Just some simple tips on raising kids in Sin City….
Do not leave your daughters unattended in Las Vegas they will most likely end up working in a Strip Club.
Do not allow your child to have a roommate while attending college at UNLV. Said roommate will sleep with her significant other then steal all her jewelry.
If your kid stays in his or her room too long, they are probably in a cult or operating an internet porn site.
Don’t have a second child, the first born will try to kill their younger sibling and pin it on you.
Don’t force some weird diet on your child, they will end up getting arrested because they were found eating pizza from a dumpster behind Domino’s. And they will most likely be murdered by an older sibling.
Don’t raise your kids in Las Vegas. They will end up running their own prostitution service, then waste all their hard earned money on gambling.
Warn your kids to never go near black garbage bags they find in the desert, they always contain body parts.
When your child begins dating, make sure he or she is not getting involved unwittingly with her own half sibling, as a result of your spouse having a second secret identity/family across town.
Don’t raise your kids in Reno either. They will just steal your car and take it to Vegas with their friends, who will most likely kill them and leave them in the trunk.
If your child’s close friend is murdered by a homeless crack addict for money, be careful…this might cause them to go on a killing spree, targeting homeless people living in dumpsters behind major casinos.
If you have a step-child and they are acting strangely, check any outbuilding you may have for child slaves. Or they might be in a secret location in Boulder City, anyways just keep an eye on that kid.