Well Of Course I Blame Obama And Satan For Ruining My American Style Summers…

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It’s already Mid-August, and in Montana that means the brief period between snow and more snow that we like to call summer is almost over. Hell, it could already be over that’s how unpredictable Montana weather is. I could wake up in the morning and go to post this article and there might be a foot of snow on the ground, but hopefully that won’t be the case.

I miss the summers of my youth, they never seemed to end and they were filled with fun times like going to beach, BBQ’s and summertime jobs . But it’s clear those days are long gone, summer just isn’t the same anymore.

So what happened? It’s certainly not just because I got older is it? There has to be more to it? Time to examine the facts…

I use to love having BBQ’s, nothing quite like grilling up some steaks or hamburgers.  But I don’t know if anyone has been paying attention but doesn’t it seem like there have been less and less BBQ’s going on? Well you can blame the high costs of beef and other food products for this trend. Even Ketchup and Mustard is more expensive…I did some research and found out the price of beef is up nearly 12% and cheese has jumped up to 11% …You have to have good ol’ American cheese on your burgers right? Hell Yeah!!  Well that shits expensive and don’t even think about slapping some meat candy on your burger, Bacon…God’s gift to America for being so damn Awesome, well that gift has skyrocketed.  And like any red-blooded American I need someone to blame for ruining my BBQ’s and there are only two people on this earth who are clearly at fault…Obama and Satan!

Alright, moving on, so what about summertime jobs? Do you remember your first summer job? Did your parents make you get one or were you an over-achiever looking to earn some green? Most people I have talked to flipped burgers at some crappy McNasty establishment. Getting a summertime job was practically a rite of passage. But not anymore, today’s economy means most jobs teens normally fill are being filled by adults.

I think it’s pretty sad that many teens will never get to experience having a summertime job, they will never know the secret pleasure in spitting in someone’s burger and watching them eat it. They will miss out on stocking cans in a grocery store or having to rush to aisle four where one of your friends purposely spilled something just so you had to clean it up. American teens having summertime jobs is just another vestige of Americana vanishing into folklore just like bitchin muscle cars and high school educations. And I don’t think I need to say who is responsible for their being no teen jobs…We all know who, don’t we Obama? Oh I guess I said it anyways.

Well at least we can still chase the ice cream truck down on our street and grab a Bomb Pop…Wrong! When was the last time you saw an ice cream truck trolling your neighborhood? When I was a kid hearing that damn jingle off in the distant was like a religious experience. But sadly those same kids who chased the ice cream truck grow up to be bitter and jaded adults. And adults who are bitter and jaded are assholes and those assholes make bad things happen like creating city ordinances banning those beloved jingly jangly ice cream trucks. I can think of only two people who would be so jaded and angry that they would want to see an end to the ice cream man….That’s right Obama and Satan!

Ok screw it, let’s just go to the beach instead, going to the beach use to be my very favorite thing to do, as a kid I lived in Florida so I was basically in Heaven.  But these days going to the beach is a whole different animal. Let’s just assume you’re lucky enough to live near the coast and can visit a real beach, one with waves, broken bottles and syringes in the sand. But if your land locked like me, you have to go to a fake beach like a lake or pond with some dirt and rocks on it, clearly not the same experience.

But the beaches of today are different than the beaches of my youth. If you visit a beach now you better make sure you have all your shots current and lots of antibiotics. I read a study that states 1 out of 10 beaches in the United States are not fit for swimming. The water at most beaches are contaminated with sewage, runoff and urban slobber…Not really sure what that last one is but it sounds hilarious.

So let’s look on the positive side of this… that means 9 out of 10 beaches aren’t too bad, right? So grab your teens because they aren’t working anyways and hit the beach and if anyone gets sick you will know what caused it because it won’t be from the ice cream or burgers you consumed this year…Thanks Obama…Oh and Satan!

Enjoy what’s left of your summer…

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