.

 

SYMPTOMS…

Puffy Face, Skinny or Emaciated, Warped Sense of Reality, Delusional, Paranoia

DIAGNOSIS…

Well good news it isn’t the Flu. Most likely you’re a Drug Addict or married to one. Usually I would recommend some medications to help you with this, but since you’re a Drug Addict you probably already have that worked out. Best of luck to you.

 

SYMPTOMS…

Enlarged or Swollen Glands, Gross Open Sores on Your Body, Blood Coming Out of Orifices

DIAGNOSIS…

Well, I really don’t know what’s wrong with you but it doesn’t sound good. I have seen pictures of people like you on the Internet and please understand this is just my medical opinion but you look disgusting. Who would even want to get near you, all that gross shit leaking from those nasty holes all over your body, and that blood leaking out, dammit I’m getting sick even think about this, please don’t come back to this site, go to WebMD next time you freak. I need to go shower now.

 

SYMPTOMS…

No Pulse, Cold to the Touch, Skin Changing Colors, Glazed Eyes, Weird Facial Expression

DIAGNOSIS…

You are probably dead, yeah, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that your dead.

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