Is it just me or does it seem like the average American driver is becoming more and more ignorant? Sometimes when I have drive anywhere on the streets in my town, I feel like I may never make it home in one piece. So far this week I have had three near misses, where idiot drivers almost ran into me, and the sad part is, the week is only half over. So the chances are pretty good that I could end up in an accident before the week is out.
And throughout all this vehicular insanity, I have been doing my best not to get angry, even though everyone else seems like they have a hair trigger when they are driving. The final straw finally happened today for me, on my way home this evening, I was stopped at a red light, when a little old lady turned too wide and almost hit the side of my car, but what made it even worse was when I looked at her in disbelief she flipped me off with her old woman hands. I’m pretty sure my lower jaw literally dropped when she did it. I could feel all the rage and anger building up inside me about to burst out, but then the light turned green and I sped away.
So when I got home, I tried to use what brain cells I had left to come up with a solution to this epidemic of careless and idiotic drivers that plague our streets, and I believe, I have come up with a viable solution, but it will have to be a team effort, I can’t do this alone, there is strength in numbers so if we show unity and teamwork we can make my idea become reality.
Here is my idea, on May 8th, we will celebrate the 1st annual National Automotive Purge Day or “NAP Day” for short. So on May 8th, starting at 0700 local time and continuing through the evening rush hour, you will be legally allowed to do anything you want to bad drivers, now I’m not advocating killing anyone, but you can certainly disable their vehicles so that they won’t be on the streets causing mayhem. And the best part is it will be completely legal.
So for example, you’re driving down the road and some idiot cuts you off, as long as it’s occurs within the legal Purging time frame, you can pull alongside of them and whip out your assault rifle and shoot out their tires, forcing them to pull off to the side of the road…Justice Served! Another good example would be if Grandma is out driving her 1970’s Cadillac, going 25 mph in a clearly marked 35 mph zone, you can take your car and ram it into the back of Granny’s huge road boat, she will either speed up or pull off to the side allowing you to safely pass, and don’t worry the worst that will happen is Granny might soil her Depends.
Now of course there will be a few rules you will need to follow, like you cannot touch certain vehicles like law enforcement, fire trucks or ambulances…Oh and probably most importantly you can’t touch my vehicle either. And to make it fair you have to do all shooting from your vehicle, getting out and shooting at cars as they drive by will not be allowed.
So let’s get ready, the 8th is approaching fast, stock up on ammo and snacks. If you’re wanting to be creative, you could always do the “Jack Nicholson Move” and beat someone’s windshield in with a set of golf clubs. So however you choose to participate, just remember on “NAP Day” there is going to be millions of drivers out there on our nation’s streets and highways. And a great number of them will do incredibly stupid things so my advice to you is… Be Alert, Be Prepared, Be Angry.
I hope to see you all on the streets, May 8th the “National Automotive Purge Day” and remember you can’t touch my car!