My Brilliant Plan To Defeat ISIS…But Nobody Cares




Sometimes I stun myself with the sheer brilliance of some of my ideas, I like to consider myself a strategic planner, a human computer, I have even been told by some that “Genius” is not a strong enough a word to describe me. So lately I have been spending my free time between workouts trying to solve our Nations security issues.  I would certainly devote more time to this work if the government would properly compensate me for my ideas, but it seems our current leader really has no interest in dealing with ISIS, he is just going to kick the little terror can down the road until the next President takes over, if you ask me that is pretty shitty leadership.

But even though Obama has no interest in my ideas, I came up with one so perfect, so deadly, and if executed properly it could totally cripple ISIS in one fatal blow.  So even if Obama doesn’t want to hear it I feel America does, so that’s why I’m going to share my idea for free.  But I don’t want any of the terrorists out there to find out about it because then they will be expecting it and then it may not work, so everyone who reads this needs to pinky swear that they will not tell any other their terrorist friends…Swear? Okay good enough for me.

So my idea is modeled after the Greek’s Trojan horse ruse which help them defeat the city of Troy, my idea is so simple, it’s surprises me that nobody has attempted already. Instead of using a wooden horse, we will use a wooden pyramid.  Pyramids are pretty popular over there. Hell, Egypt has a bunch of them so by using a pyramid shape it will fit right in over there. All we need to do is build a wooden pyramid just outside the city of Raqqa in Syria, that is ISIS’s main headquarters. We will call it a peace offering and much like the Trojans, ISIS will bring the pyramid into the heart of the city and show it off to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi the leader of ISIS, and that’s when all hell will break loose!

So now I have two options for what happens next, we could do like the Greeks did and hide a very select group of special operators inside the pyramid which can sneak out  and go into action and kill Al-Baghdadi and any of the other main leaders in the city of Raqqa. Yes, it may end up being a suicide mission, and since I would never dream of endangering our true Hero’s in such a fashion this select group of special operators should be made up of Obama and his inner circle, after all he is the leader of this country and what more powerful message could we send as a Nation than to send our own leader to take out our enemies leadership? And I think it would be a great PR move for Hillary to get involved in this operation, she is no stranger to combat, she just barely escaped sniper fire in Bosnia, and she could even be the teams Communications specialist, she is good at sending secret emails and stuff then destroying them before they fall into enemies hands, or Congress.

My second option would be to place a small nuclear device inside the pyramid, this option is guaranteed to be successful, and it also gives the our government the option to deny any involvement in the operation, we could always say that ISIS was building their own dirty bomb and it accidentally went off, or we could even say Iran supplied them with a small nuke, that way we can also go after Iran and take out their  nuclear program once and for all. I know you are probably stunned at how brilliant my idea is, just take a few minutes to catch your breath, relax it will be okay. Just remember you made a pinky promise not to share this information with your terrorist friends, I expect you to keep your promise.

I would also like to share this thought with you, since our government may not want to commit to such an undertaking as this , I would challenge any wealthy Patriotic Americans who have the means and the burning passion to see ISIS destroyed to feel free and use my idea.  You can make any design or payload configurations you want. Perhaps you would fill the pyramid with Confederate Flags which would spring into action causing death and destruction on the very heart of ISIS.  Afterall we all know how deadly Confederate Flags are.  Or maybe just fill the pyramid with handguns, and when the moment is right unleash those handguns onto the streets of Raqqa, ISIS will be destroyed in no time.  Like Abraham Lincoln once said  “People don’t kill people, Handguns kill people.” 

Well hopefully either the government will put my idea into action, or some American Patriot will find a way to make it happen, but something needs to be done, someone needs to take action. And once ISIS is finally destroyed I would be willing to share my other brilliant ideas to bring destruction on all the other terrorist shitbags out there.  I have a great idea to destroy Boko Haram, it involves robotic baboons armed with machetes or  we can go after North Korea with exploding pigeons, I even have an idea to defeat Canada with a robotic moose and flying explosive squirrels but that’s for another day.

God Bless America!!

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