It’s that time of year again, time to pay your taxes, I personally don’t like our current tax system, I think the IRS has way too much power, and it can use it to stifle groups who think outside the current regimes ideology, but I don’t want to make this a political post cause I could go on forever about how messed up the Government bureaucracy is…What I really wanted to talk about are taxes, I believe we should just have a flat-tax across the board, but nobody listens to me.
So since nothing will apparently change for the better when it comes to taxation, how about we just go ahead and really screw things up and make a change for the worse….
Okay, Hang on, Because we are now landing on “Tax Fantasy Island”, where I am now in charge of the IRS and I am making up some new tax rules which I think will be a good way for the Government to earn some extra money to help pay down the National Debt. Now I’m sure there are some of you who may be opposed to some new taxes, but I don’t care, I’m now in charge and I will also be opening up “Debtors Prisons” again just like in the old days, so if you don’t pay your taxes you go straight to jail, and you will break big rocks into little rocks…Hell Yeah, Being in charge is Awesome!
So here are some of the new taxes which I will be imposing on you good citizens, write them down, learn them, obey them just like good little citizens should.
New Tax Laws
~If you post pictures on social media of your cat, you will be taxed for each photo.
~If you are an adult and celebrate your birthday on more than one day, you will not only be taxed, but also thrown into jail for 30 days.
~If you’re an adult over age 40 and still live with your parents, you will be taxed, and taxed again. Then your parents will be thrown in jail for not kicking you out 20 years ago.
~If you wear yoga pants and clearly should not be wearing yoga pants you will be taxed.
~If you have ever been in a “People of Walmart” video montage you will be taxed.
~Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies will be taxed, just because they are evil, and I can’t resist their powers.
~If you refer to people as “Dawg”, “My Schnizzle” or “G-Unit” and you’re not a rapper, professional athlete or have a lisp, then you will be taxed.
~If your famous because you made a sex-tape, then you will be heavily taxed, and thrown in jail…Look out Kardashians, the Tax Po Po is coming for you!
~People who wear athletic clothing but are clearly not athletic will be taxed.
~Hipsters will be taxed mercilessly, then sent to a “Re-Alignment Camp” where you can’t leave until you denounce Hipness, and vow to live an un-hip lifestyle.
~People who don’t like me will be taxed, and your money will be given directly to me as restitution for your treatment of me, and then you will be whipped, then tar and feathered …Sometimes the Tax Man isn’t fair.
~Anyone who swipes “left” on my Tinder profile will be taxed.
Well those are some pretty good tax ideas if you ask me, I think under my leadership we should be able to get the National Debt taken care of in three years or less. Now go pay your taxes!
Any other tax suggestions?