“The Younger The Better”…And Other Famous Utterance’s By Jared The Pedophile



Like most people I was shocked to hear that Subways famous Pitchman had been arrested for child pornography and paying minors for sex. I thought at first maybe there is some mistake, this can’t be, it’s Jared after all.  For the last fifteen years I have seen this dude on Subway commercials, pitching the wholesome goodness of Subway sandwiches. But sadly there was no mistake made, Jared offered a plea deal, he is trying not to get hit with the maximum sentence…But he is a Pedophile, he needs the maximum sentence, castration and then daily beatings and prison rape each and every day!

So who is this Pitchman turned Pedophile? Most people know him as the Subway guy, but how did this come about? Jared was a student at Indiana University, he was known to run a little business out of his dorm room, he rented porn videos to fellow students for the bargain porn price of $1 (Subway would later deny ever knowing about this little business venture he had in college) So while Jared was busy duplicating tapes, processing porn rentals and handling returns, not to mention his homework I guess this busy lifestyle took a toll on the future Pedophile and he just couldn’t seem to fit exercising into his schedule.

So Jared ballooned to a staggaring 425 pounds and wore XXXXXXL shirts and a 60 inch waist. I can’t imagine he looked very attractive to the young ladies at that time. But fate seemed to intervene for him, NO…he didn’t get a date, even better a Subway sandwich joint opened up on the ground floor of his building, which meant he could access food without his fat ass having to expend much energy.

And to seal the deal for Jared there happened to be a cute young girl that worked there that he was sweet on, so this Subway place would be his home away from…err….dorm room? I can’t imagine the female employee was to “sweet” on Jared, but that’s neither here nor there.

So as the Jared story goes, he had struggled with his weight all his life and he entertained vision of riding off into the sunset with the young sandwich “artist” of his dreams. So the Pedophile decided to make a plan, he would eat each and every meal at the Subway in his building, but he would skip all the fatty stuff on his sandwiches like mayo and cheese, he also started drinking diet soda instead of his Mountain Dew….Maybe if he drank water instead of soda he would have done even better, but what do I know.


So after a year of just eating Subway sandwiches he supposedly lost 245 pounds. Hard to believe he didn’t incorporate an exercise routine into his weight loss plan but hey, I guess it worked. So one of Jared’s dorm-mates wrote an article about his dramatic weight loss in the student newspaper. Later a writer from Men’s Health Magazine tracked Jared down and did a story on the “Subway Sandwich Diet” which then got the attention of a local Subway franchisee who pitched the idea to have Jared as a spokesman and the rest is history.

On January 1, 2000, the first “Jared” ad ran. It was runaway success, with no less a superstar than Oprah Winfrey contacting Subway about the spot.

The company then rolled out the commercial nationally, and Subway’s 2000 sales rose 18%, year-over-year. Jared was now Subway’s secret weapon in the fast-food wars. Since the first Jared commercial hit the airwaves, Subway headquarters has received “thousands of letters, emails and photos from people who have been inspired by Jared to lose weight and live healthier lifestyles” who have “lost a total of 160,000 pounds.”

So now let’s see what exactly did Jared do to get himself in all this legal trouble? Well Prosecutors state that Subway Jared aka..Jared The Pedophile, received commercial child pornography from his buddy Russel Taylor, who at one time was the head of the Jared Foundation, a non-profit that Jared help set-up to battle childhood obesity. It turns out this Taylor dude was secretly videotaping 12 minors while they changed clothes and showered at his home, he then shared these images with Jared.

Prosecutors also claim Jared had explicit images of children as young as six on his home computers. They claim Jared traveled to New York City at least twice between 2010 and 2013 seeking sex with minors and paid for sex acts with a girl he knew was 16 and another girl younger than 18. He is reported to have told the first minor he paid to have sex with that he would  “make it worth her while”  if she would find him another minor to have sex with,  “the younger the girl, the better”  he told her.

So if the court agrees to Jared’s plea deal for having sex with minors and receiving child pornography he would serve between five and twelve years in prison, he will be required to pay $1.4 million in restitution to 14 minor victims and register as a sex offender.

Not surprisingly Subway fired Jared this week once the plea deal was made public.

Jared once said that  “Subway helped save my life and start over, I can’t ever repay that”  I guess getting arrested for child pornography and sex with minors isn’t the best way he could have repaid Subway, but hey he certainly brought attention to Subway now.

By the way Jared is married and has two minor children, can’t help but wonder what went on behind closed doors at Jared’s home, I feel sorry for those kids, they will have to grow up knowing what kind of man their father was, and having it all made so public. Jared’s wife Katie, did tell reporters that she is shocked by all of this and is filing for a divorce.

So now Jared the Pedophile joins an ever growing list of “Pitchmen”  who has brought shame and embarrassment to the companies that hired them. He joins the likes of Paula Deen, Lance Armstrong, Martha Stewart, Kobe Bryant, Michael Vick, OJ Simpson, and even Mike Tyson. Perhaps being a Pitchman brings bad luck to people….Or perhaps money and fame bring out the worst in people.

Anyways…Enjoy Prison Jared!


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