Are You Prepared For Armageddon?




If you take a look at the world. …NO a good HARD look, it is clear that in the next few years civilization as we know it will probably come to an end and those of us who are left behind will be pitched in an epic struggle for survival.


Now I’m not one of those crazy survivalist type guys, but it does pay to plan ahead and be prepared for the upcoming Armageddon..Hey, if you had a big test tomorrow you would study beforehand right? So I encourage everyone to start making their own Survival plans…And for those of you who might be confused as to what I’m talking about I have made a list of things you should do to prepare for your survival.


~Learn Hand to Hand Combat

This is essential..Nobody will want to take on a skilled martial artist. Even if you totally suck at it, just carry yourself as if you are a dangerous as Chuck Norris or at the very least David Carradine.. Got that Grasshopper?


~Start Hoarding

They say Beans are often maligned, but they will become essential in your survival. If you can conjure up a situation where you have access to 5% of the world’s supply of beans. This will be advantageous, provided they don’t all expire before things go to hell.


~Become More Buoyant

Don’t even question me on this one. I’m trying to save your life! You may need to sleep while treading water.


~Grow Gills

In addition to Buoyancy, the development of Gills will help assist you, it is unclear if evolution can occur throughout one’s lifetime…However you should give it a try.


~Eat Your Weight In Chocolate

No real reason…


~Build A Fort

While this might differ from the more conventional approach, which would be to build a bunker, a Fort is preferable for a number of reasons. Kids like playing in Forts. If you have kids, they will be entertained while you protect your treasured family assets from marauding gangs of crazed zombies. Furthermore, bunkers provide no real avenue for self-defense in the event that your hideout has been discovered and is in the process of being ransacked. At least with a Fort, you are able to defend your position until the bitter and horrific end.


~Go Biblical And Build An Ark

Not on the scale of Noah… Don’t be foolish. His quality control could have been stricter. All you need is a vessel big enough to carry yourself and those dear to you. Maybe a Bass Boat will do if you’re not really the personable type.


~Take Notes

From this day forward, take note of the people around you who are energy whores, You know the type they have ever electronic gadget and excessive amounts of Christmas lights..Be sure to blame them at any opportunity. If you can demonstrate that through their using the toaster oven on Jan. 13th, 2015 thereby causing the catastrophic climate change, this will place you in a strong bargaining position…Leverage on your neighbors will be vital.


~Watch The Walking Dead

Self-Explanatory…. Be sure to get all the seasons


~Join A Cult

Little known fact… Cults can be welcoming, surrogate families. Since Cult members tend to be on the crazier side, you will have the advantage of befriending those who may wish to cause you harm. Friendship based on self-preservation is always well founded.


Remember those who are Aware….Prepare.

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