Signs That You’re Getting Old(er)…
~You watch the Weather Channel
~You hear your favorite song in the elevator
~5am is when you get up, not go to bed
~Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them
~Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
~You keep more food than beer in the fridge
~You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore
~You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn the music down.
~Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
~Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up
~You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers
~Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you
~Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “Dressed Up”
~Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one
~Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up
~You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14
~Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
~You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and Antacid, instead of condoms and pregnancy tests.
~A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff”
~You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time
~”I just can’t drink the way I use to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”
~90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work
~You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar
~And you read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to YOU!