Come With Me As I Search For My Missing Car Keys….




Yesterday I misplaced my keys, and it was a pretty chaotic scene since I was in a hurry to get somewhere. So I figured why not give you a running commentary of my search….

“What the Hell, where are my keys” I yell out in frustration…”Where are my keys?”

I start to grasp the severity of the situation, I had somewhere I needed to be in 20 minutes, and I couldn’t be late. Finding my keys would prove to be an exhaustive and mentally challenging journey into near insanity that would last the next quarter-hour.

“All right, Rob…think,”  I began aloud.  I then scanned the laundry I had dumped on my bed earlier and then the rest of my bedroom…

“When was the last time you saw it?”  I asked, oddly I began addressing myself in the second person…

“It was either on the bookshelf,” I replied to myself, “or they were on the dresser.”

“But my kid got something out of my car, did he put the keys back?”  I announced to no one in particular. “So maybe my kid has them, I will just call him”

So I switched gears for a second, I looked for my cellphone but couldn’t find that either, “With my luck, I lost my cell phone too!”  I said to myself attempting to add a degree of personal levity into this stressful situation.

After finding the cell phone, I announced another disappointing event to the walls of my kitchen  “My kid isn’t answering his phone, great!”  I exclaimed to the cat who was now watching me with a look of bewilderment.

After continuing my search in the top three of the estimated 42 different locations of my house that I have left my keys in the past, I summed up the entire process….

“Did I leave my keys in the car” I thought, as I repeatedly opened and closed the refrigerator door.  “But I couldn’t have, how would I have unlocked my front door?”  I said to my Cat who was now sitting at my feet.

“Okay, okay. What am I looking for again?”  I said in a forceful voice, as I scanned the room again with renewed purpose.

After eight fruitless and chaotic minutes, in which many other possible locations of my missing keys were audibly considered, I began to get more and more dramatic in my movements, my emotions were crashing like the waves of a storm hitting an isolated beach, I even began to blame my Cat, my self-narration of the events unfolding in front of me became more like rantings of a crazy homeless man who lost his imaginary dog in a park, eventually my words turned into unrestrained shouting….

“My f**king keys, where are my f**king keys?”….”I have to be somewhere in ten f**king minutes!!”  my Cat ran off at this point, she was never fond of yelling or crazy people.

“Just calm down Rob, talk yourself through this” I said to myself, struggling to maintain a calm, measured tone  “Come on, they have to be here!”

“I am such a f**king idiot! How many times can I lose those damn keys?!”  I said, turning to the open living room and gesturing at the Cat who was staring at me from afar.

“So stupid!” I yelled at myself…”Think Rob, Think!”

At this point my self-narration of the events surrounding my missing keys, began to turn to defeatism.

“I give up”  I said, half-smiling, and then I sat down on the floor of my living room and I stared at the black screen of my tv…”I guess I will just have to miss my event”  I said to my Cat, who came over to see me, as if to say  “Everything will be okay as soon as you feed me”  I felt a tear roll down my cheek as my kid got home, walking in the front door, he asked me why I left my keys in the door handle?

“Oh yeah, that’s right”

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