I will be the first to admit I have made numerous mistakes over the years, and some I keep repeating, probably because I’m a slow learner or secretly I enjoy having my life shaken up drastically every few years. I have learned its best just to admit your errors and move on, so in the spirit of reconciliation I will admit I made a horrible mistake today. On my way to the gym I hesitated for what must have seemed an eternity but in reality was probably just a split second when the light turned green. All I can do now in reflection is hope that the Lord Almighty and YOU, the driver of the Chevy Tahoe, that was behind me, will one day forgive me…But “Ms.Tahoe” thank you so much for showing me how badly I messed up.
Looking back to this morning I really can’t believe how much of a Douchebag I was, I mean, I consider myself to be a fairly “Do-Unto-Others” kind of guy, especially when I’m driving, after all, like the commercials keep telling us, we are driving two thousand pound weapons, so I take it very seriously my role as a potential Bomber Pilot. I will admit, sometimes I can get a tad bit careless while I’m piloting my weapon….The worst is when I start to think of something, like Cats or Women, then my mind totally wanders off, and I believe that’s what happened this morning, good thing “Ms.Tahoe” laid on her horn when she did, I can’t even remember now exactly what I was thinking of, but I’m sure it totally wasn’t worth holding you up for that extra Nano-second.
As I keep replaying the incident over and over in my mind, I’m trying to piece together what exactly I did, so I can learn from it, and hopefully not repeat it again. Like I said I was on my way to the gym, traffic was heavy because people were on their way to work and school, and I ended up at a intersection, waiting at a red light. then all of the sudden the light changed (Listen, I’m not trying to make any excuses here for not hitting the gas instantly when the light turned green) but out of nowhere it seemed, I hear this Honking, now it wasn’t a friendly “Beep..Beep Hey I’m here, let’s move along cutie” This one was a loud, long blast of the horn. I honestly believe this Honk said “Hey, You Douchebag, just who the hell do you think you are, move your piece of shit car” But only louder. But then “Ms.Tahoe” followed it up with two shorter Honks, as if to say “F*ck” and “You” that totally made me take notice.
I guess, at first I was oblivious of my sluggishness off the line, perhaps I was just in a state of confusion as to why you were assaulting with your Horn. What could I have done to possibly make you so upset? I thought at first it may have been my back window sticker. I have a single stick man figure and a stick man cat…which is my cute way of saying “I’m Available” but then I remembered someone recently scrapped off my cat and my stick man’s arms and legs…Now it just looks like I’m trying to tell people I’m an Amputee.
Then I thought perhaps since you were a Chevy driver and I drive a Chevy you were just vigorously trying to show a sign of automobile unity, but when I looked in the rear view mirror I saw your middle finger extended to its maximum height so I quickly discarded that Chevy idea.
Then, I finally realized what the problem was, I did not move quickly enough when the light turned green. I did not act with the speed and instinct of the mighty Cheetah, which I regret may have delayed you from your morning commute. I still don’t understand how I could have been so inconsiderate? I mean I know what it’s like to be behind someone sitting at an intersection for almost an eighth of a second….Time literally stands still, It’s like they got out of their car and walked back to mine and whispered in my ear that ‘They are number one, and you are behind me, I will take my sweet time getting to my destination and you can just sit there and rot in hell”
I really wish I could go back and do it all over again. Instead of taking my own sweet time, I would have twisted my neck to see when exactly the opposite light turned from green to yellow. Then, the moment it turned red, I would have gunned it, peeling off exactly as my light turned green. In retrospect it would have been the decent thing to do.
I’m sure that “Ms.Tahoe” was probably a doctor and I prevented her from saving someone’s life. Or maybe she was a dentist, and she had an emergency root canal on the Mayor of Helena. I really shouldn’t question her motives. All I really need to know is that wherever you were headed, that you arrived .00000013 seconds later because of me.
So all I can say is “Thank You Ms.Tahoe” I have truly learned a valuable lesson today. And because of my horrible deed. I have decided that I cannot be trusted behind the wheel of a two thousand pound weapon anymore. From now on, I will walk. That’s right, I will be selling my wonderful little Chevy so that no one will ever risk suffering the terrible fate you did. I hope you’re seeing this message “Ms.Tahoe” and I hope this act of contrition will let me get by in life with less guilt and shame.
Please “Ms.Tahoe” please forgive me…Please?