Why do I dislike my neighbor? well it’s a lot of little things, for example, he has a dog that must have some type of mental health issue because all it does is stare at the fence and bark, and you guessed it there isn’t a damn thing there, it just barks and shits, I hate that dog. My neighbor also likes to tinker around on his old crappy truck at night, and he enjoys playing his banjo playing, inbred hillbilly music while he does, and apparently he is deaf because he plays that music so loud I feel like I’m in the hills of West Virginia watching my “sister wife” dance around the fire as a whole hog rotates on the spit. But the worst thing about my neighbor is that he has a new wind chime, I hated his old wind chime because it use to wake me up at night, but thankfully it “disappeared” one day when he wasn’t home, but bless his heart he got himself a new one.
The way I look at it I could just hope that the new wind chime just “disappears” like the old one, but that won’t really solve all the other issues I have with my neighbor, so it is time I get creative and take care of things once and for all, I must bring peace and harmony back to my neighborhood.
So I have been doing some “tinkering” of my own, and with a few spare parts I had from my last project I created the perfect solution to my crappy neighbor problem. I created a Multi-Phase Sub-Atomic Particle Vortex Accelerator, but that’s a big ass name so I just call it “The Box.” I know what you are probably thinking, how could I create something like that? Well it’s actually fairly easy, I saw a DIY video online and was able to build one myself, of course I made a few design changes and upgrades, basically mine has a remote control and I’m able to select a location, instead of it being random.
So my plan is to leave “The Box” on my neighbor’s porch and when he comes out to investigate it “Wham, Blamo, Blasto” he will be gone, off to another dimension and out of my life forever. I know there might be some of you uptight folks out there who might want to point out the dangers associated with Multi-Phase Sub-Atomic Particle Vortex Acceleration, like that the inter-dimensional vortices are so huge that a person could easily get lost forever in them, or that the gravitational surge formed by the dimensional rift can sometimes destabilize a humans temporal imprint, which basically wipes out their past, present and future existences across the timeline. Let just say first of all that’s all a bunch of old-wives tales and secondly I don’t care, I don’t want him back so I don’t care where he ends up.
I will admit I was a little nervous when I tested out my device on my good friends kid this morning, My friend asked me to watch her son for a few hours while she took care of some stuff, the timing couldn’t have been better., otherwise I was afraid I would have to test it out on my Cat, and that would be just plain wrong, what if something happened to Ms. Kitty? I would never forgive myself. Anyways, I told little Tommy to go sit on the black box and when he did I hit the “Enter” button on the remote and “Wham, Blamo, Blasto” it worked as expected, I watched with utter amazement as little Tommy careened violently into the heart of a massive molecular whirlpool, and for a brief second, I wondered if I made a mistake. I really had no idea if little Tommy would be able to successfully navigate the inter-dimensional fault line or withstand the atomic reshuffling that usually occurs upon re-entry. I was just being a worry wort.
But turns out I worried for nothing, when I hit the “Return” button, the whirlpool opened back up and out stepped little Tommy, well actually he isn’t that little anymore turns out he may have only been gone for ten seconds on my watch but in the whirlpool of inter-dimensional travel it was forty-five years in the vortex, but Tom as he likes to be called now, is really smart, and was able to help me do a few last minute adjustments to my machine, where he went I guess they use them all the time for travel and leisure. Although it certainly was awkward explaining everything to his mother, I think she might need some time to get over her anger.
I can’t wait to send my neighbor on his big adventure, hopefully he will have his dog with him so I can take care of two birds with one Multi-Phase Sub-Atomic Particle Vortex Accelerator stone, otherwise I will have to call the pound. And once the neighbor and his dog are no longer around I plan on sending his wind chime through the inter-dimensional particle vortex as well, I thought that would be kind of funny, sort of like “pranking” some unsuspecting person on another dimension, and that’s funny, I don’t care what dimension you live on.