Why Being Tall Or As We Call It “Genetically Superior” Is Nothing Short Of Awesome

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Being tall is probably the most Awesome thing that can happen to a person, and it’s something you really have no control over. If your blessed with height , It’s like God came over and touched you and said  “I like you better, so here is a Big gift”.  You short people like to make jokes about us  “Genetically Superior”  people, or “Talls” , because your all just jealous, Just kidding, were not  “All”  genetically superior, there are some tall jerks out there, but I would like to think I’m not one of them, even though I know there are a few of you out there who think that I am, but that’s okay your entitled to your short sighted, short person opinion.  But…Just in case you are unaware of why being tall has its advantages in life let me list a few things, then you will probably agree with me that tall people are just genetically superior.

 

Simply Standing Up…

When your short and you stand up, well, it’s not all that impressive, but when your tall and your seated your true height is somewhat hidden, short people just assume you’re one of them. Then as you begin to rise, you can just hear the epic overtones of the William Tell Overture as you reveal your true height Awesomeness. Short people’s head turn and of course look up, their mouths drop, and all of the sudden you become the most Awesome and Memorable person in the room. Honestly, it is a totally Amazing feeling, and fortunately it happens several times a day.

 

Social Gatherings…

When your tall, you can show up late to any event, like concerts, shows, heck anything and still be able to see everything, short people have to pay extra for front row seating, tall people can just pay for general admission and get the same view. Also, when you’re tall you can just look around the crowd and see other tall people, we usually  “Nod”  at each other and sometimes we talk to each other about an exit strategy in case the venue goes up in flames. Also we can control short people’s happiness, if some short person rubs us the wrong way we just stand in front of them blocking their view and ruining their evening.

 

Bar Stool Domination…

Most shorty’s or  “Squirts”  as I like to call you short people, have to sit on bar stools as if they were kids. I always chuckle when I see short people sitting together on bar stools, their feet dangling in the wind. When us tall people sit on a bar stool, we sit with  “Dominance”, we have excellent posture and great physical control of the situation because our feet are firmly on the ground. Usually our magnificent poise almost always gets us the attention of the barmaid, and we usually are lavished upon with free drinks and a napkin decorated with lipstick and locks of hair…And of course it has the phone number of the loveliest lady there on it.

 

Athletic Respect…

When you are tall, everyone just assumes that you are an Awesome athlete. This happens because they correlate your long legs with great speed, like a gazelle. And ironically this false assumption allows us not to train at all, we tend to milk this silly stereotype for all it’s worth before actually developing any real skills. Truth be told most of us tall people are pretty slow. We just don’t worry about having to win at sports because we already won at life when we were born. But, it’s true that some sports are naturally easier for us tall people like Volleyball, Height Measuring and Throne Sitting.

 

General Life Skills …

Being tall, I constantly hear someone say  “Hey, Rob, we need to use your height for a second, you’re the only one who was born with that Awesome height, the rest of us are just short and sad.”  It’s true that tall people are generally more useful than short people, because we can have greater access to higher places. For example, sometimes I purposefully buy things that I don’t want just because they’re on the top shelf. As I reach, I look around to make sure that the people around me notice that there is no object out of my reach. Want discount pickled eggs? No problem. There are no limits in my world. I depend on NO ONE!! The innocent short people standing around then become jealous and start crying, and I reach across the room to pluck the tears from their cheeks to add insult to injury.

I could literally keep going on for hours as to all the advantages of being one of the  “Chosen”  ones, the tall ones. But I’m sure all you  “Squirts”  are probably feeling pretty bad right now already so I will just stop the comparisons here.

One comment

  1. anamericaninmontana · July 15, 2015

    Reblogged this on An American In Montana.

    Like

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