When It’s Acceptable To Use Profanity Around Me…

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I am not a fan of people using profanity, I think it makes you look stupid and whatever message you’re trying to get across will get lost as I focus on your use of potty words instead of big boy words. Basically, I will think your just a dummy and I won’t care what your trying to say. But every now and again there is a time and place for the occasional profanity laced tirade, and just so there isn’t any confusion on your part, I will give you some examples of when it’s okay to bust out your potty words.

 

~The Day After Your Mom’s Birthday…

Sometimes, with everything that goes on in our lives, we can occasionally forget things. But forgetting your Mom’s birthday is a major faux paus or in regular people talk, a major screw-up! Usually the second you realize your mistake, it is socially acceptable to let loose a few expletives and then immediately call the florists to deliver an  “I’m sorry, please let me still be your son” bouquet.

 

~When You Think Your Farting But It Turns Into Sharting….

If you have never been faced with this embarrassing situation consider yourself fortunate. Sharting happens when a person gets lazy and underestimates a fart, and the results are usually disastrous. What may have seemed like a simple passing of internal gasses turns out to be a special delivery your britches weren’t expecting. If this does happen to you, feel free to let the cuss words fly, but just try not to draw too much attention to yourself as you race to the bathroom for an emergency cleanup.

 

~When You Drop Your New Phone Into The Toilet…

It can happen to the best of us, your sitting on the toilet, dropping the kids off at the pool, you got your phone out, cause that’s what you do when you go Poo, next thing you know you’re trying to swipe left on Tinder and your phone drops into the toilet, you stand-up in hurry to check it out and you see that it’s firmly wedged into one of your freshly minted turds. At this point it is almost mandatory that you unleash an unholy, obscenity laced, verbal tirade regarding the situation you now find yourself in.

 

~Driving Distracted Due To Hot Babe…

With warmer weather, there are going to be more Hot Babes out walking around in skimpy summer clothing, and if you’re a dude you understand what a distraction they can be in general, but even worse when you’re driving.  For example, you’re driving down the road and suddenly you become hypnotized by an excellent female rear end, she is wearing booty shorts and a bikini top, so naturally as hard as you try you cannot take your eyes off her. Then suddenly your world comes to an abrupt halt, your car is now wrapped around a tree. In this moment feel free to curse your stupidity and the ever dangerous female bootay!

 

~For The Guys…Anything Involving The Family Jewels Being Harmed…

Yes, there is a valid reason they are called  “The Family Jewels”  and it’s because they are precious. There is no easy way to say it but getting hit in the groin area is automatically a free pass for guys to scream out obscenities. You could be at a church for your Niece’s baptism and if someone accidentally whacks you in the Jewels it’s  totally fine to scream out some profane thoughts.

 

~Wheel Of Mis-Fortune…

You finally get on that game show you have been trying to get on the last ten years, you have been lucky all night getting good spins and it seems Vanna have been turning the letter’s over just for you.  Now you’re in the bonus round and all you have to do is solve the puzzle, you know what it is, you have all the letters, Hell, everyone knows what it is, your girlfriend is already thinking of ways to spend that money you’re going to win….And then you pronounce it incorrectly, Pat Sajak looks at you like you’re an idiot, Vanna turns away from you in disgust, your girlfriend just sent you a text, she dumped you..Yeah feel free to let those Bleeps fly, you deserve it buddy!

 

~Dropping Your Friends Newborn…

Perhaps it’s true you have never been known for your ball-handling skills, your friends all know that. So why would they even tempt fate and let you hold their new baby? Basically they have nobody to blame but themselves. But perhaps you shouldn’t have tossed the baby in the air like a football, but in your effort to throw caution and the baby to the wind, you caught nothing but societies utter disgust, and to your friend. Err, ex-friend you have now become a Monster. As soon as that baby bounced off the floor it was acceptable to run out of the room, letting F-bombs fly behind you.

 

Remember, using profanity in your everyday conversations is never cool, but when faced with one of these extreme circumstances it is perfectly acceptable to let the potty words flow freely.

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