I Accidentally Ran To The Border…Curse You Taco Bell

aertre

 

 

I had to go to the doctor yesterday, turns out the incredible pain in my stomach was not the result of witchcraft, but something even worse, that free taco someone offered me was from Taco Bell, well it turns out, according to my doctor my body has an irrational dislike for Taco Bell. But I already knew this. To me, Taco Bell  represents the muddling down of one culture’s food, to create meals that cater to drunk people who usually roll through the drive thru after midnight. The end result is crappy, greasy, gross food.

What I can’t really wrap my head around is how people keep ending up back there. The only thing that I can think it might be is some half-hearted compromise on people’s behalf, it’s like where friends have to go because they had to compromise on a place to eat and Taco Bell rests right in the middle. For example someone might suggest Chinese, but someone else isn’t in the mood, and then they suggest Pizza, but someone else just had  Pizza, and the next thing you know everyone is angry and they end up meeting at Taco Bell. Almost as if they are punishing themselves.

I can still remember the last time I went there to eat, basically a day I can never forget, I kept it simple, just had a few tacos and a water, As I sat down waiting for my order, I began bracing myself for the food misery that was to come, while I thought to myself  “Am I really here again?” I thought for sure that I swore never to come back, I just sat there in disbelief. Then my name is called, like a victim heading to the firing squad I slowly shuffle up to grab my “food.” The girl behind the counter asks  “Are you sure you don’t want some cinnamon twists, I can add them real quick for you?” Instead of saying,  “No thanks that sounds gross”  I say, “Sure”…because apparently, I refuse to have a good day.

What is going on here? Are there strings attached to me, because I don’t feel like I’m making these decisions for myself!

That’s why I’ve decided, from this point on, I will never return, no matter what. If my friends all decide to go there, I will stand outside in the parking lot, protesting the muddling down of cultures. Life is too short to go to Taco Bell and pay ten bucks for food that will give me indigestion for the rest of the day.

I always see a  “Help Wanted” sign at the Taco Bell,  I can only imagine what goes on in that place that people don’t see….And I don’t want to know.  Taco Bell’s little mantra is “Run for the Border” That’s a lie, because the only place you will be running to is the toilet, the food is the only thing running south of the border.

Think about it, have you ever seen anyone who was happy after eating at Taco Bell? I didn’t think so. If a Taco Bell opens up near your home the real estate value drops 99% and then you would have to sell your home to some Meth-heads for a 1000 bucks…But that would be good for the Meth-heads because Taco Bell is always hiring.

I wish corporations would just be truthful with their branding, Instead of  “Run for the Border” how about Taco Bell try  “Run for the Toilet” or even “Taco Bell- When you really can’t stand your family today, it’s what’s for dinner”  Or even “Taco Bell- Because Every Day has a Low Point…Why Not Get Yours Over with by Lunch”

If you care about yourself….Don’t Run for the Border!

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