Thanks Mom And Dad For Making Me Husky…You Ruined My Life!

lolo

 

 

Well hello there fellow my Americans, so you have a little weight problem do you? Well it’s okay most Americans are in the same boat you are in. America is the land of Excess, we super-size everything, we live in the moment, we enjoy rewarding ourselves any chance we get, and sometimes we just have a hard time saying NO! And why do we do this? Because we are Americans and we can do whatever the hell we want,  regardless of the future consequences.  Another thing we Excel at as Americans is finding someone other than ourselves to blame for our Excesses.

Now the common logic in the Fitness World is that most people who are “Husky” just eat too much, don’t Exercise, poor food choices, blah, blah and blah. Come on we all know it’s your own fault that you’re a “Chunky Monkey” stop blaming glandular issues, or that your feet are disproportionately small to your frame, and that you would Exercise but you don’t want to getBulky” looking.

Okay let me throw this one out there for you to chew on…So your ‘Husky” but you’re also an American which means it’s not really your fault.  Look, let me show you why it’s not your fault and also give you someone to blame.  So let’s take a gander at your propensity for being overweight or “Husky”, not to mention your Exercise habits or lack thereof and the types and amounts of food you eat can probably be traced back to your Childhood…That’s right, it’s your Parent’s fault you’re a “Chunky Monkey” if you grew up in an environment where being a coach potato was the norm, or eating unhealthy food was a daily thing and exercise meant walking from the car into Walmart and back out then it would appear we have found the source of your “Huskiness” therefore you are not required to take responsibility for your own actions….God Bless America!

Now when you go to confront your parents on this issue and lay an epic guilt trip on them, demanding they give you an increase in your allowance (even though you’re in your thirties) and that they get you new furniture for your place (their basement) then you are going to need to show them some facts to back up your accusations of parental abuse which caused a lifetime of “Huskiness” on your part.

So the first fact you want to hit them with is probably the most damning one, the one they will have a hard time denying…Let them know they gave you shitty Genes! Your parents Genes obviously sucked, if you want to drop science on their asses then simply tell them that the TRIP-Br2 they passed along which is a protein that is involved with metabolism and fat storage is defective. They truly gave you defective Genes and now your Fat…Thanks a lot Mom and Dad!!

Now you would think shitty Genes would be enough but let’s really make the case for you, let your folks know they got you addicted to junk food. That’s right they created a Junkie, they got you hooked early and kept you strung-out on Ho Ho’s and Doritos! Like any addiction you gain a tolerance to the drug (Oreos) so you needed to take more and more to get the same high…Basically your parent’s were Narco-Junk Food Dealers and you were their little Junkie.

Let’s keep piling on the guilt, did they give you Antibiotics? Perhaps they will be ignorant to the fact but believe me they did.  Here’s the evidence… For a long time, farmers and ranchers have been using antibiotics in agriculture. The obvious reason would be to prevent the livestock from contracting illnesses when the rancher’s son doesn’t wear a condom, but antibiotic use is also used specifically for the purpose of increasing weight.  You see most people want their livestock to be fat because, interestingly enough, they will then use meat from the livestock to make food. People then eat the food. See you learn something new every day…So yes, your parents were fattening you up with Antibiotics.

So there you have it folks, you now have the fact’s you need to blame your parent’s for your “Husky” physique. Make sure you confront them after dinner, I would hate for you to get sent to your room (their basement) without dinner. Good Luck and remember it’s not your fault that you are the way you are!

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