So I consider myself a Gymrat, a Meathead, a Lunk, call me what you want, because it matters little what you think, because you are you and well, I’m me. Anyways, I have to admit there is one thing I dislike about going to the gym, and it’s not really the gym’s fault, it happens to be the old guys in the changing rooms fault. I’m curious as to why men, when they reach a certain advanced age, seem to have no modesty whatsoever.
When I go into the changing room there are usually two or three shriveled up, old men walking around buck naked, and they are having nice, long conversations with each other while their shriveled up junk just hangs there, got to admit it freaks me out. But there is one old fella in particular that seems to really disturb me. I’m beginning to think he has Alzheimer’s or something, perhaps he thinks he is in a Nudist Colony or a San Francisco Bath House, but the weird thing is that he always seems to get really close to me while I’m in there and today I think things went a ball sack too far. I was seated on the bench and he shuffled over to my area and lifted one leg up onto the bench to dry himself off with a towel, and there in all its old, wrinkled glory was his junk and his freakishly large ball sack…I nearly threw up.
So as a way for me to properly process this incident, I want to write this story from the old guy’s perspective, or at least what I imagine he must have been thinking when he dropped his big sack next to me.
The Old Dude….Well hey there my young friend, today is your lucky day. I want you to treasure this moment, because you are about to gaze upon my very special old man balls. And I think you are going to absolutely love them.
Now I realize you probably see a lot of old man balls here in this changing room, but let me tell ya sonny, most of those balls are, to put it kindly, sub-standard. My glorious balls, however, are beautiful. They are perfect in every way, from the sheen of my old scrotal sac to the flawless shape and symmetry of the testicles all the way up to my luscious grey pubic hair.
Young man, let me assure you that I go to great lengths before I arrive at the gym to make sure my balls are in excellent viewing condition. First and foremost, the nursing home I live at maintains my hygiene, I get sponge baths twice a day. And not any soap will do, if the detergent is too harsh it can cause unsightly scratching and mar the surface of the balls. So I worked it out with the nursing home that they use an Old Spice body wash, which always leave’s my balls smelling fresh and makes my grey pubes look 40 years younger.
Getting my balls clean and soft is only half of it. I used to apply makeup to them, but the effect was far too artificial and to me the whole idea behind showing your balls off in the first place is to showcase their natural beauty, and I like to put the emphasis on the “Natural”. So now I use an all-organic carnauba wax to give them a rich, deep luster. I usually do two coats, but today I went with three. When you get down to it, there’s just no substitute for bearing down on your balls with some good old fashioned elbow grease. I usually do it as I watch the morning news.
So believe me young man when I tell you, that this magic moment that you and I are sharing together, this very moment when you first took in the glory of my balls, you will remember this day for the rest of your life. And I really hope since you keep coming here every morning, that you will continue to see my magnificent balls many more times in the coming year. But it will never be as special as this moment.
Now back to Me.…Dear God, please kill me now!!