Why We Must Invade Canada…But First Lunch At Applebee’s

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I’m usually not very political on social media just because there are too many liberal Coo Coo’s out there who try to ruin everything. But today is different, today I have had enough and No, I’m not talking about Obama, Hillary, Iran, ISIS, or any of the other current disasters we find ourselves in due to the Coo Coo’s in Washington. Today I’m addressing probably the greatest single threat to America, and that threat is Canada. And since I live in Montana we are on the front lines of this threat. Today I was cut-off by a car with Canadian plates, I’m almost positive none of them know how to drive. So this incident has caused me to finally stop bitchin about the Canadians…. Now I am advocating action!!

So I think it’s best I keep this movement local, the Nation may not stand with us, but it’s time for Montana to go on the offensive, We are the tip of the spear, this is a call to arms. For far too long Canada has been a source of woe, a thorn in our side, they are like a blood-sucking tick, stuck to us, sucking the happiness from us, they may seem like a peaceful, friendly nation. But I know the truth, and that truth is their hearts are as black as the oil they ship across our borders. It wasn’t all that long ago we were at War with them, surely everyone remembers the War of 1812. For heaven’s sake they even burned down Washington,D.C. in 1814,  that’s our Capital for those of you who don’t know, those scars are still etched deep into my memory.

I still find it hard to believe that our Nation still remains a close ally of the Canadians, even though they recently attacked us with a weapon so devastating to our culture, to our society in general, a weapon worse than Ebola and Herpes combined…They sent us Justin Bieber!  We should have declared War immediately and began Nuking their capital. But No, we have spineless politicians in charge who are running the show in Washington….Perhaps they have forgotten that Bieber’s ancestors burned our Capital to the ground. Meanwhile Bieber and his Beliebers are running rampant across the country. I dare say we may not survive as a Nation if this is allowed to continue much longer.

Our history is riddled with missed opportunities to conquer this evil empire to our north. Back in 1982, the greatest President ever Ronald Reagan missed the chance to make a bold strike into the north when England was involved in the Falkland crisis, Since Canada is a loyal subject of England and beholding to the Crown, we could have said we were friends and supporters of Argentina and opened up a second front. Or how about when the Canadians beat Team USA at Hockey in the Winter Olympics?  We should have immediately ordered air strikes on Canada’s Maple syrup plants, this would have crippled their economy and they would have begged us to rule over them.

So my fellow Montanans, I say the time to strike is now, when they are at their weakest, they are just now starting to come out of their winter hibernation, this is their weakest time, their bodies have not yet been fortified with syrup yet, we must strike NOW!!  If we launch a first strike to take out their Moose fleet then they will have to travel on foot. We will have the advantage. We just need the will to see it through.

Wouldn’t it be nice to finally make Alaska connected to the good ol’ USA again?  We can make all the land from the border of Montana to Alaska all part of Alaska, we can call it Super Alaska.  And for those of you who may have a soft spot for the Canadians and would feel bad for invading them, we could always give them the frozen tundra area up by the North Pole as the new Canada, I would be okay with this arrangement, after all I’m not a heartless bastard.

If I may quote a famous person and totally changes what he said then I will quote the great Andrew Jackson,  “Old Iron Ribs”  himself who may have said...”From time to time, the Tree of Liberty must be glutted with the syrup of Canadians”

I will be holding a Pre-Invasion meeting today around Noon, this will be held at Applebee’s, if anyone has coupons please bring them, and Thank You for your time.

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