So the way I see it summer is over, here in Montana the first day of September means it could snow at any moment, that’s right any moment. September is also the month I do my annual winter coat drive.
Like any good planner I plan ahead, I need to bring in the coats before it snows, that’s why I am asking for your help again this year. Please look in your closets and ask yourself this important question…”Is there anything in here, anything at all, that would look really good on Rob?” Perhaps you have a really nice coat you haven’t worn in a while, maybe you have one, maybe even a brand new one that simply brings “me” to mind when you look at it…Would I look good in it?…Well would I?
Over the years I have found the best way to get myself the stuff I want is to hold a “Drive” I got this idea from watching charities and other organizations hold them, and when I saw all the great stuff that people willingly gave away, it hit me, I could do the same thing and not have to spend a dime of my own money.
Now what did I learn from last year’s coat drive? Well I learned I have expense taste when it comes to coats, and I like to be fairly trendy so please this year don’t drop of your Grandpa’s old coats from the 50’s. Some of you might say “Well beggars can’t be chooser’s” well news flash, I’m not begging, I’m holding a “Drive” and that requires people to have some class. And please people, remember the coats need to be no smaller than 3XL, you have no idea how many coats I had to throw away last year because they were too small.
Something else to keep in mind, I’m not just asking you to reach in your closets, I’m also asking you to reach into your hearts and find me something that will go perfectly with my brand new mint julip colored slacks, I love these pants but sadly I just can’t seem to find anything to go with them.
Some of you might be thinking if I have the money for brand new mint julip colored slacks, then why can’t I buy my own matching coat? Well for your information I didn’t buy these bitchin slacks, I acquired them during the “Bottoms Drive” I held last month, I thought for sure the mint julip color would have been a dead giveaway.
To make things easier on me it would be great if you can drop off your coat donations directly to me. I would offer to go around and pick them up but due to the lack of public participation in my recent “Vehicle Drive” I’m still without reliable transportation. But thankfully the “Two Wheel Drive” I did several weeks ago really went well, I have enough bikes to last me all year, and for those who dumped those kids bikes off on me well I wasn’t going to let them go to waste so I used them to make an artificial reef in the canal near my house, I’m sure it will be a great habitat for the fish.
I will be the first to admit, even though I’m a “planner” I sometimes get ahead of myself and don’t think everything through. Like when I held a “Couch, Loveseat, Lazyboy Drive” before I held my “Rent Free Housing Drive” it was kind of embarrassing having to cram several loveseats into a room that was just begging for a nice sectional.
Like my therapist is always telling me …”Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get until you bite into them” the man is a genius for coming up with that saying. Anyways, it reminds me of the “Feline Companion Drive” I held, one day I was “catless” and the next I had twenty four new companions running around my house, I was in heaven, until I held my fourth failed “Feline Companion Food Drive” let’s just say you never really know what terror is until you have a pack of starving felines stalking you.
It isn’t easy using “Drives” to get the things you want in life, actually it is probably harder than actually having a real job. I challenge anyone who says what I do takes no talent or skill whatsoever. Let’s see you hold a “Taxi Fare Drive” while an angry cabbie is screaming obscenities at you in some foreign dialect, it takes balls of steel to remain calm and level headed in that type of hostile situation.
Well, I’m hoping this year’s “Coat Drive” will be a success, I can’t wait to see what the generous public has in store for me. If I have learned anything from holding all these “Drives” it’s that there truly is no limit to how far the generosity of strangers can take me. And I’m looking forward to that generosity during this weekends “Give Me Free Money Drive” hope to see you there!