I Would Like To Address The Ugly Rumor That I Have Started Running/Jogging/Fast Walking….



Okay I’m going to be straight with you, like a lot of you out there, I don’t like my body, I can never get big enough, when I look in the mirror I just see a skinny little guy. My friends tell me I’m huge, but I don’t listen to my friends, or at least that’s what my friends tell me. Don’t get me wrong, the opinions of others are really important me. Seriously, I once stopped eating beef jerky because a friend told me it can give you cancer and nobody thinks cancer is cool.  Anyways, what I’m trying to get at is, I try to take care of myself by eating healthy, lifting weights and even a little cardio. But if you ask me why I work so hard at trying to look good, my answer would be because I like to go out of my way to please those around me, it seems like a noble cause to me. I think if I can give the general public something nice to look at it’s my way of trying to please others, and when I say “something” I mean my body.

So in order to maintain my goal of being able to please the general public and also fulfill my personal desire of becoming a stacked, muscle commando, I have decided to incorporate more running into my workout routines. Not a lot of running mind you, because I hate running. Now for those of you that have fairly decent IQ’s and don’t run long distances on a whim, let me share something with you…People who like to cut themselves with razor blades should just go running, because your body feels the same amount of pain, at least mine does.

But unlike cutting yourself with razor blades, cardio (running) pays off. Actually I wouldn’t call what I do running as much as it jogging, or maybe fast walking. But anyways the feeling of accomplishment you get after run/jog/walk a half mile is pretty exhilarating, okay maybe I go a quarter mile, but still it feels like I did something.

When I work out it’s like my body releases a drug that gives me a better outlook on life. Well technically your body actually does release a drug, so it’s not “like” it does, it actually does, your body releases Endorphin’s which have a magical ability to relieve stress and pain within the body, and it also helps restore hope in humanity, okay, no it doesn’t, I was just trying to sound deep and philosophical, but still it makes you feel good, so there.

Now even though I dislike running, I know it’s important to do, like for example, if I was in Baltimore and the locals started looting and rioting I would probably be glad I could run, but thankfully they never riot or loot in Baltimore so I wouldn’t have to worry about that.  But the one major benefit to this whole running kick I’m getting on is it will help me be more productive and do things that benefit our society, like I might even start recycling, or maybe I will donate to a charity, actually me writing this thing your reading right now is helpful so that technically counts as donating to a charity.

I’m kind of worried that I only started running to gain social approval, envy and respect from everyone around me, but now that I think about it, I’m okay with that. Besides I will get even healthier and live longer…to some degree I guess. When it comes down to it, the real question that needs to be answered is…”Do you Crossfitters respect me now” And the only answer that would be acceptable is  “Yes Rob, We Crossfitters do respect you now and please stop asking if we think you look sexy or not”

So I would just like to say for anyone thinking about starting their own running/jogging/fast walking regiment, I say things like “Go for it,” “More power to ya,” and the more honest,“Okay…that’s nice…go away now.”  In the end you’ll look and feel better…in photos. And isn’t that what all of us really want?

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