Checkmate…A Guy’s Guide To Winning Arguments

t5t5

 

 

We men have done some pretty amazing things throughout history, just going back the last hundred years look at all the cool stuff we achieved…We American’s landed on the beaches of Normandy  and kicked the Nazi’s assess back to Germany, We put a man on the moon, We won the cold war, and we have remained the undefeated world champs at football, you know real football, American football…of course we never play any other countries but that doesn’t matter because we are Americans and we do what we want.

Now the point I’m trying to make is that as men, we have faced incredible odds and overcame those odds to achieve our goals, we have faced numerous enemies in the past like Germany, Japan, USSR, and came out victors. But now it’s time that we men form a strategy to take on our fiercest advisory yet, the one that strikes fear in millions of men each and every day….It’s time we face our greatest challenge, something we have never been able to successfully master, and that’s winning an argument with a female.

Let’s face it guys when it comes to women we lose every argument that we are ever involved in, even if we  “technically”  win, we still lose.  In my opinion arguing with a female is pointless, just like washing your car in the rain, it makes no sense, but we end up doing it anyways.

So as a male, I would like to see us men achieve finally achieve victory in the war of words, I have really been giving it a lot of thought the last forty five minutes and I’m pretty sure I have come up with a viable solution when we are faced with our worst nightmare, a female who wants to argue with you. Think of arguing like a Chess game, you need to think a few moves ahead, it’s about strategy and remaining calm, don’t let your emotions control the game.  My plan isn’t perfect but neither are you so that’s why it’s perfect.

 

Move One: Remove Logic

Usually when you are in an argument logic isn’t used by everyone, don’t allow yourself to be handicapped by it.

 

Move Two: Never Compromise Your Beliefs

I learned a long time ago that as soon as I offered a compromise to an angry female, it was like blood in the water, the shark gets in a frenzy and attacks everything. I was told by a female friend that as soon as a guy compromises the female thinks if they can get you to concede to one thing they will be able to get you to quit on everything.

 

Move Three: Sometimes It’s Okay To Take Cheap Shots

We have all been there, we are caught up in an argument and the girl will randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument. That is a power move on their part, to wear you down and break your spirit. Once they go there it is okay for you to defend yourself with your own cheap shot. Tell her she reminds you of your mom, I’ve been told that really upsets them.

 

 Move Four: Note Historical References

When you start throwing historical references out during an argument, this is like being sprayed with bear spray, it will confuse and disorient your opponent.

 

Move Five: Disrupt And Interrupt

Think about it, if you disrupt the flow of her argument by interrupting her, then she can’t talk. And girls hate that, sort of like how they hate other girls, which is just as confusing and funny in a weird way.

 

Move Six: Don’t Get Too Serious

Listen don’t take this arguing stuff too seriously, try to add levity to the situation by laughing when she tries to make her point. Chances are she will start laughing as well, and the argument will be over…Or there is also the chance once you start laughing she might grab a sharp object and stab you in the heart.

 

Move Seven: Never Fall For “Let’s stop arguing please”

This is an age old tactic of the females, it is their way of making you let your guard down, then they jump on you like a band of spider monkeys, and you will lose! Instead say something like “Yes, I think we both know I’m right so no point going any further”  Again, you run the risk of being stabbed in the heart with something pointy.

 

Move Eight: Compare Her To Another Female

This is a dangerous move, but when you feel like you’re about to lose, mention to her that one of her friends is much more compassionate than her, this will instantly disorientate her, it will give you a chance to take back control of the situation.  Again, you may be stabbed in the heart and face by something sharp and pointy. Be Vigilante

 

Move Nine: Don’t Be Afraid To Cry

We all know that’s their main move when they start losing an argument, so beat her to it. Start crying as soon as the argument starts and don’t stop until your taking your victory lap.

 

Move Ten: Checkmate

Since no guy likes arguing, and we all know we never win anyways, forget about Moves 1 thru 9, and just immediately say you’re Sorry, tell her you love her and remember being right isn’t worth losing or hurting someone you love. Checkmate 

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