The other day I went to a local coffee shop, and found myself smack dab in the middle of a Hipster Cult meeting or something, there seemed to be a lot of Irony in the building. One of the Hipster’s was wearing a “Keep On Truckin” ball cap said “Sup” to me, perhaps to put me at ease since I was clearly out of my element because I don’t ever do anything ironically. As I sat waiting for my friend, I watched them, I watched their mannerisms, their eating habits, their clothing and after 4 minutes I came to the conclusion that I am annoyed by this subculture of the Hipster Dudes, the female Hipsters are kind of cute so they are okay, But the Hipster Dudes are just too much. And I’m not one of those guys who will say they don’t like something but can’t provide reasons…I have reasons…I have eight reasons why I think Hipster Dudes are just weird.
~They Do Everything Ironically
It’s like they are yelling “Hey, you there, look at me, I’m doing this thing but I’m not actually doing it because it’s Ironic” …They will wear an old 80’s themed t-shirt, like ALF…Guess what Hipster, that shirt sucks and No, I’m not being Ironic.
~They Wear Thick Rimmed Glasses
Why? What is up with that? Just get some regular glasses, But No, they have to be “Oh, look at me, my glasses are black and thick and cool” Tell me if you can read this Hipster…They are stupid!
~They Do Yoga And Eat Organic
Hey guys wanna go to brunch, there’s a new FREEGRAINS place on Dumbstreet, it’s called “Pasture” cause it’s too cool to have mainstream name and also everyone is doing Pilates and Pelvic Stretching there. Hey Hipsters, you know what meal I like? Lunch…Not organic magic window garden lunch, just regular lunch, it’s a meal…Try it!.
~They Think They’re So Cool
Laugh at things? Why would I laugh at things and smile when I can stand here like a big dipshit and look like I’m not caring? Oh, what’s that you got there, some really cool thing? Pshh, I don’t care, I’m too cool to care…Knock that crap off you freaks!
~They Like All Kinds Of Obscure Music
Hey, have you heard of this new band, they are called BOOGERBURGERS, it’s this group of Siberian midgets and a goat with a banjo, they will be playing at the organic, free-range coffee bean coffee shop I like, wanna go see them? Oh no, they released an EP now they are too mainstream for me cause I’m a Hipster.
~Most Of Them A Well Off But Pretend To Be Poor
Let’s see I will live in this shack with poop smeared all over the walls cause I’m like this Bohemian artist even though my Dad’s like the President of a big Fortune 500 company and he sends me checks every day and I pretend I hate him and I keep wearing these old jeans…You’re not fooling anyone you freak!
~They Hate The Mainstream
“That’s too mainstream for me, I don’t like it” is what the Hipsters are always like whenever they see stuff. Has anyone ever noticed that? Could they possibly hate the mainstream more? It’s like they are talking about Hitler or are they talking about mainstream, I’m confused cause they hate them both the same. They act like mainstream violated them as a child or something.
~Their Clothing Is Just Stupid
Let’s see should we throw away these used American Apparel pants and this dirty old shirt from the 80’s? No, sell them to a vintage store so some stupid Hipster can buy them for a million dollars and wear it to their favorite coffee shop. Stop wearing the stuff I wore as a kid thinking it’s cool, it wasn’t cool when I was a kid and it’s not cool now.
So hopefully I made my reasoning for finding Hipster Dudes Annoying, Feel free to add to the list. If you’re a Hipster and you want to complain, just remember complaining is so mainstream, and you don’t like mainstream.